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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

divorce and maintenance/ house profit trade off

16 replies

namada · 01/04/2011 14:38

hiya. My DH and I are seperating/getting divorced. I am not entitled to legal aid as there is some monies invested for my kids by my dad in my name (I would not touch it) but I am on maternity leave with very small income and NO savings so cannot afford a solicitor. My dh is entitled to legal aid as his income is around £1,000 a month. Anyway......it makes most sense for him to leave the family home which is in joint names with a joint mortgage. There is probably around 15K equity in the property and I do not have the money to buy him out. He has agreed to leave if I sign something legally binding to say that I will not persue him for child maintenance for 5 years. He has said that he will still buy clothes and take kids out etc but doesnt want to be bound until he has sorted himself out. I kindof understand his point as he is deprived of a home after 10 years of being married, and also it is quite an easy and quick solution and as I cant afford a lawyer, maybe my only option? However, my parents gave us the initial deposit and he has never paid even nearly half the bills because I am the main earner (but even still- could/should have paid more than he ever did) he didnt contribute financially or practically to maintenance and never really treated the house as a home. 5 years is too long, right?

what would you do?

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 01/04/2011 14:50

I;ve answered your thread in relationships.

Collaborate · 01/04/2011 16:30

Not enough information to advice TBH. If he moves out you'll not ask for child maintenance? You'd be mad. Moving out isn't the same as either rtansferring it to you, or leaving it in your sole name.

You can't afford not to take legal advice.

Original poster

namada · 01/04/2011 17:16

he wont move out unless I transfer the mortgage into my name only and give him his share of the profit. I dont have the capital to do this and so his idea, to repay his profit share, is to for-go maintenance payment for 5 years.

I dont think it is an unreasonable arrangement? But I have NO experience of this kind of thing. I do think 5 years will result in him having regained much more than his share of the profit!

I cant think of ANY other solution that will get him to leave. At the moment I am SOOOO fed-up with him, I am inclined to agree to his proposal. But, I am wary that I am DESPERATE to have him leave and may come to regret hasty decisions

OP posts:

Collaborate · 01/04/2011 18:06

Dont do anything without there being a financial order made by the court within divorce proceedings. You'll need legal advice for this.

mamas12 · 02/04/2011 15:05

you cannot agree to this without legal advice.
solictors have a free half hour consult so please just go with this piece of paper your ex has given you for them to look at.
That's not a hard thing to do so please do it or you will be screwed I fear.

Collaborate · 02/04/2011 17:56

You won't get much in a free half hour. Just bite the bullet and pay a little money to get some proper advice. Shouldn't cost you much if you target the advice carefully.

Original poster

namada · 02/04/2011 20:22

hmmm...thanks guys. Unfortunately I dont have even a little money...running up credit cards to even pay bills just now... maybe our seperation will have to wait until I return to work

OP posts:

mamas12 · 02/04/2011 20:44

don't sign anything go to CAB and get some advice there they are free.

welshdeb · 03/04/2011 11:27

You say you have some savings set aside fir your kids. Sorting this issue out ie resolving the issue of the roof over your dc heads and child support is in their interest NOW so why can't you use just a small amount for proper legal advice now.
It's likely to be a good investment if it secures your and ultimately their long term financial security.

Maelstrom · 03/04/2011 11:38

Use the savings for the kids to buy him out, if you have an equity of approximately £15,000, £7500 will be enough to buy him out without getting into expensive legal battles. You can certainly spend far more than that if you start the legal ball rolling. Your kids will be benefitting from that, honest.

If he is earning 1000 a month he won't be paying much for child maintenance, perhaps £200 at the month in the best case scenario, in such case if you can survive well without that help, perhaps relinquishing maintenance is actually a very good deal. Having said that, there is absolutely nothing to stop you from ignoring that agreement and go straight to the CSA, so actually... he is putting himself in a very vulnerable position.

Original poster

namada · 03/04/2011 20:59

i could never touch that money that is invested for the kids. My dad invested it from his retirement fund. It is in my name for convenience (in case he dies/ goes senile- his words, not mine!!!) I am so very grateful for it and would not spend it on a divorce.

Maelstrom- i am thinking what you said - £200/ month is not really much to for-go in order to end the frustrating/upsetting/unhealthy situation we are in. And he HAS said he would give money on an informal and adhock basis. I know I cant rely on that but its summat. In the last week he has been more generous with his money than he ever has in 10 years of marriage - so you never know!

I wouldnt ignore any verbal agreement and go to CSA behind his back - not my style

OP posts:

Collaborate · 03/04/2011 21:32

But he's giving you nothing unless you sort it out legally. Whatever the cost, if you can afford to forego £200, you can afford to get it done properly. Don't say I didn't warn you.

mamas12 · 03/04/2011 22:44

Y
Why are you falling in line with whatever he is proposing.
Could you ask some more questions on here to get more clrity.
You really need to listen to someone elses perspective and not his.

Maelstrom · 05/04/2011 18:37

Namada, most people who contact the CSA do that out of failing to get exh/exp to keep to his promises, by the time you get there you don't care about style anymore. What I know, unfortunately by experience, is that at the beginning he might be more willing to help because he doesn't know yet which his expenses will be, he doesn't know yet how much you may get in Tax Credits, etc etc.

Yet, the fact that he is already talking about not paying maintenance rings some alarm bells to me. I would start putting down everything in writing.

I would give him the money, it's the cheaper option. Getting an order to allow you and your children to stay at your home may cost you far more than that.

Collaborate · 05/04/2011 21:07

Good god no. Strewth. Go ahead and make some money fir the lawyers sorting it all out when it all comes tumbling down.

prh47bridge · 05/04/2011 22:22

Agree completely with Collaborate. If you don't get some proper legal advice now you will probably end up paying far more in legal fees later.

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