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Original poster

Horrible letter from head teacher

49 replies

isitwineoclockyet · 09/04/2011 14:53

I don't want to out myself by giving too much info, but I have been attempting to talk to my child's school about how the anti-bullying policy is implemented. Our head is notoriously difficult to talk to, and frequently responds very defensively to parents with issues. I did get plenty of people to proof-read the letters, and whilst they were borne of some frustration about not being able to get any answers from the school, I am confident that they're not rude, aggressive or in any way offensive (I'm afraid you'll have to take my word for that though!)
This morning I have received a reply (timed to arrive after the start of the holidays, presumably) stating that in 2008 a parent removed a child from the school because I was verbally aggressive towards her. Again, you'll have to take my word for this, but I have never, ever approached someone else's child. I have never taken matters into my own hands in this way, and even where I am good friends with the parents, I always leave school to resolve issues that arise in school. In any case, I would have thought that had a parent made a complaint like this, the school would have warned me, or banned me from the premises. Absolutely nothing of the kind has ever happened, & until this morning, no one has ever suggested before that my behaviour in or around the school has been a problem.
I am so upset and angry. I presume this letter will stay on my daughter's file, in which case other professionals could read this & conclude that I am some kind of nutter (honestly - i am so non-confrontational it's untrue!). I assume the head wants me to quietly backdown regarding the bullying (which I feel has not been addressed), or maybe he's hoping to provoke me into removing my child (the school is huge, with some VERY large class sizes)
I really need some advice. Do I have to just take this, and if not, what can I do about it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 09/04/2011 14:55

It is impossible to comment without actual details.

Mamaz0n · 09/04/2011 14:58

I would challenge that claim as it is salnderous/libelous (can't remember which)

I would also ask what exactly your apparent behaviour has to do with yrou child being bullied. is he suggesting that if a childs mum is a bit aggressive that it is ok to bully their child then?

I think this should be taken to the governers and LEA.

lionheart · 09/04/2011 14:59

Why not write to the governors and get it sorted properly (the bullying and the other issue)?

Original poster
isitwineoclockyet · 09/04/2011 15:00

What further details do you need?

OP posts:
edam · 09/04/2011 15:06

That's outrageous. The man's judgment is so seriously flawed it brings into question his suitability for the job. He clearly thinks he can bully you into shutting up and going away.

You have to go to the governors. Suggest you contact Kidscape, the anti-bullying charity, for advice about how to handle this.

Original poster
isitwineoclockyet · 09/04/2011 15:10

(sorry, cross posted with several other messages!)

I was certainly going to write to the governors. I suppose I am stunned that someone could be so unethical. I know I haven't ever been aggressive towards another child, and the head must know this too, but he's prepared to say it?

I suppose he's the biggest bully in the school. I guess he's trying to intimidate me, and it's working, because when you read something so awful about yourself, you kind of want to crawl into a hole!

Does anyone know what kind of things the governors can or might do (about both the bullying and the letter?)

Thanks.

OP posts:
MollieO · 09/04/2011 15:14

It is in writing so it is potentially libellous. I find it impossible to believe that a parent would remove a child because of you and you not know about it. Either the head is a nutter or there is more to your story.

hocuspontas · 09/04/2011 15:14

The accusation in the letter has nothing to do with your request! Regarding the incident, did you have a problem with the child or are you completely in the dark? If the latter, then I think the HT has just got you muddled up with someone else. Can you not sort this out face to face after the holidays? Letters and emails sometimes aren't enough. Good luck!

edam · 09/04/2011 15:19

He's not got her muddled up with anyone else, he's trying to intimidate her.

The governors are responsible for setting school policies, including the anti-bullying policies, and seeing that they are carried out. And for interviewing, selecting and employing the head (and dismissing them if necessary). There will be a specific governor who is responsible for bullying and who should ensure the head follows the anti-bullying policy.

Do call Kidscape and don't let the bastard intimidate you!

Original poster
isitwineoclockyet · 09/04/2011 15:19

To MollieO - I'm fully aware that it reads like that, & if it wasn't me it had happened to, I'd be doing this Hmm at it too. I am aware of another incident where he told a parent that something had been witnessed by a staff member, and I know it's not true because I DID witness it & there were no staff members there. I was a bit surised at the time, but it wasn't a huge deal, and wasn't something that really involved me, so I didn't say anything.

