What happens to my children if I die?

[leothecentipede]

I'm in Scotland, I have 2 children.
They both have different fathers. The oldest son (7) has a great relationship with his father. His Dad lives in a different country, so he goes to stay with him during school holidays.
My youngest (2) has no contact with his father. There have been attempts in the past but he failed to show up on numerous occasions, so unfortunately there is nothing just now.

I have lived with my partner for over a year now. He is very close to both my boys and supports us as a family. Although I would never 'replace' the youngest's father, and the door will always be open for biological father, my 2 year old probably views my DP as a Dad.

If I die, would my boys be separated and go to their natural fathers?
It would mean they would be in different countries and one would be with a Dad he doesn't even know.
Or can I somehow state that I would want DP to keep boys together and continue contact with their fathers as it is now (but hopefully more for youngest)
Apologies if this doesn't make much sense, it's hard to sum up a family situation in a short message.

i am not sure... but i think your dp would have to adopt them to be able to keep them? that would also give him parental responsibility?

i am not sure that they would automatically go to their fathers though, esp if one of them has had no interest in his son's life so far... wouldn't they go to your parents perhaps?

You need to make a will, expressing your wishes. If you want them to stay together then you say so in the will, and nominate a guardian. If your wishes are clear and sensible, it's highly unlikely they would be overturned -especially in terms of not separating them.

Also, unmatched partners are not covered by intestacy rules, so you will need a will if you want DP to inherit, or to be the executor.

"unmatched"! Damned predictive keyboard - unmarried!

You could appoint your dp as legal guardian but if your dc fathers have parental responsibility that would over ride guardianship anyway. It would however give him the authority to stay looking after them in the short term and particularly with the younger one continue to do so unless his dad got parental responsibility and pursued having residency of him.

Your dp could of course involve social services.

I think, I'm just a mum not anyone legally trained!

I would think you and your boyfriend would have to go out of your way for him to have any form of custody. I do not think that living with someone outside of marriage (or even within marriage-although I suspect that this may help as it would indicate planning and stability and be an express wish that you wished to be together for life as opposed to just living together which means nothing) would give an automatic right to adopt another man's child.
I don't think it works that way.

Your partner, even if you two were to marry, would have no rights of access to your children from previous relationships. The only way for him to have that would be to legally adopt them - & I don't know whether their biological fathers would have to agree to that or not?

Hi - this site has a lot of useful stuff about this kind of issue. www.stepfamilyscotland.org.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/parental_responsibilities_rights.pdf - its specific to Scotland, where the law is often different from England.

It looks like the simplest thing would be to write a will appointing your partner as legal guardian to both the boys in the event of your death. This leaves your older boy's father still as legally his dad, which I think is the best thing since they have a good relationship, but gives your partner full responsibility as his guardian till he is 18.

You can ask your partner to continue with contact (or try to improve it), to make it clear that's your wishes.

You'll need to see a lawyer to get it drawn up properly, and you can deal with the money side of the will at the same time, to make sure anything you have to leave goes to DP and/or your sons.

I have held back from posting here as the law in Scotland can be so different to England and Wales. Try and speak to a solicitor. Get someone who'll give you the first half hour free. If it concerned English law I could deal with this for you over the phone in 5 minutes.