Need advice on ds and reporting abuse to Social Services

[seriouschanger]

Hi

Hope someone can help I will keep it factual:

Ds is 6 and has autism

Ds has disclosed that his father (f) has beaten him up on several occassions. Including slapping ds in face repeatidly and stranglation.
This was when ds was 2.5 - 3yrs old. Ds due to speech delay has tried to tell his 1:1 at age 3 and me 5 months ago....2 weeks ago he was able to say for first time...this was not asked but triggered from seeing a man that looked like his f.

Ex at this time reported me to SS for abuse! It was proven negetive and when ds f failed to beat me other ways fear/terrorizing....this has now stopped since cctv was put up.

Although when I was frightened I reported ex attacks on house to SS and the SW basically said I making ds anxious and this could cause issues (not the same words but felt like a threat that I wasnt being a calm mum) she was right I scared to death (was worried for our lives). Ds was made to go to an after school club and he was monitored as his 1:1 would be asked weird Qs all the time ie do you enjoy your job? Are you happy ds? etc

So I am worried about reporting what ds has disclosed that happened 4 yrs ago.

Will I get into trouble for not disclosing this?
Can I keep it for ds if f again tries to make contact with ds?
Will SS tell the school if I disclose it?
If I tell solicitor will she disclose it to SS?

If I did report this what would be done? How would they interview ds?
Would they do anything as it is 4 yrs ago and ds has autism? Would a statement from his 1:1 be ok or would a larger investigation be needed? What would be involved?
Would the courts be able to do some sort of injunction against ds f? Even if they dont know where he lives (not in UK)? What would the injunction be called? What can I apply for to protect ds?

I am worried I am going to be blamed by SS as I was in past and seen as guilty when ex reported me to SS.
I most importantly dont want to cause an issue if it isnt an issue for now (ds f may never see ds again) and ds starting a new Ind school next week so don't want to be seen as 'abused' as he is loved very much.

I don't have the foggiest idea, sorry. Can you repost this somewhere with more traffic?
Good luck to both of you.

if DS is not in immediate danger becaue no contact with father now then SS may not take any action at all.
the main quesitons would be - is DS safe now?
are you keeping him away from the father?

is there any court ordered contact?

i would tho tell GP as maybe DS does need to talk to someone about this? maybe a play therapist ?

if DS mentions soemthing tos chol eg new school they would ahve to follow child proteciton polciies and may contact SS - so maybe your GP is best to talk to initially - if you do want to tell SS then as you keeing him safe and i presuming there is no contact they may not pursue anything.

Hard to understand all of your post. Sorry.

cestlav thank you..so GP best route then?

Ds doesn't see his f as f decided he didnt want to see ds anymore 2 yrs ago but the incidents were nearly 4 yrs ago as ds tried to say then but could not say due to not enough language. The f may turn up at any time and demand contact. So want to ensure ds is safe if and when ds f turns up. Their was no court order as I didnt know ds was at risk till 2 weeks ago when ds told me and then ds 1:1.

I was told to tell WA as had outreach worker when ds f was attacking property for last 2 yrs only recently stopped.

Sorry otherposter but my head is all over place what ds said has left my head is a tizz and it is getting worse.

I know this is horribly distressing, but you need to take a deep breath and be practical about how to protect your DS. SS will be interested in whether your DS is currently at risk - since his father is not in contact, it is unlikely that they would consider him to be so at the moment, and probably won't do much. I wouldn't contact them TBH.

If you want however to have an official record of what your DS is disclosing, I would give your local police station a call and ask if you/he could give a statement. If his dad is not in the country, they probably cannot do very much about it, but it would be on record should he reappear and ask for contact. The problem with not having it recorded is that if his dad asks for contact, and then you report this, it will look like you are making it up to block contact.

It's difficult I know, but you need to be as calm as possible so your DS doesn't feel he is upsetting you by speaking about this. Also, you have to avoid asking leading questions, or you could be accused of coaching your son.

Once you have spoken to the police, if you think your DS may require some help dealing with this, speak to your GP.

Grandhigh thank you for this information. Yes someone else said police but NSPCC said police not needed so i was a bit confused!

