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Original poster

Who should move out? Confused

21 replies

sparkleshine · 21/03/2011 19:47

Hi
Just after brief advice really just in case

DP and I are very likely going our seperate ways, hopefully without fuss.

We aren't married.

We have a house with still a big mortgage, which we've had for about 6 years. Both our names on this.
Also have 1yr old DS.
He pays all major bills and mortgage whilst I work p/t and pay nursery fees and household stuff etc

Anyway, he said I should move out with DS somewhere (mums maybe) as I couldn't afford to stay here which I thought was ok.
But my mum and best friend said he should move out and don't leave without taking advice as it's DS home.

Dont want to go all legal route really but what rights do I have to stay here? As he pays most bills should he stay? We will share custody and he will pay me money for DS.
How does it work? I've not thought that much into it tbh. Still very new and raw.

He doesn't want to sell house either.

OP posts:
Jmcwitch · 21/03/2011 21:37

hmm, now this is a hard one, if I recall correctly you are entitled to stay there as well, especially if its a joint mortgage, if it's not then thats where the problems begin.

The easiest thing to do it get advice via citizens advice, i would help more but my brain's a bit switched off

prh47bridge · 21/03/2011 23:39

The basic rule where couples are not married is that you each keep your own property and anything owned jointly is split. However, the fact there is a young child involved can change things.

I know you don't want to go the legal route but a solicitor who specialises in family law would be the best place to go for advice. If you can't agree everything between you, you will have to get the courts to decide.

Regarding money for your son, you can do this by private agreement or you can use the CSA. If you use the CSA you will be entitled to 15% of his pay after deducting tax, national insurance and pension contributions. However, if your son stays with him for one night a week or more on average this amount will be reduced. There is a calculator on the CSA website which will tell you how much you should receive.

thisisyesterday · 21/03/2011 23:41

well, can he afford to pay the mortgage and bills on the house AND another lot of rent/bills for a new place?

if not then you have no other option but to either sell the house or you move out surely?

thisisyesterday · 21/03/2011 23:42

or, can YOU pay the mortgage/bills if he moves out?

Collaborate · 21/03/2011 23:49

thisisyesterday - he can't be made to pay anything more than CSA maintenance. Although he may not want his credit rating harmed by not paying the mortgage, OP needs to be able to demonstrate that she can afford to remain there paying the mortgage herself, and that she can't rehouse the child in a suitable property more cheaply, if she's to delay a sale (unless he's seriously rich).

thisisyesterday · 21/03/2011 23:52

no, i was just thinking that if it's amicable and they arranged it between themselves then it could be a possibility. but it would only work if they could basically afford to run 2 households.

QBEE · 21/03/2011 23:55

If you are happy to move out then is it possible he can buy you out by paying you an equity percentage?

Original poster
sparkleshine · 22/03/2011 11:15

Thankyou for your advice x

No he couldn't afford to run two households. Actually our mortgage ATM is lower than what I would pay to live in a 2 bed flat/house. So not sure how that would work with regards to who moves out.
My mum is very concerned that I'm going to miss out on what I should be getting.
Would I be entitled to any benefits or discounted child nursery fee even though he pays towards childcare. Never had benefits before so unsure how this works.
My head is all over the place.

Will take a look at the CSA calculator now thanks x

OP posts:
applegeek · 22/03/2011 11:45

CSA calculator isnt the most accurate of things, unless you know a fair bit about what they earn

15% of his net income for maintenance
less than 53 nights shared car (one night per weekend) 0 discount
53-102 (IIRC) 5% discount
102-cant recall now 10%

the most an NRP has to pay is 25% of their net income, thats regardless of how many children they have, they also get a discount if they have children again in the future.

babybarrister · 22/03/2011 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Collaborate · 22/03/2011 13:11

CSA deductions for shared care are

52-103 nights: one-seventh
104-156 nights: two sevenths

etc

OP - your tax credits are not affected by what he pays you in child maintenance.

Get some proper advice.

LawrieMarlow · 22/03/2011 13:12

Just hijacking the thread but was wondering what percentage of net pay would be expected for 2 children or is the 15% for any amount? H and I are trying to work money matters out amicably but am wondering if I am selling myself short. There is also Joint debt (IVA payments) he will be making so there will be less money available.

cestlavielife · 22/03/2011 13:40

if he doesnt want to sell he could buy you out ie pay you a share of the eq uity so you get a lump sum eg to put a deposit soemwhere ,

do you particularly want to stay in the house? emotional reasons?

while you dont neeed ot go to court over it (yet) it would be good idea too write down what you agree for next six months in terms of who pays what, when you each ahd DS etc and agree that in writing - possibly with a mediator so yu have third party there .

look up parenting gplans and use one as a basis for dicsussion of all issues

eg www.cafcass.gov.uk/PDF/FINAL%20web%20version%20251108.pdf

prh47bridge · 22/03/2011 14:05

LawrieMarlow - It is 15% for one child, 20% for two children, 25% for three or more children.

LawrieMarlow · 22/03/2011 14:41

Thank you prh47bridge. Am not sure how many nights he is going to have them which I realise reduces it as well. Calculating it without taking into account the debt payments would suggest that the amount I think is "reasonable" is the same as the CSA suggestion.

Original poster
sparkleshine · 22/03/2011 18:26

Well DS will be staying with DP 2-3 nights pw depending on my shifts at work and who takes him to nursery.
I feel like I should stay here as some people are saying don't move but with all bills etc I couldn't afford it even with maintainance.

It's confusing and still so raw ATM. Just don't know what is best. Think I will have a chat to citizens advice.

OP posts:
NotActuallyAMum · 23/03/2011 10:36

Probably not what you want to hear but surely if you "couldn't afford it even with maintainance" then you have to move out?

I'm not legally qualified though so happy to stand corrected

Bramshott · 23/03/2011 10:42

Does anyone have to stay? Would it not make sense to sell the house, split what equity there is, and both get a smaller place?

cestlavielife · 23/03/2011 12:20

it is not op's equity as they not married. legally, if she not on mortgage/land registry, she would have to prove her interest in the property. if she has only contributed to decorating and furnishings that wont count for much...but she could ask a lawyer.

he only has financial responsibility for the children.

but if he amicable and agreeing then of course he can agree to sharing out (giving her) equity as he wishes.

or she could argue she needs some for the children - to house them - which might end up being put in childrens name and effectively would revert to him when youngest reaches 18.

Bramshott · 23/03/2011 12:48

But she is on the mortage I think Cestlavie. She says "both our names on this".

FWIW I think a lot of people end up tied to a house they can't afford, in order to maintain stability for the DCs, when in fact it would be much better and simpler to sell the family home, split the equity and each start again separately.

cestlavielife · 23/03/2011 13:04

ah yes sorri - confusing with someone else!

if both names on mortgage then yes she entitled to her share...if not married then ether they agree amicably or ask solicitor advice -
if it does go to court its TOLATA and childrens act

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