Contact

[feistychickfightingthebull]

Dear All,

I could use some help please. A number of you kindly posted on my thread (have name changed). I am due to go for a conciliation meeting on Tuesday regarding contact so could use some advice please as to what happens. My DS does not want any contact whatsoever now, can this happen and do I need to have another statement highlighting how my son has been affected etc. DS has said that he does not want any contact and if he is forced to have any contact with his father he will refuse. He is due to see Cafcass on the same day. My previous thread is this one father has failed to return DS

Thank you

I followed your earlier thread and hoped that matters had calmed down for you and your son.

My view is that CAFCASS will try to reinstate some form of contact, perhaps not direct. Due to the breakdown of trust, they may suggest a contact centre, but this is the slippery slope back to full contact.

I remain hopeful for you that your son's views will be taken into account in this. CAFCASS have a duty to consider the wishes and feelings of the child.

A lot depends on the age of your son. The older he is the greater weight will be attached to his wishes. If he is over 14 the courts won't force contact against his wishes. If he is over 12 there is a chance that the courts won't force contact. However, if he is younger than that it is likely that some form of contact would be ordered by the courts. As ElsieMc says, given recent events there is a good argument that contact should be supervised.

If contact is ordered, you would be required to make your son available for contact regardless of whether or not he wants to go. If you fail to make him available as ordered the courts can take enforcement action against you. Saying that your son refused would not be a defence I'm afraid.

No one can force your DS to have contact, but effectively the contact order is to you, as resident parent, to make your DS available for contact.

However, what CAFCASS and the court will need to assess is whether your DS is stressed due to potential separation anxiety (from you) as the last time he had contact, he wasn't returned and kept against his will. They will probably suggest contact at a contact center where it will be monitored in order to address your fear that he won't be returned.

But you may want to suggest a cooling off period. Get as much evidence you can about the effect recent events have had on your DS, and perhaps suggest indirect contact such as telephone calls, letters and build up from that? You could suggest a time scale perhaps for a review?

Try and show that you have DS interests and welfare first and foremost...

Thank you all for your replies. DS is 12 and he is adamant that he does not want any contact at all. I have mentioned all the options that are available including contact centre and he has said absolutely not. I am worried for him in a way because I have told him that I will be happy with whatever he chooses as it is his dad but certainly no overnight visits any more. When I mentioned indirect contact he said that he preferred no contact at all but if push came to shove would agree to indirect contact for about two years and then a review.

Ilovemydog, I will use that advice of a cooling off period. I have a letter from the GP which stresses that DS has suffered psychological trauma and has been referred to CAMHS to deal with his issues and that he cannot sleep, is sad etc. I am of the opinion that in light of DS's welfare, no contact at all until he has finished therapy wherein we can then move to indirect contact if he is ready.

I am concerned that if there is any contact at the moment his DF may continue to emotionally control and manipulate him. I would not have been so gung ho about no contact had it not been for his DF playing DS recorded arguments when we were together 13 years ago and telling DS what an awful mother I am and that I was no good. I do not really care what he says about me tbh, but to say this to a child so that he thinks badly about his other parent stinks of emotional abuse to me.

So do I say all this verbally or should I do another written statement with all my concerns? Will a decision be made on the same day or we will have to go back for a full hearing? I feel so bad for my DS as he has to come to court too but CAFCASS have agreed that he not see his father as he was naturally nervous and anxious about seeing him again.

Thank you once again

hopefully CAFCASS will see how your DS feels and wont force the issue . mayeb you can make CAFCASS speak to DS 's psychologist? and ask for no contact til psychlogist advises it ok?

not just contact centre - but ask for psychologist supervised contact?

Thanks cestlavielife, we are still waiting for the first appointment with the psychologist but I shall also put this offer on the table. It's an excellent idea. Thank you

So, CAFCASS have agreed that he doesn't have to have contact? You realize that CAFCASS are the eyes and ears of the court and hardly ever dismiss their recommendations.

Personally, I would do a bundle for court. Keep it simple and have supporting evidence. Perhaps a brief statement about the background at the top as family courts see a lot of people. So, a summary of the episode when your ex didn't return your DS. Then perhaps a chronology of what happened subsequently, including visits to GP. Include letters, referrals and any opinions.

Suggest that professional opinion is sought before contact resumes, and then as indirect until deemed appropriate.

It would be very unlikely that CAFCASS would object to this plan.

ilovemydog - Thank you for your response. I spoke with CAFCASS over the phone as DS was anxious about seeing DF, and the Officer I spoke with said that they usually go with whatever my DS has said as he is now 12. She said she understood that DS was angry and that in the cases she has dealt with where this happens the DC usually request no contact all.

DS has not seen CAFCASS yet but the officer did ask me what DS wanted and also what I thought and I replied that I would support whatever my DS wanted, if he was ready for direct contact at a contact centre then I would support it. As DS is saying no contact then I support that too. DS has said that he will not mind contact via email so I will suggest that too, and take up your advice re professional opinion being sought before contact resumes.

I still have the statement that I used originally, so I will use that again plus another one focussing on the impact on my DS as you have suggested ilovemydog.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond, I shall now not be fumbling in the dark next week