Should I offer maintenance?

[whenallelsefailsmaketea]

I have recently left my DH and rented a tiny house. He is in our large and comfortable home with the DC (15 17 and 19).

He earns three times what I do. We have no mortgage on our house which is worth about £800,000. My rent is £750 a month.

At the moment all is fair and reasonable and finances still joint. We hope to keep it civilised for the DC sake.

If we separate our finances I can support myself on my salary and let DH and DC stay on in our house till the youngest leaves home when we can sell up and split our assets.

Should I be offering something in maintenance? Or is my contribution of the use of our house enough?

Dh is enjoying the comfort of our family home rent free while I am in a cramped cottage. He can easily afford food and bills. We jointly buy DC clothes and pay for school trips, presents etc.

Anyone got any thoughts on what is fair, legal and reasonable?

The CSA do.

If DH had left you and the DC in the house, he'd be expected to pay towards their upkeep, so I guess you should too, galling as it seems. Unless he's happy with current arrangements?

Whatever you agree now, your ex is entitled to go to the CSA for maintenance at any time. You need to factor that into your calculations.

How often will you be having them over, remember you can deduct something is they're staying a few nights a week.

I'm also wondering if you'll only have to pay 20% for the youngest ?

I think maintenance for DC continues while they're in full-time education; I recall a case of a Scottish teenager suing her absent father for University fees. (Though that was a few years ago and things may have changed. And he could well afford them.)

Thanks folks

At the moment all money is still joint and we do trust each other financially. The debate will start once we separate our finances and we have not had that talk yet. I feel I need to get a handle on what is fair before I make an offer.

Sadly there is only room for one DC at a time in my house unless they sleep on the sofa/floor. They come to tea/supper but go home after (all of 400 yards) except the youngest who sleeps here about once a fortnight.

I could rent a bigger house to make room for them but our budget would groan a bit.

I will look at the CSA calculations.
After 24 years married could I ask for spousal maintenance? I have been a SAHM but worked part time for last 14 years.

If you've been the primary carer why on earth have you moved out?

Go and see a solicitor - I assumed from your first post that you were away from the home a lot.

You absolutely, catagorically, need to see a solicitor.

Thanks Laurie

I understood from all I have read that our assets will be split 50:50 including pensions and property. DH accepts that too. Our youngest will only be at home another 3 years before University and I am prepared to wait that long for my "share". After that we would intend to sell up and buy two houses of equal size, or DH could buy me out of the big house.

In financial terms what difference would it make who moves out? DH refused to leave and I was desperate. He is doing a great job running the house and looking after the DC and all credit to him for that.

While you are liable for maintenance of your children, you could also insist on an immediate split of your joint assets. This would give you £400,000 to buy a decent home that would allow the children to spend time with you and to give you a decent standard of living.

This situation is not ok. It is not fair, whatever the circumstances of the breakup. See a solicitor and get a fairer deal. You may feel guilty for breaking up the marriage but this is going too far and you have the long term to think of too.

I don't think she can demand such a split right away; the DC have the right to live in the house till they're adults.

I don't think it matters why she left, DD. From her posts she says she was desperate so she left. Perhaps to keep her sanity.

OP, I agree that you need to see a solicitor asap

I would suggest using a mediation service to come up with a fair split of assets and agreement on maintenance for your kids. The problem with using a solicitor is that is can get very confrontational. It is far better to discuss it face to face with someone to guide you, i.e. a mediator.

That was the prod I needed. Appointment booked with friendly family lawyer for friday!
Thanks folks.