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Original poster

Unmarried parents - protecting ourselves/DC in the event of our deaths?

18 replies

philbertstreetfox · 28/01/2011 17:26

(Namechanged for this due to personal details - I know this is a popular topic on here so sorry but searches can't answer my exact query)

My partner owns our house. I have lived here for almost three years and have contributed towards the mortgage and bills in the form of a monthly cheque made payable to my partner. My name is not on the mortgage and only on the council tax bill and TV licence.

We have a baby and my partner's name is on her birth certificate. She has his surname. We have made wills for free through my partner's union - our neighbours witnessed them and we have them at home, they are not lodged anywhere. He has left his estate including the house to me. I have stated that he should have full responsibility for our daughter in the event of my death (haven't really got anything to leave but he gets it anyway!).

I am the named beneficiary of DP's death in service benefit and I have just applied to make him mine. I have also sent off the form to make him the recipient of my pension.

I know that if we split up I am up sh*t creek wrt the house, etc, but please could you tell me if we have covered everything in regard to one of us dying? I know we would not get widowed parents allowance as you need to be married for that.

TIA

OP posts:
sneezecakesmum · 28/01/2011 20:59

Have you considered both of you dying (sorry Sad) but these things do happen. In the event of your deaths you should have put in place (via wills) a guardian who would care for your DD - having first discussed with them of course! I'd try the free legal advice or CAB as these are very tricky areas of law.

Original poster
philbertstreetfox · 30/01/2011 10:09

We have, our parents are elderly and we have no siblings, so we have asked in our wills that our parents share the care as appropriate given health etc. God that's awful to think she could be left with nobody - best get cracking TTC #2!

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 30/01/2011 10:14

I wouldn't be happy about having a will that is not lodged anywhere - sorry.

but solicitors now charge a one of fee to have your will lodged with a company that is all indexed - so in the event of your death or both then a will can be produced.

Your parents are elderly, have you thought about if ss got involved and said they were to elderly to care care of a small child? Which can and has happened in the past in the UK.

I have you thought about cousins or friends that may be suitable in this event?

Xenia · 30/01/2011 17:12

It's a bit foolish to be paying towards the mortgage without him letting you on the title deeds. If you have paid say 20% of the mortgage then it might be reasonable unless htere is a ot of existing equity to put the house into joint names with 20% share to be yours. You can indicate that on the form. Make sure you make no career sacrifice for children too as he has chosen not to protect you by marriaeg so don't let yourself get into the weaker economic position as he won't protect you through law/joint names of property. As he won't then if someone has to sacrifice career it ought to be him to make it fair.

As he is choosing not protect you as he would have to a wife then you shoudl ensure you increase your earnings as much asy ou can. He could take on a lot more childcare to even things out. It is very unlikely either of you will die soon. It is much more likely he will throw you out or have an affair/your both break up.

onimolap · 30/01/2011 17:25

What is the value of the house?

If this takes his estate over the IHT threshold, then you might want to consider if he should leave some share of it directly in trust to DC. IHT threshold these days transfers between spouses, but not to unmarried partners. You might want to see if you can plan around it.

Does it really matter if a will is not lodged (panicking as mine isn't), as long as it can be found?

girlynut · 30/01/2011 21:12

It sounds like you've covered everything you need to with the Wills. They don't have to be lodged anywhere to be effective - it just makes them easier for the executors to find and ensures that the most recent Will is used.

I'd be more concerned about your position if you split up.

You could get your name added to the deeds. If you stipulate that you are both joint tenants then, if one person dies, the property automatically passes to the survivor.

Or you could execute a Deed of Trust setting out exactly what you intend your respective shares in the property to be. (We did this to reflect that BF had contributed a much greater amount than me to the deposit.)

Or you could get a solicitor to draw up a Cohabitation Agreement setting out who contributes what financially and how that equates to ownership of the property.

