Custody in the event of our deaths - does this require a will?

[DialMforMother]

We have decided who dd would live with if we died and drafted a letter which explains this and sets out our reasoning and second choice as well as some important people who we would like to remain in her life. Is it enough to lodge copies of this letter with some significant people or should it be lodged with a solicitor or is there something further we should do? We have bypassed one set of grandparents and all relatives for a friend in our second choice which could potentially be contentious.

Thanks to anyone who can help with this query. :)

I'm in the process of sorting this out, so would be very interested as well.

I always thought it was in the will (it was in the case of anything happening to my parents) but if that's changed i'd be very interested to know.

thanks

The reason that your will is one obvious place for this is that your will sets out the financial provision that you've decided on for your children.

But if minors are orphaned, then your wishes alone will not determine what happens. Social Services and ultimately the Family Court have to be satisfied that the arrangements are in the children's best interest.

Ladymuck, really?

(sorry OP if I'm hijacking, hopefully I'm asking questions you're interested in too?)

We would like DP's Sister and her husband to have custody of DS should the worst happen to us, but I know my parents will likely contest this (hopefully we'll get around to speaking to them about it first) but could SS/family court really decide that DS could live somewhere else, despite the explicit wishes of the parents?

Well, in the event of your death, the wellbeing of your children is paramount, and SS will look to place your children with whoever is best able to ensure their wellbeing.

Provided you've chosen guardians who are local, involved in ds's life and can show that they are able and willing to look after ds, then it will be down to family to contest. Grandparents won't always win as they are older, and may not be as closely involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Thanks Ladymuck. The only things out of favour with SIL is that they're not local, but in every other respect they're more than capable/willing.

I'll stop hijacking now, thanks for this thread OP

Thanks for the responses. In our case noone is really local. Should our letter say why we don't think her paternal grandparents are best? It's all a little bit nebulous though stemming from a lack of shared values FIL being emotionally completely absent and MIL having the empathetic range of a gerbil. Maternal grandparents are first choice but are very old.