Child Contact

[freedomfrom]

Hi I posted a thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents/1024696-Can-he-take-him-overnight

which I probably put in the wrong area, but not sure how to change it. Just wanted some advice on whether my XP who smokes weed (everyday) and is also emotionally abusive, (been getting lots of stupid text lately) would be allowed to take our DS (14 months) overnight?
Would it go to a child contact centre becuase of the substance abuse or would they deem him fit to look after a child?

What would I need to do?
Can I also stop him coming into my house if he turns up 3 hours late for a visit?

Advice please would be great.

p.s. he is always at least 2 hours late for visits. I can document this, but should I documnet the stuff he says to me? (abuse). How do I prove any of it?

Thanks

We need more details. How long have you been separated, is the house in your name only or is it rented and were you married? What arrangements for contact are in place? Why do you feel overnights would be a problem when there is contact during the day? What effects does the abuse have on the child?

If you were married and there is no financial settlement your ex would have the same rights to occupy the property as you do, although as he has moved out those rights need to be balanced against your rights to privacy and a family life.

You may well have grounds to ask the court to grant a non molestation order to prevent the abuse and him coming to your house. Strictly speaking only when there is a court order must you make a child available for contact and either party can apply to court to regulate contact, but it can be very disruptive not allowing any contact and forcing the matter through the courts.

As long as it is safe your child has right to know and see his father warts and all. If there is a risk of harm a contact centre and/or monitoring drug abuse are options. My suggestion would be to make an appointment with a family solicitor to find out where you stand given your particular circumstances and see if there is any hope of negotiating arrangements in the first instance.

Sorry yes, we were never married, he never lived here. I've been living as single. He would 'pop in' twice a week or so. At the moment the arrangements are he comes round once or twice a week for an hour (or less) to play with DS. I am still in the house. He continually breaks arangements.

Been seperated about 2 weeks. Although we split up at the beginning of the year, we got back together at the end of May. (I gave him a second chance).
My flat is rented.
I dont want DS going to his flat as he smokes weed there and there is weed kept there. Its stinks of it, he has been smoking in there for years. DS has never been to his flat, he acutally lives about 45-1hr away.

My DS is only 14 months, so so far, no direct abuse to DS. Becuase I have seen what he has said in front of his other DS (8yo by another woman) this is why I am concerned about him saying things to my DS when he is older. I also think because of the control if he takes ds OUT on his own, he probably wont listen to me in terms of 'how long' I want him gone. DS has never been away from me for more than an hour as yet, and XP really hasnt had very much involvement in his upbringing.
I am also pregnant with DC2.
Thanks yes am looking to phone one of the free advice lines on Monday, although not sure how much they can tell me.

If you have only been separated for two weeks things will be very raw and chaotic. Going through an impartial third party (a solicitor) can help set some physical and emotional barriers. A solicitor can also assist in establishing some ground rules.

What you need to remember is that there are potentially many years of parenting together and in the long term good contact for children relies on parents working together, or at least not against each other. After an initial period of chaos contact does tend to settle.

If a solicitor writes on your behalf perhaps your husband will agree to voluntary drugs testing and contact at a contact centre. As long as it is safe though you will need to think about compromise and gradually extending contact to a few hours, half days, full days then overnights,full weekends and holidays.

I'm happy to compromise and gradually extend contact, and if he stops the drugs and keeping it in his flat etc then I'm happy for contact to take place there.
I'm just worried about DS being at his house so long as he's smoking that stuff, and I guess the emotional abuse is a seperate issue I'd have to deal with. I guess unless its towards the child the courts dont take it seriously?

Do the courts class someone who is a cronic weed user to be safe? What I mean is if he doenst stop the weed, but agrees to drugs testing say, would they let him take him overnight, even though he is still smoking and in possesion?

Thanks for all your help.