Ist FDR - what happens? Nervous. Horrid ex.

[Theyremybiscuits]

Hi, I am attending the 1st FDR in a couple of months time.
My ex and I have very different aims in sorting out our finances and the marital home.

Can anyone tell me what happens when I go to court?

The kids and I are really hoping it can be sorted on this attempt.

Is it v. expensive for him if he digs his heels in and it goes to the next level?

Anyone? thanks

Have you got a solicitor? They should be filling you in on this!
This will tell you all you need to know:

www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/HMCSCourtFinder/GetLeaflet.do?court_leaflets_id=971

Do you mean 1st Appointment or FDR?

if you oth rpoose v differnet things it cna drag on - my case is as not married but simialr.
what happens at court?
you bth arrive about an hour before hearing with or without your barrister /solciitor.
you or your solicitors can meet before the actual eharing and amybe reach agreement on some issues.

you then go in and both sides presented - hoepfully all is agreed and off you go.
judge might ask you to go out and discuss a particular issue and try and come to some agreement tbefore you go back in.

expect lots of waiting around. take a sandwich!

but more likely - wont be resolved and anotehr date will be set

yes different - diff laws...TOLATA/childrens act.

but judge has asked for our next hearing to be "FDR-style" .....

Well I think its important to be very well prepared because the outcome of all this will determine your financial future and that of your children and by that token your and your children's future wellbeing.

So make sure you have the accounts very well documented-both yours and exH and possible inheritances and possible pensions and think seriously what you need in future and also how you might manage if you got ill but also don't regard ex as a meal ticket for life or as a money tree and think of a realistic part time salary for yourself scenario which includes the cost of childcare.
Then decide if you have all the info you need and decide what you need. Never underestimate your need and make sure you have a financial cushion but also don't be greedy.

My experience of solicitors etc is that they are like doctors on another plane and therefore don't tell you what you need to know because they don't realise you need to know it. So ask lots of questions and don't use the solicitor as an emotional crutch use a friend for that. There is the CAB and the family mediation service and the personal support unit (PSU) and they can all give really useful advice to help you understand the process.

And have a plan with your solicitor for 'what if'; what if ex is amenable and what if ex is really adversarial.

Even though it is listed as an FDR it is perfectly possible and indeed a lot better for you to instruct your legal team to correspond and even talk to the other party to reach an agreement before the hearing which then gets formalised as a 'consent order' at the FDR. The judge will make sure what you have agreed is fair. Then you share the legal costs.

If it all goes to a bunfight then the two legal sides tend to get the bit between their teeth and each side wants to 'win' and the loosing side gets to pay all the legal costs which can be tricky.

Hope this helps

'The kids and I are really hoping it can be sorted'....

This is important-it will be sorted. But as a mum you will need to help the children know that whatever the outcome they are going to be OK and looked after and loved. Whatever the outcome.