Just had first solicitors letter from exP

[bettiboo]

I'm looking for advice. exP now has solicitor re contact. He wants DS once at the weekend 10-4pm and one overnight stay a month. Very sad given he's gone from 6 years of having him every weekend (rotating Fri's and Sat's so that he gets some time for socialising). He's met someone and they've moved in together, clearly his priorities have changed, it's very very sad for DS, but I'm sure we'll get used to it. He has also instructed that I drop DS off and pick him up on every occasion - W T F!!! He only lives a 10 minute drive away but why the F* would I drop him off and pick him up! That enrages me. Anyway, I don't have the money for a solicitor and don't qualify for legal aid - do I have any other options?

That's useful to know. I'm hoping I'll get money eventually and regularly.

Hiring a solicitor to get LESS contact? What a prince this guy is.

I'd be more worried that it is the sudden rejection by his Dad that has caused your DS's behavioural problems, and I'd be calling him on it.

If there had been a court order for contact in place and your ex wished to change it, he'd have to come up with a damn good reason - and one that was in DS's best interest, not his own. I think you should be asking what that reason is and pointing out that the current (previous) arrangements work (for DS)

Tanga, you're right. Asking questions are out of the question - we don't manage conversations very well, it's like I'm speaking a different language. I'm accepting he wants to spend less time with his son and that's it. I'll have a chat with my DS about things. I'm not sure how to relay his dad wants to spend less time with him without him feeling rejected. I'll have to handle it very sensitively.

Tanga, they need to come with very good reasons if they want to change a contact order to increase the time the child spend with them, and therefore decrease the time the child spends with the resident parent.

But if they want to reduce contact... they just need to say so, any childish reason will do, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. If Bettiboo decided to leave her son at his doorstep and disappear from her son's life (not that she would), there would be nothing he could do to get her to take the child back. :-(

Ps. I will send the letter later today.

I have sent you a message, best of luck :-)

Chandra, your message is appreciated and very valuable. Many many thanks.

Would add- make sure you keep copies of letters you send, and if poss note dates, times, etc of anything that happens i.e him arriving late for contact etc.. If you ever do end up in court, it will back up your case.

Thanks Jellykat, here's hoping it doesn't get to that stage. I'm not going to put too many obstacles in his way. I'll try to be as reasonable as I can be.

The courts will not look kindly on a father who wants less contact, and refuses to pick up the child.

Hi, responded to first letter with the help of chandra. Had second letter Friday. Can you believe despite my offering more contact that was ignored. He still doesn't want to do the transportation, well, he's agreed x 2 drop offs for the month. I need to respond soon. I'm really concerned about giving PR and not really sure what rights this will give him. My DS rang him Saturday but he said he couldn't see him (not sure what the reason was). Poor little soul. Thanks for asking.

Parental responsibility means that he has the right to authorise medical treatment (at the moment he can only do so in emergencies), see your son's medical records and school records. It also gives him the right to a say in your child's name (should you want to change it), education and religious upbringing. If you do not have a residence order it also means you would need his permission to take your son out of the country, even for a holiday. However, if you have a residence order you would be able to take your son out of the UK for up to a month without needing his permission.

If there is a dispute between you on any of these matters and you can't sort it out between you it would have to be resolved by the courts. In general the courts tend to favour the wishes of the parent with care unless they are trying to frustrate contact or acting unreasonably.

As I said previously, if you refuse to give PR to your ex he can ask the court to make an order giving him PR. He will almost certainly get it, so he is likely to end up with PR regardless of your views on the subject.

Thanks prh, do you think I should get a residency order before I give parental responsibility? I can't bear the thought of this man having any more control over me and believe me he would use it as a control mechanism. I absolutely refuse to be stopped from going on holiday by a man who is nothing to do with me and has relatively little to do with this son - that seems insane to me. Do I have to involve him in the residency order process?

It is unlikely he could actually stop you from going on holiday. If he unreasonably withholds his consent to you taking your son out of the country you are not committing an offence if you go anyway, although it would be safer to get the courts to make a ruling. If it is a genuine holiday you should have no problem getting the courts to rule in your favour.

You can't keep him out of the process of getting a residence order. The problem you have is that the courts may not give you a residence order unless there is a dispute over residency. However, you can certainly try.