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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Will my EXP get more contact if he takes me to court?

52 replies

Newbabynewmum · 19/02/2011 22:42

Just to give you a bit of backround -

EXP drinks & I have evidence of substance abuse
He is highly intimidating & abusive & has been violent to me before
When living with me and DD (2months old) he has shouted at her and sworn at her admitting it was out of frustration
He has fed her a handful of times in herclife - I FF - never got up in the night etc

DD is now 5months.

I am offering EXP to come round to mine twice a week in the evenings after work and then once for a couple of hours at the weekend.

He wants unsupervised contact. Judging from his past would he ever get this? I am very worried. I think hat I am bring reasonable. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:02

Chippingin - I didn't consider my post to be rude. In fact I toned it down. To be honest you're posting mainly shite here.

Disgraceful.

If you were a solicitor I'd report you.

It isn't true, OP, that he'd get a prohibited steps order to stop you moving away, but that isn't on the radar anyway.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 21/02/2011 00:28

Resolution

Sorry - I missed the memo where yours was the only opinion allowed and what you think you could possibly report me for I don't know Hmm

Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:32

Your so called advice is damaging. If you were a solicitor (which I seriously doubt) I'd report you to the SRA for professional misconduct.

Presumably if we had a medical forum you'd be advising on brain surgery.

freshmint · 21/02/2011 00:33

second legal thread with laypeople giving dangerous advice today

hmm

Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:34

The point I'm trying to make is that in matters of law (check the title - legal matters) it often isn't a matter of opinion. The OP is after proper advice, not shoot from the hip, ill informed nonsense that you've been doling out.

freshmint · 21/02/2011 00:37

"I don't actually see why you think her having a good relationship with him benefits her" says Chipping

Well the court will take the diametrically opposite approach - so of what value is your opinion in this, Chipping?

Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:40

"If you are staying there, tell him that this is your best offer and it's conditional on him paying as per the CSA. If he doesn't pay and he doesn't just agree to it, tell him to bugger off and do it through his solicitor."

It was this that really ticked me off. I really don't know what motivates some people. If they haven't got anything better to say than this, they should switch off their computer and do something else instead.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 21/02/2011 00:42

On MN - exactly the same as yours freshmint.

Resolution - why I are you trying to suggest I am pretending to be a solicitor - if I was going to pretend to be anything it wouldn't be a solictor Hmm

Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:46

To the OP:

Sorry that we appear to be having a spat with Chippingin. You seem to be where I'd expect you to be at this stage. He'll have to demonstrate reliability and that he has no drink or drug problems. It might be that he'd end up with unsupervised contact down the line, but only after he's satisfied the court he's not a risk to the child. It's up to him to apply to the court if he's unhappy with the contact on offer.

It's right that you should approach it as you do - ie recognising the need for your daughter to have a relationship with her father, but also recognising the possible risks.

freshmint · 21/02/2011 00:46

Yes but chipping the OP asked a very specific question. Will her ex get more contact if he takes her to court? It doesn't really need people with no clue about what court will consider to post a load of stuff which would only make her position, if she were to go to court, much worse. Do you see?
That's why I say it is dangerous.
Of course your opinion on any of the other threads is just as valid. But you need to be careful on these kinds of threads. And telling lawyers who say the opposite to you that they are wankers (or whatever) is doubly unhelpful.

Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:48

Chippingin - your opinion has no value if it's wrong, which it is.

Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:51

And I wasn't suggesting you were pretending to be a solicitor. The 'advice' you were giving amply demonstrated you aren't. Hence the 'if you were a solicitor' bit of my post.

Resolution · 21/02/2011 00:53

You also don't have to be a solicitor to post good advice here. There are a number of posters who I know aren't solicitors but who always seem to post sensible and accurate advice.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 21/02/2011 01:09

I don't need your permission to post here or anywhere on MN.

NBNM knows I am not a solicitor - I advised her to go and see one. A real one.

If you'd like to point out where I called anyone a wanker (or similar) that would be grand.

If you were a solicitor (which I seriously doubt) - rather implies I was trying to pass myself off as one, which I was not. I made that very clear from my first post.

STIDW · 21/02/2011 03:30

The bottom line is courts presume that when a child lives with one parent it is in the child's best interests to see and know the other parent (even if the parent's behaviour leaves a lot to be desired by most people's standards) in all but the most exceptional circumstances. It's very damaging to children to know one parent thinks the other parent is too awful to see them. Children who don't know a parent tend to grow up with low self esteem leading to emotional and behavioural problems in later life.

The courts take a dim view of withholding contact to extract child support or moving to frustrate contact. Two wrongs don't make a right. Rather than parents engaging in a cycle of provocation and retaliation focusing on a way forward for safe contact is far more constructive in the vast majority of cases.

Resolution · 21/02/2011 08:07

Chippingin - just re read the first page of this thread - you must have got MN to delete where you made it clear you're not a solicitor. I have never alleged though that you've held yourself out as one - merely that your 'advice' is so bad and damaging that if you were one, I'd have grounds to report you. I'm sorry you can't tell the difference.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 21/02/2011 10:53

Resolution - it's a shame your level of comprehension isn't all it could be, but never mind - I'm sure you can work on it.

I'm sorry that you feel so insecure in your contribution to a thread that you need to pick apart others.

Was it too much for you just to do as STIDW did and post your own opinion?

Frankly - anything on here is just an opinion, no one has any idea who is behind the computer - which is why I suggested she goes and asks her solicitor.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 21/02/2011 10:54

NBNM - PM me if you'd like to chat :)

GypsyMoth · 21/02/2011 10:56

Didn't even realise this was in legal, but there us a disclaimer anyway to warn posters that replies aren't always from qualified solicitors.

I can only offer advise from what I've learnt myself from the court system, some from my own case and some I've seem happen in others

My own solicitor was a bit wishy washy to be honest, and I had to do some research of my own. Cafcass was where I turned,,fortunately I got good advice.

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast · 21/02/2011 11:02

Exactly ILT.

prh47bridge · 21/02/2011 11:25

Advice on here should be treated with caution, certainly. You don't know the qualifications of the various posters. However, I don't think that justifies someone who clearly doesn't know what they are talking about posting damaging advice and then getting upset when the OP is advised to ignore their advice.

By the way, there is no disclaimer in the legal matters forum. There are disclaimers in some other Mumsnet forums but not here. There probably should be a disclaimer here as well.

GypsyMoth · 21/02/2011 12:02

PR.......I'm sure there's something somewhere about legal people who may not be qualified! Am on iPhone so may not be able to see it.

prh47bridge · 21/02/2011 12:27

There is such a disclaimer on Employment Issues but for some reason not on Legal Matters.

GypsyMoth · 21/02/2011 13:19

Lol ..... Well I reported my post to as mnhq to clarify, but think I've confused them now!

I think there should be one here too. Or a child access/residency topic for mothers to rant and share experiences, but away from the legal topic.

Resolution · 21/02/2011 13:24

There tends to be a fair bit of that in the relationships forum.