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Legal matters

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Original poster

please help.. i need a GOOD solicitor..

27 replies

mademybed · 02/03/2011 11:00

Could anyone recommend a good family solicitor?

My 3 month old son's father said his solicitor will be sending me a letter and I want to try and research to get a good solicitor (rather than leaving it to luck) sorted out early..

He threatened me at the beginning that if I did not give him exactly as he wanted he would take me to court and that he gets legal aid and that I would not. Ive given him fantastic access so far - every day available if he wants it (except for 2 separate days when I went to visit family and he was angry he couldnt come)..

He was very nice, all other times and was visiting very often but for 10 mins to 30 mins.. I asked if he could come less often but for longer, he said he would - but then just started staying longer when he did come..

He then raised a load of issues (such as the baby should not sleep in the front room where there is noise in the day - he should be in a quiet room).. and caused a HUGE argument - his solution was to have the baby unsupervised away from my home. Which solves NONE of his issues..

now I am to wait to hear from his solicitor..

There is a whole load of background info but I dont want to bore anyone and just get to the point.. As its an important one!

I may be able to get legal aid - I am not too sure - but I would really like to hear from someone that has had a good solicitor that would accept legal aid...

Thank you all so much in advance!

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 02/03/2011 11:30

If his issues are around the baby sleeping in the front room and similar you don't have much to worry about. He cannot dictate what you do with your son when he is in your care.

If you want representation I suggest you go to www.resolution.org.uk and find a solicitor in your area who is a member.

cestlavielife · 02/03/2011 11:47

i think you need to start planning contact to happen not at your house. eg at a friend /relative /his place.

then he cannot dictate how you care for him (nor you to him) unless genuine welfare issues

Resolution · 02/03/2011 12:25

If you PM me where you live, I might be able to give you a name or two.

babybarrister · 02/03/2011 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 02/03/2011 13:32

If you go onto the legal services commission website (google it) you can search by area and it then gives an option to filter those who take legal aid cases.

You can then cross-reference this list with the Legal 500 (again google this) - you can either look at the full list for your area and pick the one furthest up the list which is also on the legal aid list, or just search each legal aid solicitor directly and find which one is best rated.

Original poster
mademybed · 02/03/2011 17:36

Hello everyone - Im really sorry... Im in London (key thing to leave out..)

I will hopefully get legal aid - Im not really sure though.. Ive never needed anything like this before.. I was self employed, but due to economy I was earning a lot less that I had in the past - and I am now getting maternity benefit as I dont have an employer for maternity pay!

OP posts:
oldqueenie · 02/03/2011 21:05

north / south / west / east london?

Original poster
mademybed · 02/03/2011 21:29

im fairly central - will travel to a good solicitor though

OP posts:
darleneconnor · 02/03/2011 21:40

Does he have pr?

Original poster
mademybed · 02/03/2011 22:13

No - he doesnt have PR

OP posts:
oldqueenie · 02/03/2011 23:16

try goodman ray in hackney. they do legal aid work and are specialists in child law.

bringinghomethebacon · 02/03/2011 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heroine · 02/03/2011 23:24

btw if he is using the threat of legal costs by raising court action he hopes you can't afford, rather than to address a legitimate dispute and his solicitor helps this is called vexatious use of the courts and is frowned upon so much that proven cases of serious vexatious use lead to that person being banned from using any court without written high court permission. If solicitor does not advise against this (many vexatious litigants represent themselves) then you may be able to make a complaint to the solicitor's regulation authority. IF a soliticitor is knowingly aiding vexatious litigation I am pretty sure they can be struck off - them knowing that you know this (research it though!) should do wonders in negotiation for all but the most nutty (and usually wealthy) vexatious litigants.

MollieO · 02/03/2011 23:28

Is his name on the birth certificate? If so he will have PR.

bringinghomethebacon · 02/03/2011 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Resolution · 02/03/2011 23:37

Heroine - very extreme I'm afraid. Solicitors will not get disciplined for this (why should they? It's their client who instructs them to issue after all) and is is very hard to get an order for costs within children act proceedings, and same goes for what is known as a s91(14) direction (restricting the right of a parent to apply to court unless they have the permission of the judge (any judge - not just the high court)).

babybarrister · 03/03/2011 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mademybed · 03/03/2011 12:26

cestlavielife - unfortunately I wont be letting him have the baby at his house. There are several trust issues and I do not think he is responsible enough to look after a baby. We have no mutual friends and I certainly would not want someone as unstable as him at my mothers house!

