I am a grandparent carer with a residence order for my two grandsons. They have different dads and the eldest one(9 yrs) has contact every other weekend with his father. My daughter gave birth at fifteen and the father eighteen. He has three convictions for ABH (two on school children), three for criminal damage and a recent drink drive conviction.
I did not even know he was the father for two years until his parents contacted me and asked for contact. Although shocked and unhappy, I did the best for my GS and I agreed each Sunday for contact. His parents reassured me he had never been in trouble of any kind - I did ask searching questions but they misled me. However, his behaviour deteriorated and I complained which resulted in him trying to attack me and grabbing my GS. A finding of fact found that he did not do this which devastated me and unsupervised contact went ahead.
My GS told two social workers his dad has hurt him but the Judge said his comments at such a young age could not be relied upon.
My GS is stressed, angry and lashing out asking me why he has to go to contact when his dad only turns up on Sunday afternoons and leaves him with his parents most of the weekend. They are very old fashioned and do nothing with him and he is bored and desperate to come home. School have been worried about his stress and anger issues - he has lashed out at a valued friend recently which is out of character.
Sorry the background has been long but I wanted to be as honest as possible. Today I have found out he has committed another actual bodily harm offence and he has been committed to Crown Court. I am so worried about my GS, as it seems clear he is picking up tensions in the household at contact and when his dad feels threatened, he becomes dangerous. The police have fitted a panic alarm in my home.
I want to reduce contact. The court was always very clear he should be staying with his father and this has never happened once in a two year period. It is a catch 22 situation - I know his parents would not have achieved so much contact in their own right but I feel he is probably safer there, but have to balance this against the fact he loathes going.
My daughter is unable to care for the children, but she feels her contact should not be subordinate to his parents and feels she now wants to challenge the order given the father's failure to maintain regular contact. I agree with this as it reflects my GS's wishes to see her more. She has no order in her own right.
I just want to do the right thing for my GS, but have to remember the family court's treatment of me and I now have no confidence in the system. I know that contact is the right of the child, but how much does he have to suffer?
Am I wrong to want to vary contact on the evidence I have set out above and would I have any hope of achieving a downward variation?