Ex not spending maintenance money on DD

[LolaSummers]

My partner's ex is not spending the £300 per month that he gives her on their DD.

DD needs new shoes/boots for winter and the ex says that she hasn't got any money to buy them. this has been going on for several months now.

My partner also pays 50% of the school fees, he can ill afford this (borrows to pay for fees) but feels duty bound to do it.

I feel incredibly frustrated about this, the ex is foolish and frivolous with money, (declared herself bankrupt to offload cc debts 2 years ago) and my partner won't stand up to her and sort it out. I pay for all our dd's things as my partner can't afford to.

Where do we stand legally?, appreciate any advice...

You have my sympathies, but I'm sorry to say that you could be in for a hard time on this thread. It doesn't go down well on MN to criticise the PWC's use of maintenance money.

My take on this is that the ex is able to pay 50% of private school fees then she must have money for your SDD's shoes, or have the capacity to make savings elsewhere to afford them. Legally though, I don't know I'm afraid.

My exp moans about what I do with the money because he doesnt understand where it all goes. He gets short shrift with me - do they all want an itemised bill?

I wonder if she uses the £300 towards school fees, in which case she probably doesn't have the money for new shoes etc.

If your dp cannot afford to pay what he is paying then he should apply to the CSA and pay whatever they calculate.

I'm afraid your partner's ex can spend the money however she wants. You have no legal comeback on that unless his daughter's welfare is being endangered.

If neither of them can afford the fees then a re think is on the cards surely?
No way does he have a right to know what the moneyis spent on. It could be going all the fees or on heating and food.
suggest a meeting.

I get this all the time from my exh and his new wife - DDs need new this, that and the other. They also need food on the table and a roof over their heads!

The ex has to pay for:
Accomodation
Gas
Electricity
Water
Council Tax

(proportionately - if the ex was living in a one bed flat it would be less than in family accom.)

Food
School uniform & shoes
Play clothes and shoes
School trips and activities
Pocket money
Holidays
Christmas and Birthday presents
Presents to take to other kids' parties

TBH, £300 isn't a vast amount of money to cover all that, but I agree that if they can't afford school fees (you say he's borrowing to pay them), then she should be taken out of private school.

The parents should perhaps have a discussion about whether or not its sustainable to keep the DD in a fee-paying school (sounds like the answer is No if the PWC is broke and the NRP is going into debt to pay the school fees). Other than that, you don't get an itemised set ofreceipts every month for maintenance. If your DP has the money, why doesn't he just buy his DD some shoes? Adequate ones can be had from Shoe Express or Poundstretcher ie if the child is stuck with sandals or shoes that are too small/falling to bits surely he could manage a fiver or so for a pair of shoes that do fit and don't leak.

How about getting some hand-me-downs instead of new boots so you don't have to pick fight with ex. I managed very successfully to get enough clothes and shoes to last dd a year or two at least by calling the moms of all her friends who are bigger than she is and asking for hand-me-downs. I live in a nice house so everyone assumed that t we have lots of money and hadn't offered on their own, but when I asked, they were thrilled to have the almost new clothes reused. DD is 8 and was thrilled with all the "new" clothes (including a pair of pj bottoms that she mistook for leggings and wore as trousers on the first day of school...Gave her friend whom they had belonged to (and dd) quite a giggle.

Thanks for all your responses, I have suggested ebay or other options, (thats what I do for my dd) but her mother is a snob and won't even consider this. She wants UGG boots and won't consider less, even told dp that he should give her more money to buy them! Meanwhile the child walks around in shoes that really need binning.

Ex lives with her mother so they share the bills and she has a very full social life as she has a permanent babysitter!.

Dp pays her almost double what CSA asked for with maintenance and school fees, so its not as if he is not being generous.

Fact is that Ex is useless with money and doesn't get her priorities right in life, and it seems we have to stand by and let that happen?.

If your dp can't afford the school fees then you need to sort out the private school thing. It is optional I'm afraid.

Is there a court order for child maintenance or school fees? If so they have to paid unless circumstances change and your partner applies to court for a variation or, if the order was made since March 2003 and is at least a year old, he could usually apply to the CSA for assessment. He would then pay 15% of his income minus any deductions for overnight stays and it is entirely up to him whether he wishes to contribute more or not.

I'm not sure why you think the mother isn't spending £300 on their daughter. £300 a month just about covers a child's basic needs (food, clothes, transport, haircuts, school trips, washing, toiletries, stationery etc etc) - and that's before housing, utility costs and one off costs replacing worn out/damaged bedding, equipment, furniture and decorating.

I think if you were together when you decided to put the child into private education then you see it through until a natural stop, 11 or 18.
£300 is not a lot of money believe it or not to bring up a child and he is probably getting off lightly, most men seem to in my experience.