Children Services Child in need

[gingerrapunzel]

childrens services are involved in our life now as exp has committed DV against me in front of DS.
They classified DS as child in need and reckon they need to be involved to support us.
One thing my exp lied about but they seem to believe him is that we continued our relationship after we split up 3 years ago. Quite clearly we have been living apart for this time. He is v deluded and tried to reestablish relationship many times whch rejected. Sometime i guess may have been inclear though as was scared of him.
They have said they are not concerned about my parenting and concerned about him and his anger issues.
Despite this, children services say they want to speak to my children alone without me and also they may do unannounced visits.
What's this about? why am i being made to feel guilt when i am not the one in the wrong???

Its horrible isnt it?

Being a 'child in need' is a broad label. For some families its the only way they can access help from SS because they have to have this status. I spent bloody ages getting my DS's girlfriend CIN status!

Its very common for children to be interviewed alone when there have been concerns raised, even when the SS have strong suspicions that its a malicious allegation.

I would imagine they are doing the visits just to check that your ex is lying and you are not still in a relationship with him. People do lie about this stuff, a lot.

I am not going to try and tell you to see this as positive or just get on with it because if I was you I would feel awful. But if you do cooperate the chances are you will be discharged at the next review.
It sounds like you could do with a bit of support if your ex is still harrassing you. Do you have any?

Well I decided after the last incident that happened (which gave rise to the police report and hence SS 3 weeks later) that enough was enough and stopped contact then.

He did harrass me but the police were very supportive and put bail conditions in his contacting me so that has been huge relief.

Also got family lawyer who has reassured me that i am now in good position to protect my children,

Ironically SS came in after all this and have made me feel totally isolated and judged. Now the school know all the sordid details of my life. I had always told them that was separarated and exp was abusive but now its made me look really bad i feel for maintaining contact even though nursery were really pro dads the whole time.....

I do have emtional support in terms of friends and family and other groups but now with SS involved i feel too scrutinised to even tell people how stressed i am in case they label me in inadequete mother :(

It's really sad that so much stigma is attached to involvement with social services. It does nothing but make vulnerable parents feel even worse than they already do. Don't beat yourself up about it Gingerrapunzel, talk to them openly and honestly and take any help and advice they offer. They are there to support you and your child.

I had a lot of help and support from them following my divorce many years ago from a violent partner. I told social services that I was exhausted all the time and stressed and not coping very well (I had no family or friend support). They paid for my daugther to go to a nursery for 2 whole days a week so I could have a break. Does that make me an inadequete mother? No, it made me a strong mother who was prepared to admit I needed help and take it, despite societies negative attitudes, for the benefit of my child.

If you are doing your very best for child, then anyone who labels you as inadequete is a tit.

Well said Kladdkaka.

Sound advice from Kladdkaka