Child proceedings

[lauby]

Hello, I am sure that they are people out there that maybe able to help.

The situation is this. I have residence of my son and have done since last year, the courts have aranged for contacts between him and his father every 3 wks..with telephone contact during the time that. This is a Court Order.

When ever I call to speak with him, I can either not get through as his phone is off, or the ex refuses for me to speak to him. He is also susspose to contact me prior to returning him to me which is part of the court order although he never does.

On this occassion he sent me a text to say due to illness, he was unable to travel, i texted and emailed him back to find out who was ill and when he planned to return my son home, as he was due back that day. We live 200mlies apart, also got in touch with my solicitor and explained the situation. I was advised to call the police, which I did. Alhtough it would seem that they do not have the authority or are unprepared to make him be returned to me.

The ex has eventually been in touch with the soliciotr and says that he will not be returning him today and he will see how he is tomorrow.

How long can he keep this up for? How much power do court orders have, what if he is ill for ages?

Has anyone experienced this before?

Sounds like a crock of poo. Might be a bit drastic, but for the extra time he's had, why don't you shave that off the astart of the next contact?

One thing though - is it in the court order that you speak to your son whilst he's with dad? If not, I think he's entitled not to field your calls. The time he has with your son should be exclusive to him.

If he doesn't return him tomorrow, go to court and apply for an order that he returns your son, with a penal notice attached. The judge would give you that. If he's not well enough to return him, how on earth is he looking after him?

How old is your ds?

And have you managed to ascertain if it is your son or your ex who is ill yet?
Is there anyone else that can collect him for you? Are you able to travel to get your ds?
He is breaking t he court order. However if he or your ds is too ill to travel (and it is a considerable distance) then a court might deem it unreasonable to firce him to return your ds while either/both of them is ill. So you may have to make alternative arrangements to collect your ds if it is your ex who is ill...

The police may not be able to be involved, but given the distance involved here I think it reasonable for them to check that your ds is ok. AGain depending on his age they may be able to speak to him to find out what is going on too.

On the other hand your ex may be buying time by saying he's ill (whichever of them he is) and may be in the process of abducing your ds. Not wishing to alarm you but do you think that is even a possibility? If so then you need to seek assurance as quickly as possible that your ds is actually where you think he is (ie at your ex's house)

He is playing games, well I think its been established who is ill, he told solicitor it is he himself who is ill, so ill he has to get a Dr to come to the home, when I asked about the Dr,s note he changed his tune and after several hrs has now informed me that he will be returning him to me.

Regarding the phone calls. He is only little and the phone calls were something that he suggested and yes are included in the Court Order.

I worry terribly as my child's behaviour is really extreme following a return from the contact from his father.

regarding the abduction thing, yes it is always in the back of my mind he has previously made threats to take him away abroad, but am hoping this is not something I don't have to worry about at the moment as I have his passport with me.

Well he was finally returned to me today, no hand over or communication was given at all. So I know that he had not been abducted.

I found my child with a 2.5 inch burn on his back whilst bathing him this evening. When I asked my child about this is told me he fell off a chair, unlikely story.

Perhaps now something has happened I will be able to take this matter taken further. I will be getting clarification from medical professionals as well as other services. I am hoping that this will be enough grounds to suspend or certainly put a hault on contact.

When I questionned my child again he told me that a sauce pan from the kitchen fell on him and that he cried. When I asked my child why he told me he fell off a chair he replied" because dad told me to say that".

My ex is allowed to make demands on me and tell me that I am being unreasnable by getting the police to go round there when he is behaving in this way and not giving me any of the assurrances that I need. It was/could have been an accident but who is to know. Perhaps this is why he had not been returned to me on the agreed date.

I will get to the bottom of this.

Now I know that the lack of communication is causing serious problems on his part as I don't even know what has happened to him. Naturally I have contacted my solicitor about this, Perhaps this case will be investigated throughly once and for all now. Maybe now I will be listened to and heard this time.

Wish me luck, and if anyone who is experiencing simular problems would like to message me for either support advice or exchange stories etc. Please feel free to do so.

Thanks for your responses and ideas, they have been very helpful.

Make sure you take photos of the burn and go and check it with your doctor. Your sol need sto be asking how this happened, what precautions have been taken to ensure it doesn't again, whether medical assistance was sought, and why your ds was told to tie to you and was with-held from speaking to you and being returned in time.

I would guess that as why he was late returning as he was hoping the evidence would have vanished. And also not allowing you to talk to ds so he couldn't tell you about it before dad had convinced him not too. He's never going to admit that though and say that your ds is mistaken about what he said to tell him.

Poor lad, how awful to be told to lie by your parent to the other!

You are justified in suspending contact, but you must apply back to court as soon as possible to vary the order. You will thereby be seeking the court's approval, which is better for you than him applying to enforce the order.

Thanks, Yes I have another appointment with my solicitor today and am waiting tyo get an appointment with the GP. Yes I know its horrible that he is been made to lie his mother by his father.

I have taken photos too. Yes I do not want to have this worry every time he has contact with his father.

Good Luck lauby. I hope that ds is Ok. I have similar probs. Found out that dd aged 2 today fell off a pony last week at a local stables - no mention of it by exH who also tells children to lie to me & will deny it ever happened. I have found by being consistent that the little ones are more settled at home and are more willing to talk about things that happen when they are out with their dad. The 6yo is more of a worry as there is huge pressure on him to lie to me, but lots of cuddles seem to make it easier :)
I have a prohibited steps order in place which seems to keep exH in check.