ex wants to take kids to live abroad with new fiancee

[m18c16]

hi - first posting

divorced 2 years now, 2 kids 6.5 and 9 - ex wife texted me from SA saying she and fiancee (news to me) want to go and live in SA with kids (she's english and lives in UK at present as do I).......... I'm devastated, as is my son who doesn't want to go and dislikes fiancee

consent order gives me the children every fortnight for the weekend and then holidays by agreement with ex. So far all has been ok given the circumstances. I pay CM, spousal maintenance and son's schooling

Is she just thinking of herself and not the kids and their right to have a relationship with their father?, would it in your opinions be harmful to the children?..............................how do I deal with this, will be meeting her soon to discuss what's best for the children, but I fear she's blind to what it'll do to them

devastated daddy

You need legal advice, probably a prohibitive steps order. She will have to prove to the family court that she has thought this through re funding, schooling, legality of emigratinf AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILDREN including their continued contact with them.

Does she intend to come back from the current trip to SA?

What nationality is the fiance?

hi

thanks for your thoughts

she returned yesterday (went there on her own to see boyfriend/now fiancee) - purpose of the trip was to 'see if his house was suitable'

He is south african (british passport)

the place that they'll be living is a tiny village about 3 hours drive from cape town - basically nothing there - I know as I grew up in cape town.

so in effect, either the kids will go to a local school (the area is predominently afrikaans - ie. not english speaking, or they'll be sent to boarding school (my presumption). The children are both getting a first-class education here, so this will be a backward step in that respect.

secondly, I do not believe that she has thought about how she'll make a living there, or thought about the crime nor even about the high cost of living.....all factors that made me leave the country about 15 years ago

I have contacted a lawyer (recommended by another MN user) and shall get on with exploring the legal aspects of the situation.

I only want what's best for my children. I do not bear any resentment towards my ex, but I sincerely believe that she cannot see what she is about to unleash on them through her actions

thanks

You could certainly argue that it's best for the children to stay where they are and that she can go to SA and have contact whenever she likes instead. You will need to get lots of facts and info together. COurts tend to regard a permanent move more favourably then a semi permanent or temporary one (ie go for a year). So you will need to look at fighting this.

Definitely get a prohibitive steps order in place so she can't just take them and then argue they're already there from which point you'll be battling to get them back.

Questions to ask her is how she intends to ensure they maintain contact and who will be paying for the travel required and do the travelling with them (and what happens if she finds she can no longer afford what she's promised).
Also details on her plans for their schooling.
Definitely ask if she's considered leaving them with you if she really feels she needs to go so that they can continue with their current life, school, relationships with extended family etc
Tell her you'll agree to whatever levels of contact she was intending for you with the move if she'll leave them with you (and when if she won't agree to that ask if she thinks the contact the move will leave the dc with you is fair if she's not prepared to accept the same contact in reverse...)