Just wanted to check this.

[alicatte]

I have just come back from a coffee morning where one of the ladies there had just had this happen to her.

Her husband's father re-married 20 plus years ago and became very involved with his new wife's family - to the point where they hardly saw him anymore. Just recently her husband had received a few emails and phone calls about the health of his father - culminating in an investigation for Alzheimers which eventually proved to be negative.

Now he has received a very pompous email from the son of his father's second wife informing him that he cannot expect the aforesaid second wife to look after HIS father.

He is going down to see his father but has also now, out of the blue, been asked to share caring for his father - WHO HASN'T BEEN TO HIS HOUSE FOR 13 YEARS.

Everyone was saying that this was not on - as obviously it is a bit weird. But what is the legal position? Can the second wife force the aged parent on to the son's family. We all thought she couldn't but none of us actually knew.

Does anyone know about these things?

She can't force him to take his father in, but she could "dump him" into the kind of home where your friend's husband might feel he had to do something rather than leave him there. So, not force but emotional blackmail could be applied. His (new) wife is the next of kin, so would normally be the one expected (required?) to make medical and caring decisions.

Thank you AMIS, none of us knew and she was quite upset. She has children doing GCSE's and A levels and no space at all really (We all live in London). We are all meeting up again on Wednesday - I'll tell her.

Horrible situation really.

Thanks again.

Actually I might ring her now.

You might want to point them in the direction of Age UK (Age Concern) for advice/info on the legal position.

Thanks again

I've just spoken to my friend. She was in tears. A whole load more came tumbling out - can you imagine a grandfather saying he had 'never warmed to' his grandson? And to his grandson's mother!

Seems like there have been a lot more little unkindnesses from grandfather and the step-grandmother than she said. But she is very private and so nice (she used to run the toy library years ago, and got involved with loads of charities, helping at school) Poor thing.

Thanks for the link

Actually the term "next of kin" is rather a meaningless expression.

The NHS apparently doesnt define "next of kin"

I wonder if the step son is acting on his own initiative out of concern for his own mother, Or if the wife has told her son to send the E-mail.

It would make a big difference.