Does anyone speak divorce-ese?

[changeforthebetter]

Had a letter from my solicitor tonight (so can't do anything about it till Monday) enclosing one from his stating X will agree to the divorce "as long as I don't pursue costs". I am not sure what this means.

I am asking him for maintenance and we have to sort out what happens to the marital home but these are things to be dealt with (I hope) in mediation.

Is he talking about the costs of the divorce which he thinks I want to recoup from him. God knows, he can bloody afford it and I can't but it hadn't been my intention to do that (although, I am likely to lose my job at the end of March which makes my financial position much worse )

He us asking for you to pay your own legal costs rather than getting him to pay your solicitor's bill.

"is" not "us" obviously...

Ah, I see. Thank you - as I thought

I must admit, I had intended paying my own costs anyway until I found out about my contract not being renewed (not redundancy so no payout ). Stupid twunt - why didn't he raise this at mediation to save solicitor's letters at Jesus-wept!-how-much??!! prices . The fees for the divorce are only a small portion of the settlement (house, pensions, ongoing maintenance for 2 young children).

Call his bluff. If it's an adultery petition you'd expect to get your costs. If behaviour, it depends who can be bothered to turn up for decree nisi and argue the point before the judge.

You might want to make him an offer to pay half your costs. I find this works more often than not. Usually I put costs at between £1300-£1500, so half is not to be sneezed at, and usually is the fair outcome given that often it's neither one person's fault or the other's.

Not adultery as I have no proof but unreasonable behaviour. I'm not sure i have the stomach for a fight over the divorce. He is in a much stronger position (permanent job, loads of savings) and he is extremely good at arguing his corner.

I have to talk to my solicitor about this anyway and my change of circumstances but thanks for replying

If you are petitioning on unreasonable behaviour then you would be likely to get costs (if you asked) unless he wrote that he objected on his acknowledgment of service or another letter to the court. If he did, then he would probably be told to turn up to the pronouncement of the DN (which normally nobody is expected to go to) to say why he didn't want to pay costs. If he said "because I don't want to" he'd probably get a costs order slapped on him anyway.

He can't "not agree" to the divorce if you are doing it on behaviour (as opposed to eg 2 years + his consent) but it sounds like he is threatening to defend the divorce if you ask for costs... I doubt he'd bother but some people do. Which gets messy and expensive.

I suggest you petition for your costs and see if he defends or not. ie call his bluff. If he doesn't defend you are probably home free.