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Estranged father has suddenly died, are i responsible for his funeral arrnagements/costs. Looking like he had no money.

9 replies

Florrie2 · 27/03/2011 22:42

A bit of background - I am the oldest of 4 children, my parents have been divorced for 2 decades, and we have only had limited sporadic contact with my father since then, and no one had seen him the past few years.

My brother had a call from the police last Tuesday night, to say our father had been found dead at his bungalow, they had traced my brother through a text message sent a few years ago still on my fathers mobile.

The next day, myself and my mother were rung by the police who told us to come to the police station in the district where he lived, as we would need to sign for what to do with his body - medical research etc.They informed us he had to go for a post mortem to establish cause of death, and they gave us what was found on his body - his car/housekeys, phone etc which we thought was a bit strange.

The police had given me a phone number of a close friend of his, who I called to try and find out more information on how he had died, and he advised us to get my fathers paperwork from his bungalow as he had funds to pay for his own funeral. On looking through his paperwork, he has no assets, little money in the bank, or life insurance, apart from a new laptop, and an x box. His bungalow is council owned, and his car is a mobility car, and he was receiving benefits. He has a pension, which I need to send the death certificate off to, to see if he had any beneficiaries named, as to use the money to pay off his funeral.

I have already contacted his banks, the benefits office, and the council, who have informed me due to the nature of our relationship we will not be liable for his rent arrears or clearing out of the property.

I am now worried sick I am liable for his funeral costs, and any debt he may have accrued and has not kept the paperwork for.

If I arrange the death certificate, will I be held liable for his funeral expenses?

Should I remove the laptop/x box from his bungalow, and try and sell them to raise funds for the funeral, or is that illegal?

Am I able to wash my hands of the whole thing, or am I legally obliged to sort his affairs out?

Apoplogies if I come across as cold, I only remember my father as an abusive and frightening man, who I had little to do with as soon as he left our home, and if Im being completely honest Im resenting in having anything to do with him in death. We seem to have been caught up in sorting his affairs out, which being 8 months pregnant on the verge of maternity leave in a very demanding job, is turning out to be a real worry.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 27/03/2011 22:46

I don't think anybody can compel you to do anything with the estate - the council will bury (or rather cremate) him if you won't. Maybe though it will be easier on all of you to do some basic stuff - you will have to live with this for the rest of your life after all.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 27/03/2011 22:48

I don't understand why children should be expected to make an effort for a parent who didn't give a fuck about them.

I hope you don't have to do anything you don't want to do for your father Florrie xxx

MarineIguana · 27/03/2011 22:55

You're 8 months pregnant! - you really must refuse to do it. I can relate to your feelings a little as my history with my father is very similar, except he's still alive. I absolutely would not take on his funeral costs or the burden of organising things. If it hadn't been possible to contact you, it would have been sorted out by someone. You don't need the stress at this stage, you need to take it easy whenever you can - and don't underestimate the fact that the news of his death will be having an emotional effect on you too which could be stressful in itself.

Can you contact his council and ask them to take over?

Collaborate · 27/03/2011 23:31

you're not responsible for his debts, but if you ask the funeral director to sort things out, you'll be responsible for that.

Ripeberry · 27/03/2011 23:42

Give his body for medical research. At least he will be of some use in death.

tomgoodswife · 28/03/2011 00:33

I don't think you are legal obliged - I had a similar situation with my father but it was in a different country the state trustees sorted everything out. Maybe speak to someone at the council.

HMTheQueen · 28/03/2011 15:37

There are grants from the government for funerals. I can't think of the exact details but I'm sure www.direct.gov.uk has the details. IIRC, we received £2000 to help towards DH's funeral when he died. We had no assets, savings etc so it was a big help.

HTH

sneezecakesmum · 29/03/2011 21:12

Turn around and walk away, having nothing to do with it in the same way he had nothing to do with you. At 8 mo pg you and your baby/family do not need this. Leave it to the local council to sort out. If all your memories are as awful as you say you owe less to this man than to a stranger.

meditrina · 29/03/2011 21:24

You cannot donate a body to medical research unless the deceased has signed a statement of his wishes and given informed consent.

Funeral grants are available - application forms can be had from Job Centre Plus. But you'd still have to do the admin. You could just walk away - he'll be given a pauper's funeral. Someone may want to go through his personal effects. Is there a role for your siblings?

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