Can I get my money back?

[ddrmum]

Hello!! A few years back I remortgaged my house & lent my soon to be ex a substantial amount of money to clear his debts (£30K). An additional (£40k) was included in this remortgage to do an extension. This build never happened, we moved and he borrowed the money from me in two lump sums of £20k. Although I have a paper trail demonstrating this, there is no formal agreement . Now he tells me that 'he earned it by putting up with me'. He has never paid a penny back and even sent his parents to Barbados with my money - he gambled the majority on the stockmarket, some paid for the wedding. I understand that I won't get it all back, but is it worth a try? I have a large mortgage and 3 children to support!!

I don't know about the legalities, but on the principle of 'if you don't ask, you don't get' I would. However, I would do it in a completely formal way, following the advice of others who will post later.

If he is your soon to be ex husband these loans should be taken into account in the division of assets as part of the divorce.

I'd certainly try and pursue a claim for the debt through the courts. If you have a paper trail showing that you lent him the money, as well as any evidence supporting your view that it was a loan, not a gift (e.g. quotes for extension, any emails between you about the money, anything from mortgage company (were phone calls recorded for data monitoring?).

Essentially, you need to determine if, on the facts, it would appear to a court that the money was a loan, rather than a gift (which is what he'll argue). He could argue that you were happy to give him the money whilst you were together, but that now you're breaking up you've changed your mind and decided they were loans.

Could you give us a bit more information?

Hi RockinSockBunnies, I plan to include this in the financial stuff for the divorce and with luck it will be viewed that he's had his slice of the pie - so to speak. I have asked him for the money on numerous occasions since it was lent and he's always avoided it. I know it sounds lame, but 3 children in quick succession and a full time job plus being constantly undermined and physically/emotionally exhausted meant that time just dragged on:(. The money was borrowed against a house I owned prior to meeting him and there is also the marital home which he hasn't paid his half of since May 2010. He has registered his interest in my house with the land registry - he has never lived there, paid for the house nor has it ever been the family home so I think he's got a cheek! I got him a permanent job and he was offered a company pensions on a number of occasions which he declined as didn't want to pay for it. I have a pension and had done so for many years prior to meeting him. Sadly, I have the assets and he is a free loader with the full backing of his family, who incidentally also back his DV - nice! I'm not sure if there are still quotes for the extension - quite possible as I was quite good at keeping stuff. It will be such a relief to be rid of such a parasite.

Well, I don't have any experience of family or divorce law (am a City lawyer), but hopefully so long as you can show as much evidence as possible, then the judge should listen to you.

Do you have a court date?

How did your soon-to-be-ex register an interest in the house? What kind of interest was registered with the Land Registry? Do you have the paperwork?

He has registered his interest under the Family Law Act 1996 in July. I have applied to the Land Registry for further info as his solicitor refuses to supply it. I was only made aware when I received a letter from the Land Registry! I am also making inquiries as to how to get his interest removed - he's got a nerve! I don't yet have a court date wrt the financials and Form E's have yet to be exchanged - still haven't done mine as I'm about to sell my shares to pay for my legals - so much for providing for the children eh? I have bundles of statements which show that he has only ever provided his 50% of mortgage/utilities until May & had not contributed to food or the childrens requirements (nursery, school. clothing etc) for over a year. I need to protect whatever I have left to ensure that the childrens needs are met. It's hard to see a way out when dealing with a person who has nothing to lose essentially & is highly money driven - other peoples money!

Go to land registry site and do a search of your deeds. It costs about £4 but you can then find out if he placed a charge on the property or tried to join you on the deed's. Although I cannot see how he would join you on the deeds as an owner without your signature. If he has placed a charge in the property that means he has staked a financial interest, like the mortgage company. Therefore will need to be paid off if you sell the house unless he is removed from the land registry.

My solicitor has applied to the Land registry have his name removed from the deeds as he has never lived there, it has never been the family or marital home and he has never made any financial or other contribution to it. Fingers crossed, it should be quite straightforward.Just waiting for a reply....

ddrmum. I have no solid advice but just the deepest sympathy for what you have been through, and hope that everything turns out well for you and the DCs in the future.

Thanks sneezecakesmum - it's so bloody hard sometimes & I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself this eve. Thank god for MN! All being well it'll be sorted soon & I can get on with my life with the DCs. He had lots of contact granted today, which I didn't really mind, but it's horrible to hear that 'he's going around telling everyone he's going to clean me out as he's not getting the kids'.He really doesn't care about the kids just £££ that he is not entitled to, just hope I won't be forced to give more than I can afford/stomach! Nasty little parasite :(