Is it do-able to finalise a divorce before making a financial settlement?

[hairytriangle]

I left home (house is in my name and owned by me) over a year ago, ex has been slow in progressing the divorce, but is still living at the house, for which I'm still paying the bills (long story).

Is it possible to legally divorce, and work out the finances later? i will have to make him a financial settlement (but not before he moves out) and I'm happy to do so, as he can't afford to buy me out of house.

I dont' want to hear 'you really shouldn't be ' and 'you've got to make him leave' .. I know all that and I am choosing to keep things as they are as he has a difficult mental health condition and i cannot bear to see him homelesss.

So: can we legally divorce, leave things as they are for a bit, and work out the finances later?

Incidentally: Decree Nici has been granted, about six weeks ago.

Yes, its possible but not advisable for a number of reasons but of course you don't want to hear that. All I would say is that if you saw any decent family lawyer (and there are a lot on MN) they would tell you not to apply for DA until finances sorted.

There are no children involved, does that make a difference?

Sorry. I should have sais that every time people in RL tell me I should be making him move out, it reduces me to tears, so I meant that I didn't want anyone to do it on here, because I don't want to get upset.

What are the practical (not emotional!) consequences of not settling financially before the divorce is through?

Sorry that this is upsetting for you. I can understand how you feel having people telling you the same thing.
One practical consequence is that if you are divorced and he drops dead, you won't automatically benefit. In particular, if he has a significant pension. If you are still married and he were to die you would potentially get a widows pension and a death in service lump sum. If you were divorced then it would not be as simple and in some cases the trustees of the pension fund may have to get involved and make a decision.

That is just one example and I'm sure someone else will be along to point out more.

I'm sorry you are in this extremely difficult situation and hope that you manage to resolve it.

He has nothing - no pension, no job, no nothing.

I own the house and it's in my name, I own (outright) 90% of the house - I've always paid the mortgage - the rest is owed on mortgage, which I've continued to pay and is in my sole name.

I still pay elec and gas bills, satellite tv, council tax, etc etc.

There would be no settlement of any kind due to me and I wouldn't push for anything, and he has nothing to 'leave' me should anythng happen to him.

so I guess my question is, does it change his rights to stay.

I've been told that I can evict him any time (prior to him registering an interest on the land registry).

I am not strong enough to evict him, and so far, I can cope with the situation as it is for a while.

(please don't flame me for being a walkover. This is a man I loved very much once, has some very difficult issues, and I still care what happens to him, which is why I haven't pushed it).

Does this info change your viewpoint on whether it makes a jot of difference if I just divorce him now and deal with finances later?

what I mean is, does finalising the divorce change his rights to stay?

PS: thank you!

the short answer is yes.

I divorced ex-H and the financial stuff is all verbal. That is we sold the house, split the profit, and agreed what maintenance and access etc would be.

That has never been put in writing.

So we finalised he divorce and are now both remarried to new partners but still have no financial agreement in writing. TO be honest, I couldn't care less. He has nothing so I am grateful for the maintenance every month. I have no rights to his pension etc and to be honest, it really doesnt bother me.

could I divorce but only if he signs to say he will accept a further say, 12 months in the house, with three months notice to quit after nine months, and a settlement of £xxx one month after he's vacated the property, and left it in the same state I left it in when I moved out (ie: no significant damage)

I have offered a generous settlement instead of needing to go through every little item - my solicitor says it's way above what he could expect from such a short marriage.

"why can't you finalise the finances giving him nothing in a court approved consent order but then allowing him to stay?"

You mean I let him stay forever, and continue to pay the bills he racks up, but never get anything out of the equity I have in my house, until he goes or dies?

He'd never go for a settlement of 'nothing' - no way.

Hang on a minute you have a decree nisi but have yet to sort out his exit from the house

Look I don't know what's wrong with him but six weeks and one day after the decree nisi you can apply for the decree absolute.

If he has no stake in the house and you have no assets he has possession of other than the house, you just need an eviction order.

And stop worrying about him - he is not your problem anymore. You left remember? And divorced him?

I do sympathise btw - I left my ex-dh who frankly was a bit of a waste of space and basically gave him a house to get rid of him. (Which worked btw but not to be recommended).

That's not what I meant babybarrister - sorry I wasn't clear (and please don't apologise if I'm wrong - if I can't be wrong I can't learn new things and get better :) ) what I meant was that I was stunned that she's got a decree nisi without a settlement order and that the divorce can be made absolute by either party now. (as in six weeks plus one day later) and they haven't sorted it.

How the hell do you get a decree nisi without a settlement order - our judge wouldn't even look at the paperwork until we'd agreed everything?

agree with babybarrister as usual and would just clarify that you have to have DN before you can lodge the Consent Order at the court if an agreement is reached as until then the DJ can't approve the order as have to have DN first.

BBM in your case you are protected (from the bite in the arse from your ex and vice versa) as you have both re-married therefore neither of you can make an application for financial relief against the other.

whomovedmychocolate - I did ask not to be told 'he's not your problem any more, stop worrying about him' - I'm seeking legal advice on the legal situation (not the emotional one).

So now I'm in frigging tears again.
:(

I am emotionally unable to make a social phobic bipolar man I once loved very much homeless. So shoot me.

Yes, I left him, he filed for divorce (his choice) and yes, the decree nici was read out in court.

Have I been badly advised?

So what I'm asking here is does it make it any more difficult to sort out the finances (my house that he lives in) AFTER a divorce.

Sorry, what is a DN Order and what's a consent order? I'm a novice here and need some advice that I can understand. Thanks.

DN - Decree nisi?

I was advised that you get a decree nisi, then a judge would like to see financial settlement - then a Decre Absolute.

I am asking does it HAVE to be that way around, if for other reasons, I'd quite like not to be legally married to him, and I'd quite like to give him some more time to find somewhere else to live.

Thanks so much babybarrister that's really clear and helpful.