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Original poster

served with divorce papers

12 replies

ohnoooo · 13/10/2010 12:07

I've just this morning received divorce papers stating my husband wishes to divorce me on ground of unreasonable behavior.
i really don't agree. I've been signed off work with depression and anx due to his behavior and since i left and I was on medication during the relationship - which I've now been off for several weeks. - he blames me having depression as the reasons for unreasonable behavior.

But the truth is he was a drug user, he had another child to a woman he had an affair with (i looked after this child bought loads of clothes toys and day to day essentials) when i went to stay with family to clear my head after a very aggressive evening with him he'd changed the locks to the house we owned and gave me one chance to collect as many of mine and my son's belongings as i could (which i didn't get much)he then moved the woman he'd been having the affair with into our property - he's a very cruel and controlling man - can i contest the divorce? with a lot of help from doctors councilors family and friends I'm becoming me again - he's messed with my head so much I've lost my job now but my confidence is coming back and i don't want to let him have this final laugh at me by having the divorce as my fault?

OP posts:
nocake · 13/10/2010 12:59

Yes, you can contest it but it's very rare because the reason for a divorce is irrelevant when it comes to anything else (finances, childcare etc). It will involve additional paperwork and a court hearing. Alternatively you could persuade your husband to withdraw his petition and then you can submit your own. I think it is likely that a solicitor would advise him to do this if the alternative is for you to contest it.

prh47bridge · 13/10/2010 13:00

As it should say on the papers, you have 8 days to acknowledge service and 29 days to file an answer or file a cross petition. However, if you do contest the divorce it is likely to end up costing both you and your husband a significant amount of money. The financial settlement is not affected by who is allegedly at fault, so there isn't a whole lot to gain. You can try talking to your husband and see if he will agree to withdrawing his petition and allowing you to divorce him instead. If he refuses, my advice would be to let it go.

Original poster
ohnoooo · 13/10/2010 13:46

he wouldn't listen - he's not that kind of man- he's right I'm wrong ect i just don't want to regret in years to come that i let him blame me for his infidelity, i really don't want my son to grow up thinking it was my fault and I'm as close to a section as his dad makes out.

it's not about money just about not letting him have control over my divorce as much as he had my life.

Thanks for your reply's x

OP posts:
PurpleKate · 13/10/2010 15:09

I know you are not feeling great at the moment, but a divorce is a divorce is a divorce. If you want a divorce, just sign the papers and get it over and done with. If you don't want a divorce then don't sign and make him work for it. Or if you really want to waste your money, then counter sue.

You'd be better off putting your energy to get a decent settlement.

I divorced my first husband because he wouldn't divorce me, despite having grounds. My son has never asked what the grounds for the divorce were. Anyway long term it doesn't matter who divorced who and why, what matters is that an unhappy marriage is ended.

prh47bridge · 13/10/2010 15:24

Your son will form his own views, regardless of what the divorce papers say. I understand you don't want your ex to have control but the end result of trying to change that is likely to be that you and your ex end up a lot poorer. That isn't good for you or your son. And you still may not get it changed - the court may still decide to go with his version of events.

I agree with PurpleKate. This may feel important but it really isn't. The important thing is to get a decent settlement. Concentrate on that.

cestlavielife · 13/10/2010 16:20

but you want a divorce right? so it doesnt really matter...

what will count is what financial settlemetn you agree and issues on contact/residency of children. save your battles/money for that.

LucindaCarlisle · 13/10/2010 16:53

Suggest going to mediation.

Original poster
ohnoooo · 14/10/2010 09:37

very true, thanks guy's - tried mediation, didn't work.

OP posts:
babybarrister · 14/10/2010 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ohnoooo · 15/10/2010 19:04

he's said my depression was the unreasonable behavior.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 15/10/2010 19:58

Jesus, I'd say depression was actually very reasonable if you were married to a twat like that.

babybarrister · 16/10/2010 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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