problems with my ex

[lydia15]

I need help. me and my ex split a year ago, we never married or lived together, he does however have a PR agreement. My ex will NOT communicate with me over matters regarding my son, schooling, behaviour etc..i text and ring but get no reply!!!..my ex see's my son everyday as lives down same street..I dont want to talk to my ex face to face as he frightens me. I want to move to another part of town, but apparently he wont let me, i want to take my son out for days with me and my new partner, he wont let me, even tho he takes my son out all the time!!...i have been told, through my son, that if i move out of the street he will apply for full custody of my son!!!!....I feel so sorry for my son cos messages are passed through him, despite me trying to text my ex.apparently when i send him a text he gets my son to read, then delete it!!!....I feel trapped and desperate..I am having such a bad time with my ex..i dont want confrontation, but then again dont want to roll over and give in!!..I dont know which way to turn now..feeling helpless and desolate ..Oh ad before i forget, my son was due to go to a party tonight, and we had a massive fight....I grounded him, he rang his dad, and his dad said he was going to call the police and have me arrested..is this even possible???

Right, that is clearer. So the plan, if/when you move, is to continue the 50/50 agreement during the weekend, but to have more structure at the weekends (alternates?) which will be easier to enforce as your son won't be able to just pop round his Dad's.

However, it has to be faced that your ex could simply say to your son that he can still go round whenever, and the ball will be back in your court in terms of enforcing your routine.

Can you sit down with your son calmly and explain what you want the plan to be like, including wanting to spend quality time with him (perhaps some one on one time?) and show him that what you are suggesting is fair to his Dad?

Also - and I'm sure someone qualified can correct me if I am wrong - I think you can only take a child out of the country for a period of up to one month if there is a Residence Order in place - otherwise you have to have permission from anyone with PR.

That's right (about needing consent to remove).

I did think about sitting down and telling my son about the alternate weekend plan, but he will go and tell his dad straight away, and HE will only see it as me trying to stop him from seeing his son,which isn;t the case at all, which is why I am going to see the solicitor, and let her suggest that to him through a letter!, If i text or write to him suggesting it I will get no reply from him, but he will HAVE to respond to a solicitors letter!.

There is no residence order in place, I have heard that that can take a LONG time to get, I dont want to suggest that as again the ex will see it as me trying to stop him seeing my son!.

I'm not sure he HAS to respond to a solicitor's letter, but I hope the solicitor gives you helpful advice and helps you make sense of a difficult situation.

Thanks Balia, me too x

I went to see my DS1's mental Health worker yesterday, he is going to see my son in 2 weeks...and have a talk to him about the issues he is having, AND he said he would write to DS1's dad and tell him that the problems I am having with DS1 will all be solved if he just communicated with me!!!...hope it all goes well.x

Yes, take the advice and counselling and try to get the relationship with your son working better as those are things you can fix and leave the ex to himself. If your son could just stick to fixed weekend times then you'd have more freedom to plan your weekends.