Yes dont want it to be seen as 'sour grapes' if I report it only when ds f turn up! I want it recorded for ds future safety...esp if something happens to me and ds only has one family member his f to care for ds:(

Ds only said once and I just reassurred him he wasnt naughty....and hugged him for 2 hours as he sobbed:(

It was then with his 1:1 2 days later he told of more and worse acts. I asked the 1:1 to record it, this is nearly 2 weeks ago and didn't know what to do and didnt want to cause SS to go OTT and upset ds as ds is starting school next week for first time...so really big time in ds and my life as ds failed in schools up to now...was only PT and failed due to anxiety and sensory. Ds was actually signed off school last year due to being bullied (slapped in face which is what ds said f often did...and ds reacted v badly to bullying, now I understand why!).

If DS isnt now talking about it...hasn't mentioned it since....do I still need to go to GP as ds might not be able to cope with talking about it to a stranger as ds has autism.

I will stay calm thank you...that was the mistake I made the day I phoned ds SW to say ds f had tried breaking in house with screwdriver at 4am and breaking through metal plate (arson team put on letterbox) that morning and driving past ds old school and waiting by field (between my house and ds old school) to do something...had attacks on home for 2 yrs but no evidence so police could not do anything and since victim support gave cctv ds f has stopped attacks recently (6 weeks). There was wittnesses to seeing ds f but police said I needed to catch ds f doing them. So SW said because I was distressed that morning ds f tried to break in house this effected ds which then I felt SW was blaming me as ds had to go to afterschool club to be monitored and 1:1's were asked odd Qs like are you happy in work etc?

I was only doing what I thought was right reporting it....as it was same morning I was upset and crying on phone...I was scared for ds and my life tbh:( I feel safer now with cctv as no more attacks so far....but yes thank you need to stay calm when I explain ds said f stangled him ay 2 yrs old:(

Thanks again!

seriouschanger In my opinion the less anyone has to do with social workers the better. The same applies to doctors and teachers and the police, who all pass info to the SWs. I think it will be best for you to avoid "the professionals", unless of course you think your son needs them to help him in some way. If the father reappears in the future you could contact the police re any harassment. However, whatever happens I think it will be best for you not to complain too much to any of "the professionals" because, as I think you may have already discovered, you are quite likely to be accused of upsetting your child by being upset yourself ! "The professionals" remedy for that will not be what you think should happen. It will be what they think should happen. One option being removing your son from your care to protect him from being upset by you or your ex! I think it will definitely be best for you to let sleeping dogs lie for the time being.

Please don't listen to wasthatthatguy, he pops up all over the place with a chip on his shoulder about "professionals." He is just looking for yet another place to grind his axe. Please ignore!

you do not need to take your DS with you to report this. he does not need to be tehre for this to be reported and recorded so is on record in case father wants contact in future. you can explain that IF they want to interview DS it will be difficult etc.

you could go to police and file a report - explaining that there is no contact at the moment but you want it on record. in all likelihood, police will refer the matter on to SS. you may then get a call from SS saying - is tehre current risk ie is DS in contact with father? you say no and they say ok then.

or you could report directly to SS - again you DONT need to take DS with you in order to report it and talk to a social worker in child protection. you can explain and show the signed statement from the one to one and just say you reporting it as you want it on record for if/when father decides he wants contact.

i think you also need to talk to someone else like a counsellor or womens aid about your fears etc - someone to talk it thru . go see GP and ask for counselling referral - to address any anxiety issues etc. this then is positive step you can tell SW that you ARE addressing your own anxieties etc

cest thanks I am waiting for CBT with WA due to trauma of attacks.

although I am now terrified but totally get what wasthatthatguy is saying and this has been my fears all along esp after last time I felt I was being threatened that if I didnt stay calm ds being taken away would be outcome! SW already has now 'bad' impression of me being 'anxious' (who wouldnt be when alone with dc and man trying to break in?). I feel very worried now about reporting it tbh. I only wanted it on record as I know that it was long time ago it is to late re evidence for arrest etc but my fears were for future contact and in 'unsupervised overnight/weekend' was allowed ds would regress no end due to firstly the past but also recent attacks on ds home. I know police will report to SS straight away!

If I give the statement and inform solicitor of situation are they 'wittness' enough? Can they keep it for if ds f tries to see ds in furture? Or will solicitor report it to SS also?