Hulababy · 30/01/2011 21:14

Most solicitor's firms don't charge anything to keep wills for you. You also get a company.

However, not sure they would take in a will they hadn't written. Could you keep them with your bank?

Original poster
philbertstreetfox · 31/01/2011 09:58

The instruction we received with the wills said we didn't need to lodge them anywhere and we are on a tight budget so haven't, but our parents have copies in their lofts.

WRT to DD there is nobody else we could ask at this point in time. We have three grandparents still going strong in their late 80s so fingers crossed our parents will do well too. There's not much we can do about being only children :(
Perhaps as our friends settle down and start families there will be someone that we might ask and change the wills accordingly.

I know Xenia has very strong ideas about how much money mothers should have, and I'm afraid I don't really have any money, neither does DP. If he turns out to be a swine me and DD will go live with my parents, coparenting with GPs has served my family well in the past.

OP posts:
northangerabbey · 31/01/2011 10:56

HM court service have a really good wills storage service, it's a £15 one-off fee. I recommend all my clients to use it (am a willwriter).

Will try to find the link and get back to you.

northangerabbey · 31/01/2011 10:58

here you go:

www.courts-service.gov.uk/cms/1218/htm

northangerabbey · 31/01/2011 11:00

Hmm, don't know why that didn't work, but if you go to HM court service website, then W for Wills, then click on the panel on the left it explains how to deposit wills for safekeeping. The leaflet/form you need is PA7

ThePosieParker · 31/01/2011 11:02

Get married, that's the only way to legally protect yourself and your children....esp. regarding inheritance tax.

you can get married for less that £100.

Original poster
philbertstreetfox · 31/01/2011 18:07

Thanks northangerabbey will have a look at that, £15 is excellent.

We are nowhere near the threshold for inheritance tax! But thanks anyway.

OP posts:
Maelstrom · 31/01/2011 18:11

Xenia is right, well right, as I and many women have found through bad experience.

Xenia · 01/02/2011 19:56

Why won't he put you on the title deeds if you're contributing to the mortgage? IT woudl hugely imporve your position. I doesn';t have to be a 50% share. It coudl be whatever share represents any career sacrifice you have made to care for his child and also to reflect the fact you are paying some of the mortgage. If he won't you have to wonder as to his long term intentions. Of course if you made no career sacrifice at all and the house is 90% equity and your contriution to the mortgage is 1% of the 10% mortgaged then I could understand.

Original poster
philbertstreetfox · 02/02/2011 13:10

There's no "won't" in this situation, he offered to put me on the deeds when I was pg, I declined. We are hoping to move soon so that will be a new joint mortgage.
Getting married probably costs about the same as adding me to the deeds so we'll do one or the other.
I have personal reasons for not being keen on marriage, he is not bothered either. We are just keen to protect our DD in the event of our deaths at the moment. I am aware of my somewhat precarious position should he undergo a personality transplant and chuck us out, and I won't be leaving it to chance long-term, but things are good between us now so what ifs? are concentrated on tragedy rather than adultery.

OP posts:
Maelstrom · 04/02/2011 03:37

Yes, I can add to that that tragedy not just happens to other people. My story, big nice house with flowers, business worth far more than the house, huge difference in pensions, perfect husband (so I was often told).

Bad things shouldn't happen but they do. DS and I don't have where to go at the moment, I can only afford a house that needs a lot of repairs (that I can't afford) in the worst area of the city, DS is ill, funny that just a couple of years ago he was in private school, now? free school lunches? His dad doesn't give a sh*t about him nowadays, he doesn't even see him yet he was the best of fathers in the first years of his life.

Adding you to the mortgage should cost less than £500, worth the money, IMO.

Original poster
philbertstreetfox · 04/02/2011 16:27

£500? Blimey. Marriage it is then!

I'm sorry that things are so tough for you, Maelstrom, I wasn't being flip about your circumstances. Hope your DS's health improves soon.

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