DS, 23, only very occasional visitor to family home. Left, suddenly a couple of years ago. History of aggression, threatening letters (mostly directly towards me), drug taking, in/out psychiatric hospital (including a section), 'violent fantasies' towards me (according to one of his former therapists), suicide attempts. There are Police markers on our home/phones.
However, in a moment of sheer weakness (and exhaustion) very late one night last week, we let him stay the night. Story from he was on leave from a London hospital - turned out to be untrue. Next day, after being very aggressive with DH and me, as we tried to ask him what he was taking away with him, he stole back door key (again - did so in the Summer, had to have barrel replaced, wasn't cheap), took a knife to curtains in our room, put excrement in cat's bowl and on said curtain - took documents from the house (not his) and gave one of our younger DCs a slip with a mobile no on it. Said if he did not phone by a certain date later in the year, he would 'disown him' and do whatever else. Told his sibling to 'ignore the cunts downstairs' ie DH and me.
To cut a very long story short - Police ignoring. Saying at present a civil matter as it's 'family'. Seem unconcerned about threats. When visited last week by Police from area he is living in, was not asked about key - the officers forgot. Passage of time means he could have done anything with is. We have done as advised by Police in our area - written to person he is staying with (his bio father - whom he barely knows and who is claims to thoroughly dislike ..) with a deadline for return of said key and spoken to Police in whose authority DS is presently living. Latter said inappropriate - any reminder to visit with view to asking about key and other stolen items should be made by our local PS.
Basically, Police don't know what they are doing - different/mixed messages each time we phone. I am very, very worried for younger DC who is very concerned about the threat re phoning and I am anxious for my own safety. DS1, in the Summer, left a knife within reach - has history of leaving notes/writing emails, effectively threatening my life and is becoming - god knows how or why - a very aggressive, troubled and totally unpredictable young person. Compounded by history of drug taking - so much went on under our noses but we didn't know the full extent at the time.
If it's civil, where do I go? But because it's 'family', surely that doesn't mean that the Police can't intervene? I think a shot across his boughs/a warning that he doesn't even think of carrying out any threats towards any of us and, if necessary, an arrest and search are what needs to happen.
I love DS1, of course I do - but his behaviour is very damaging to himself, and the rest of us. We could replace the barrel - again - but on our very modest and insecure income, it would be hard - though maybe necessary as the house/family is clearly very insecure. Thank you for reading - any thoughts? I can scarcely cope with this.