So after finally getting the courage to ring womans aid the lady gave me some great advice. Including that I may want to go to social services etc.
I just wanted to ask, for those who have been through emotional / psychological abuse, or know anything about the legal aspect, how far should I take it?
A bit about my situation, I've posted a bit already on here before under same name and have posted this in relationships too, wasnt quite sure where to put it.
I split up with XP end of August, (split up and got back together once before). We have a 15month old son and I am pregnant with a second. We have never lived together. He comes here for contact at the moment but I am looking into contact centres. He has a son (8yo) by another woman who lives with him 3ish days a week.
Firstly he smokes weed every day, in his flat. Hence I dont want our son going there at all for contact. When his other son is there he will go out on the balcony to smoke, but if he is outside or asleep I know he will smoke it in his bedroom.
The emotional abuse to me has always been very subtle. Not all out threats of harm but things like this latest text, 'You put DS1 to sleep becuase I came with his brother (his son); as usual you prefer me not to bring him. If there is such a thing as karma you'll experience this one day'
I didnt put DS1 to bed, he fell asleep at his nap time, they were meant to be coming at 11am he turned up at 12.23pm. I have no problem with his son coming to see DS1 either, but in XP head I am abusive to him. (not at all)
XP really believes these things which does concern me about his mental state with the weed smoking aswell. Before this last incident he has been on the phone with me saying he was going to record me as he didnt know what I was going to say to his son,. I told him no way and that I wasnt comfortable with him coming now,. He came over anyway, even after i had phoned them to say DS1 had fallen asleep already. He text me later that day to say he had never mentioned recording me, (gaslighting).
Also, he has told his 8yo in front of me that I am crazy, (and meaning it) also told him his mum is lying, (about ridiculous things that could and probably were genuine). He is in court with his 8yo's mum as he is saying her parents sexually abused their son years ago. (I dont believe this now knowing what he is like. He really has no eveidence). Plus a lot of text to me are about how I am emotionally abusive etc and I want to make sure I have proof etc that it is not me but him. He's really manipulative.
Anyway, incidents like this happen about every 2 weeks at the moment. The rest of the time he is fine. Its basically when I stand up for myself he feels out of control and then comes the abuse. (I never stood up for myself much in the relationship, just put up with it really)
Sorry its so long, but what I'm asking is, how far would you take it? I recognise that I do feel sorry for him. If I contacted social services about the weed being a concern then it may affect his relationship with his other son too. Also he would find out about it and I would be scared what he would do / say.
Also, as he's not bad all the time, I just feel, am I going a bit far by going to my doctors about the abuse so its on record. Or also, I want to speak to legal advice so I can get a record of all the text / incidents etc. But do I go as far as to take out a non-molestation order. Do I go as far as to say only supervised contact? Do I report to SS? I know this is probably a common thing, but its not like he is really violent etc. Plus he can be nice, and if I go all the way, (if I even can legally etc) am I ruining his life for nothing? I just dont want his twists to be believed if we ever go to court.
Sorry if I've waffled!