unsupervised access for an alcoholic

[olnn]

my partner and i split up 12 months ago after 15 years but not married, he hadnt drunk for 9 years whilst on antabuse/disulfurim, when he left he resumed drinking. we have two children 6 and 9 years old, he is threatening court if i dont give him unsupervised access. Will he get unsupervised access if he takes it to court? Many thanks!

you will need proof of his drinking....how do you know?

he gets me to drop him off at the pub, talks about it and has even had a shandy in front of us. Also writes about it on his facebook page regularly. He believes after 9 years not drinking he is now cured

You don't post about anything that shows his alcohol use now is a problem. Is he getting drunk with the children?

No, he only has supervised access at the moment due to the doctors advice

The doctor says alcoholics dont get better if they are drinking

Shandy?

Hes not stupid and what hes prepared to do in front of me who lived with the hell of his drinking for 6 years and what hed be prepared to do in time with unsupervised access to his children isnt going to be the same. He has turned up a couple of times smelling of drink, i have had many conversations on the phone with him since our split when he has been very drunk. when he left he went with our eldest daughters money from her piggy bank without her knowledge straight to the pub as he had no money at the time

so he's still drinking

how on earth can a doctor give advice on access to children? anyway,who supervises at present?

me i do and the doctor has said he feels abi-polar alcoholic shouldnt have unsupervised access as does my counsellor but he isnt taking it kindly and it would be much easier to give in

well obviously you know him best

i would let it go to court and have a CAFCASS officer do a report. i would usually avoid court at all costs. but as we all know,its not best situation for the children

whats not the best situation for kids

i would assume having contact unsupervised with a alcoholic!!!!

Sounds like you're doing the right thing. If he still smells of booze and sounds drunk then he's likely to be still drinking. He can, if it goes to court, prove with hair testing that he's off the drink.

If the government gets it's way and legal aid is abolished for these types of cases I shudder to think who will pay for these tests - often £500 - £1000 a pop.

and what will happen to families who cant afford to pay?

the children will either be put in dangerous situations
or not be given access to the other parent at all

frightening!

There are a lot of bipolar parents - even alcoholic ones - who are not a threat to children. You're asking an impossible question, basically, as no-one can predict what a judge will do, there are so many factors. But if he takes it to court they are likely to order a Cafcass report as ILT says. You would have an opportunity to discuss your concerns, your ex would have his chance, they'd write a report. The conditions themselves are not necessarily a bar to unsupervised contact and it depends what he's asking for - a two week holiday abroad might not happen, whereas a couple of hours at the park is more likely. If he puts them at risk through his drinking you could ask for tests to be done (I've heard of this for drug addicts but don't know much about them.)

you see this is where it gets difficult, as ive said the advice has been that if i put my children in danger i am negligent, now living with him whilst he drank although seldom violent was very verbally abusive. He drank and drove not infrequently and i also worry with children of such a young age if they are not your priority harm when out and about is a risk. i want them to have a relationship with him but i want to minimise the damage done to them. He already everytime we have a disagreement goes to the children and tells them how evil my family and i are and that he will no longer be able to see them until he goes to court. i let him see them whenever he wishes without even the necessity of prior warning . i so want to protect them but i dont know whats best.

There should be more support for separating parents, it is so difficult. If he hasn't been drinking for 9 years (stopped when your eldest was born?) and his contact with them since the break up has been supervised then he hasn't been around the children obviously drunk, hasn't driven them drunk, etc? You are basing your fears on his behaviour 9+ years ago?

Would mediation be possible? Does he have any insight into his condition? What is he actually asking for, on a practical level?

He seems only to ask for more access, really when hes cross with me, normally if i refuse to give him money. He appeared to me at the time to understand he was an alcoholic, he was seeing a psychiatric nurse regularly and occasionally the psychiatrist. Obviously since he took antabuse for 8 years and his doctor suggested alcoholics anonymous for him and al-anon for me, i assumed he had accepted it. He now believes he is cured which the medical profession seem unable to recognise as possible. personally i believe if you are able to still do things such as, stealing from your 7 year olds piggy bank to go to the pub you probably still have a pretty serious problem

One of the many ludicrous accusations fired at my DH by his ex during residency was that he was an alcoholic. (One specific claim was that he drank 78 bottles of port one weekend.) His solicitor advised him to offer to take a hair strand test to get the accusation off the table, and that meant he paid for it-£800. His ex was on legal aid. The test came back to say he was a light social drinker-teetotaller range. The Cafcass report detailed the accusation against him in detail without mentioning the result at all. That was only one of the ways that he ended up in severe debt from legal bills for a year long case, which was enabled by legal aid funding for a spurious and ultimately completely unsuccessful case. (Ex applied for residency, got supervised contact.)

Sorry, bit of a rant. I know legal aid is very important in many, many cases but our experience was entirely that it prolonged and elaborated, with things like this test, a case and has left us financially crippled and facing further court action to be able to house ourselves.

Tests like that should be paid for jointly.