Where do I stand legally regarding access.

[WaftyCrank]

Split up with exH last year and he has always taken the DC out on a saturday.

When we first split up he moved 30 miles away to be with OW and came to see them on the bus.

I met someone this year and we decided to move meaning that exH is now 45 miles away.

He has asked me to get the bus with them on a saturday to where we used to live meaning I would need to be on the bus at 9, wait in a town with nothing to do and nowhere to go all day and get the bus back after 5 meaning the DC wouldn't be home until after 6 having had no tea yet and they go to bed at 7.

The DC are only 3 and 1 and I'm also 15 weeks pregnant so I said no and now he's getting angry with me saying it's all my fault for moving.

The only reason he won't travel to where we now live is because his bus pass doesn't allow him to travel this far and he won't pay the extra. There is also a train service that is quicker but again he won't pay. He can drive and has a car but won't drive it.

So if I refuse to do this and he was to take me to court where would I stand? I am in no way stopping he from seeing them, he could see them every day if he wanted but he doesn't want to. I just don't want to spend 3 hours a day on the bus with them and then with a newborn after March.

TIA

I'm getting that his major frustration is the extra cost of the bus fair?

If you take the children to where you used to live will it cost you on the bus?

If this is the issue could you compromise and offer to pay the extra bus fair if he comes to where you are?

I don't know if you get free legal aid but going to court is so horrible and once you're in the system with very young children I believe access agreements are only for 12 months so as soon as you get through one round of court you're preparing for the next.

With a newborn the quiet day to have with just DC3 will no doubt benefit you if you can find the money.

You really need to try and sort this out without going to court. The courts are always a bit of a lottery and can rapidly eat into your finances as well as damaging your relationship with your ex. Keeping things as friendly as possible will be good for your children.

Regarding your question, you have moved and this has caused him extra costs when his children see him. It is not unreasonable for him to expect you to meet those costs in some way, either by taking the children to where you used to live or by paying the additional bus fare. There is no guarantee but this is likely to be how a court would look at it.

I disagree. I think a court would say it was his job to organise and pay for his own travel. It is ridiculous that he abandoned his family, moved 30 miles away and is now in a strop about a few pennies. He even has a car! Why on earth won't he drive? I sounds to me as though he is trying to control you. Do you think this is about your meeting someone new, having a baby and generally moving on?

I don't mind paying for him to see them as yes it was our choice to move however I don't think it's fair for him to expect them to be out that late and then with a newborn.

He says it's only until he has somewhere to live where they can stay over but I've no idea how long that would be.

I've asked him to compromise in that I would take them one week then he would have them here another week but he's no replied.

Thanks for your replies though. I really don't want it to go to court just wondered where I would stand if he did take legal action.

The Court would be concerned about the children's right to see their father and could well order that you meet 1/2 way so you could end up travelling. Best try to sort this out amicably.

ColdComfortFarm - You don't know that he abandoned his family. The OP gives no indication as to who left. In any case, that is irrelevant when considering who pays travel costs for contact.

As far as the courts are concerned this is about the right of the children to see their father, not his right to see them.

The basic principle is that if one parent moves away they are expected to pay the costs of contact. In this case he moved 30 miles. He is paying the costs caused by that move and is willing to continue doing so. However, the OP has now moved 15 miles, increasing the costs even further. It is therefore reasonable for her to meet the costs associated with those 15 miles or, alternatively, to meet him half way. He is not asking the OP to meet the costs associated with his original 30 mile move. If he was he would be being unreasonable.

Hi,

My understanding is that its his repsonsibility as he can claim a reduction in his child maintenance for travel costs.

I would expect him to meet his own costs but if I did offer anything as a contribution it would be half the cheapest mode of travel - which would probably be whatever 15 miles costs in his car. About 15 x 13p ... £2?

Compromise I think. Can you go every other weekend but that he needs to come to you the other weekend.

Halfa - Yes he can claim a reduction in his child maintenance if he is paying through the CSA. The effect of that is to reduce the amount the parent with care receives, so it is actually the parent with care who pays. The principle is that the parent who moves away meets the additional costs of contact.

Missedith01 - There are two return journeys involved in collecting and delivering the childre, so we are talking about 15 x 2 x 2 x 13p = £7.80 even if we accept your figure of 13p per mile. HMRC use a figure of at least 25p per mile for a car, which would work out at £15.

Well I have spoken to him today and we have agreed to do as Tefal said, I will go to him a few weeks and he will come to me every so often.

He has said though it's only until November as he is planning on getting his own place then so can have them to stay over at the weekend and will have them every fortnight so we have settled at that for now.

Thanks for all the replies.