I keep re-reading the letter, and am STILL absolutely shocked by it.

OP posts:
ilovecrisps · 09/04/2011 15:31

so the head is trying to bully you.......
write to head of govs make sure it is marked confidential (ours go through head teacher!)

sorry don't know of any organisation you can approach for help

clam · 09/04/2011 15:33

Not sure it makes any difference but could he perhaps have meant that you were verbally aggressive to the parent, as opposed to the child? Obviously you're more likely to know that you've not had dealings with any child before that could have been misconstrued, but with daily interactions with other parents at the gate, it might be a bit more of a grey area.
Still think he's out of line though. Coward. Chucking that accusation at you when there's nothing you can do to refute it for a couple of weeks.

Original poster
isitwineoclockyet · 09/04/2011 15:39

The letter IS ambiguous about whether it was the child or the parent I was aggressive to, but I know 100% that my conscience is clear either way. I've never had any kind of "verbals" with anyone at the school. I'm friendly with lots of the parents, don't know some of them, prefer to avoid a few others, but the only other parent at the school I've ever had a row with is my husband!

It's so horrible - all I want to do is have a conversation with the head about how they implement certain elements of the policy (& it's not all about stringing up kids who are bullies, most of it was about raising self-esteem & rebuiding my child's confidence), & I'm gob-smacked that this is what I get back.

OP posts:
Feenie · 09/04/2011 15:40

I have never taken matters into my own hands in this way, and even where I am good friends with the parents, I always leave school to resolve issues that arise in school.

What does that last bit mean, exactly? Does it mean you've spoken to another parent outside of school regarding something that happened involving their child? Could that be what someone has complained about?

Feenie · 09/04/2011 15:42

I agree that none of this is relevant to your query and the bullying issue though, and I think you are right, he is trying to intimidate you into dropping it. Complain to governors.

prh47bridge · 09/04/2011 17:30

Since some posters have mentioned slander/libel, let me clarify that. As it is in writing it may be libel. However, it is only libel if the head shows this letter to other people or sends copies to them. If it is a private letter to you which is not shown to anyone else it is not libel. Even if it is shown to put on your daughter's file (which is by no means certain) it may be subject to qualified privilege which would mean a libel action would only succeed if you could prove that the head made the allegation out of malice.

Based on what you have posted here I don't see the relevance of this three year old allegation even if it is true. I would certainly consider complaining to the governors.

Pancakeflipper · 09/04/2011 17:33

Find out your Chair of Governers and hand them the letter you need to write to them face to face.

whomovedmychocolate · 09/04/2011 17:35

Actually it is libellous to make a claim about someone's behaviour which cannot be substantiated and which has a direct and defamatory effect on that person or in extension their daughter. There was a case about this recently.

I would ask the head to provide specific information on this allegation (copied to the governers) AND speak to the LEA frankly.

clam · 09/04/2011 17:40

The school is not necessarily closed for the next two weeks. Ours isn't and our workaholic head and deputy will almost certainly be there most days. If you were to hover past a couple of times, you could nip in and speak to him if you see his car there???

MollieO · 09/04/2011 17:42

I would write to head reiterating my original request. Ask for proof of the three year allegation and also ask what relevance it has now. I would copy my letter to the chair of governors and the head of the LEA.

bedubabe · 09/04/2011 17:53

Whomovedmychocolate - the issue is that the letter isn't a problem on IRS own, a third party had to see it.

bedubabe · 09/04/2011 17:57

Its own. Stupid phone

prh47bridge · 09/04/2011 18:08

whomovedmychocolate - It is indeed libellous to make a claim about someone's behaviour which cannot be substantiated PROVIDED the claim is made to a third party. If it is not shared with a third party there cannot be any defamatory effect by definition.

The whole point of libel is that it is about the damage to your reputation. You receive compensation based on the extent to which your reputation has been damaged. A personal letter to you cannot damage your reputation for the simple reason that no-one else sees it. Unless you can show that the person you want to sue shared the allegations with a third party a claim for libel will not succeed.

You may be able to take action against someone for the emotional distress caused by the contents of a personal letter under some circumstances but that is entirely separate from libel.

ajandjjmum · 09/04/2011 18:14

Can you talk it thru' with a solicitor?

DuelingFanjo · 09/04/2011 19:13

could you hit them with a foi request asking to see all relevant documentation related to the 2008 claims?