Scary tax credit letter - anyone else had one?

[StuffingGoldBrass]

OK it looks a fairly standard letter asking me if I have acquired a partner and forgotten to tell them (which I haven't).
BUT there's a long list of ways in which you 'might be considered to be a couple' and one of them is 'You socialise as a couple/family'.
DS dad is not my partner. He doesn't live with me and DS, he has a home of his own, he doesn;t pay our bills, though he does give me money informally time to time (he is freelance) for DS, and looks after DS and stays here sometimes.
But we are not a couple. We do not date, or have sex, or behave towards each other in any romantic/sexual way; both of us occasionally date or have sex with other people...
I just find that definition of couplehood very unnerving.

It's full commitment or nothing. I dont' like it.

It's not nothing is it, dating, going out together is fine, 6 nights a week at her house is not fine.
But that's what happens when you have men who think it's ok to have children scattered all over the place and leave when the going gets tough onto the next single mum rinse and repeat.
I wouldn't take responsibility for or pay for somebody else's children, it's a rare person that would so hats off to your DP.

well, tbh, reality, if those are your criteria, it would be incredibly easy for us to claim we are not a couple.

the flat is in dh's name only, and the bills are all registered to him. he has post delivered there, naturally (bills etc, inc credit cards, as it is easier to keep track of what is registered where if all at one address).

what he puts into the household pot here (as in monies "paid" to me I am a sahm) is less than he owuld end up paying in maintenance payments if we were separated.

so, a GP registration (he is not registered where we currently live either, btw - we rarely see docs, so is probably registered still at our last address anyway) would fulfill your criteria, or it owuld be easy enough to make out that it did (ie him paying maintenance)

but the fact is of course, despite that we are living together.

and in the case you highlighted, someone spending 6 nights a week, paying ofr some of the household stuff (ie money towards food etc) and doing household maintenance tasks, as well as socialising a lot - yep, in my book that's as good as living together. whether they would want it to be called that for tax credit purposes is another thing, but the fact remains that they are living as a couple.

But Reality, rightly or wrongly, if your dp was staying over at your house 6 nights a week, he was living there and you were makign a fraudulent claim. It sucks, I know. I'm a single parent but stated seeing someone 4 months ago. We stick religiously to 3 nights a week that he is here, he comes over in the evenign when the dc are in bed and he leaves straight for work. I can't afford to lose tax credits and the reality is he doesn't contribute finacially. The thought of our finances if we eventually do end up living together scares the crap out of me. It's a harsh system, but it has to be. Fwiw, I thinkt he OP just recieved a random, standard letter. There must be many people who continue to claim as single when in reality they are anything but

OP please do not panic i had one of those letters and called them, they asked a few questions and was satisfied with my answers then they told me that they had checked a credit file and found someone elses name associated financially at my address whilst i have lived here (rented property). turned out it was a previous tennent that took out finance.

Why don't you put in incentives for people to be together which has to be better for the children rather than paying people to live apart, I'm sure that would be welcomed.
People won't stay in bad relationships because of money.

He's not on DS birth certificate. He doesn't stay here more than 2 nights a week (and I am usually elsewhere for one or both of those nights.
He does give me some cash from time to time when he can (he is a freelance on erratic money) but that's maintenance - just like any separated NRP gives. They don't class divorced people as a couple when the NRP is paying maintenance.
Still can't get through to the bastards on the phone.

No that's not what I am saying and you know it, nobody would stay with a bad partner for money, they just wouldn't.
BUT if you knew there was no disadvantage to moving in with a new partner then you'd no doubt have done it sooner.

I think building up a relationship takes time, especially when existing dc are In the equation, and more so for us women who have left abusive relationships and are trying to have a 'normal' relationship!!!!

SGB - I think it will be easy for you to show that your ex staying is about access, and that the money is maintenance.

I don't think HMRC are interested in making out there is a relationship where there is none, but want to know whether there is one or not.

Really, don't worry about it. once you get through on the phone, I am sure it will be as other posters have said - a chat about how things are, and Bob's your uncle

UPdate: Phew! They had some old records for my address which showed three other people living here and IU was able to explain that these were the previous tenants who had moved out 6 years ago. Tax office now perfectly happy and I am going to have a soothing

That's good news SGB. Breathe easy again!

I've just had the same letter - - I can't quite get over the

"share responsibility for looking after any dependant children"

what?? You are a couple of if you show an ounce of being human and continue to be a parent after you split???