Thanks Heroine - thats interesting to know

MollieO - no he is not on the birth certifcate. He has a big problem with this as he wants my son to have his surname (we were never married, or even in a stable relationship. I had ended things before I found out I was pregnant, and when I did find out he said he did not want anything to do with it.. only to change his mind when the baby was born)

bringinghomthebacon - I am hoping he wont get legal aid at all as I offered him weekly visits where there will be no discussions or arguements - just visits to the baby.. Im not sure what he is planning to take me to court for - if its access then he is getting it already, if its more access - then how much should i offer to be reasonable? if its parental responsibility does he have the right to have it.. considering the circumstances? what else could he take me to court for?! one of his problems was that i am neglecting the baby because the baby is hungry and i dont want to feed it - he has to..(this is because i dont shove food in his mouth the moment he cries - i understand when he has wind, or is over stimulated etc) not that i am particularly worried about his claims, as anyone could look at his chubby little cheeks and see the baby is very healthy!

I have no idea of even what to expect from a solicitors letter or what happens when being taken to court - Ive never had to deal with anything like this before!

OP posts:
freshmint · 03/03/2011 20:18

If he applies for parental liability he is likely to get it as he is the father and is clearly interested in and involved with his son. If he asks you for it you might as well agree to it. With regard to access - you certainly don't have to give him access for 30 mins a day every day if you don't want to but you will need to give him regular access and probably even staying access if there is no reason not to (no violence, doesn't abuse alcohol or drugs, has an appropriate and safe place to live that the child can stay at).

Neither of you can or should go to court over parenting disagreements like what room he should sleep in or whether you wind him before feeding him etc. You will be wasting everyone's time.

Why don't you accept that he is the baby's father, wants to be interested, and agree regular access at regular times working towards staying access?

You need to both be parents to this baby - that is in his best interests.

freshmint · 03/03/2011 20:19

parental responsibility! not liability. where did that come from?!!

Original poster
mademybed · 03/03/2011 22:07

freshmint.. there are serious trust issues between me and the babys father. our very short and rocky relationship was breaking down fast and i had ended things with him by the time i found out i was pregnant. he admitted to me that he hadnt used a condom without me knowing (though later said to other people i had virtually raped him!)... which is bad enough - but he has HIV and hepatitis which he got from injecting heroin in the past. so throughout my pregnancy i had the worry of this and had to go back and forth for blood tests for hiv/hep.. he said he wasnt interested, didnt see me throughout the pregnancy (which was a main factor in me keeping the baby) and then just before i was due to give birth he wanted to be involved. there was a lot of anger and threats from him at the beginning - i said i would not deny him or my baby the right to know each other - but it has to be civil - that i was willing to drop everything from the past as long as there is peace..

there have been lots of other things happening.. but thats the main point of why i wouldnt be prepared for him to have unsupervised access rights. he still uses drugs and is very unstable, and i feel he cannot look after himself properly, so would not be able to look after a child responsibly. for that reason i have (i feel) bent over backwards to keep the peace and give him an opportunity to spend time with the baby. i have also made it clear to him i do not want to be in a relationship with him which makes me think this is the reason he is now wanting to cause trouble..

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 04/03/2011 10:35

well you raising some serious issues now - drugs etc - but do you ahve evidence? does he admit it to you>? is he under a programme to withdraw from GP etc etc?

if you have some evidence/proof then i think you should offer contact centre contact.

try and visit your local ones see how they are for a small baby and what support /superivision there would be

www.naccc.org.uk/

wait to see what the letter says.

then seek advice on basis of that.

but arguing over where baby sleeps is different from threats etc made to you... or evidence of his instability due to drug use.

if it does get to a court heairng and he can present as fine, stable, loving upstanding dad (eg his drug use is under control) then is not same as someone who clearly is drugged out etc...

your issue here is you saying he is "unstable" and you being able to show this to back up your reasons for having contact centre.

sungirltan · 04/03/2011 10:46

i don't know much about family law but i do suggest you keep a diary of all the contact/conversations - threats etc/his behaviour and other ocntact - telephone/email -just to cover yourself if things do go to court. some solicitors do 30 minute one off slots of legal advice so you could go and speak to a couple informally and get some info

cestlavielife · 04/03/2011 11:30

ops from expereince "bending over backwards to keep the peace and give him an opportunity to spend time with the baby" or in my case DC - well it just backfired.

i should have been tough from the beginning.

even then - well you in for a long road...

start a log/diary record eveything and try to get discussions on email so you have a record.

you ahv ebeen allowing him to your house and you need to explain why you having change of mind etc - threats to you could be enough.

Original poster
mademybed · 04/03/2011 22:15

Thanks everyone.. I actually now intend to keep a diary about the things that have happened and so on, so thanks for that advice!

OP posts: