Parental responsibility & partner

[sharonm4295]

Hi All,

I don't post on here often and have used the search to try and find similar posts so apologise if this has been repeated loads.

I have a few questions about where to start and how to go about gaining parental responsibility rights for my partner?

I will try and keep this as simple as i can...

I have a 7 year old son who's biological father has had little access to him over the last 5 1/2 years. Last time he saw him was 10 months ago. He is named on my sons birth certificate but does not and has never applied for parental responsibilty. He pays no money towards son and has nothing to do with the various health proffesionals that my son sees for his genetic condition that was diagnosed at birth. He also has no contact with school or is even aware of what school he attends.

This has been entirely his own choice and he has always been welcome in our home and encouraged to keep involved in his sons life.

My partner and i have been together 5 years and lived together the last 3. He financialy supports our family and attends all medical appointments and has as much to do with sons school as i do. He is also the only driver in the house and the named driver on sons motability car.

This is not a custody issue or an adoption issue but it would be a great help to our family if he was able to make choices and give consent for things if i am not there. He is as much a parent to my son as i am and considerably more than his biological father!

I have phoned the free legal help line but as we are not entitled to legal aid they were unable to help.

So my questions to anyone who has been through this is...

Where do we start?
It is an expensive legal cost?
Do i need biological fathers permission to apply?

Any advice or knowledge from anyone who has been through this would be really appreciated.

Thanks.

Sharon.

Thanks.

No we were not married and he was born just before the new law came in giving automatic joint responsibilities if fathers name was on birth certificate.

I have no plans to change my sons name just now, that is another battle for another day i think!
It would just make help us out alot if the person who actually parents my son and attends all his appointments and takes an interest in his school life was able to do it without me having to be there as i am the only one who can sign forms and give consent for things.

It would also be reassuring to know that if something were to happen and i couldn't be contacted that there was someone else that i trust and can rely on to make the right decisions.

If you want to give PR to a non-bio parent then you would have to prove it is in your childs best interest. this would probably involve a trip to court. TBH it is very difficult to have PR assigned to a non-bio parent, even if the bio parent agrees to it and/or has never had any contact at all. courts really do not like to do it.

the main problem is that, should your new relationship fail, they will have to - potentially - sort out the mess left behind. You cannot retract PR at a later date so your ex would always have PR over a child that is not actually related to them. This could cause all sorts of problems.

I understand that your relationship is solid right now but I would strongly suggest you do not take this step - even if you find a way that you can do it. The potential ramefications are huge and it is very hard to see them coming whilst you are happy and strong together.

Sorry, I have very good reasons for saying the above and some quite extensive experience of it but I don't really want to discuss it on an open forum like this. I wish MN had come up with the chat/private rooms they mooted a while ago!

If I just say that i have needed to protect a child in the past and PR was one way that could have helped but the childs safety was not considered enough of a reason to give PR to a non-bio parent will that help?

Mrspickles, even being married would not make it automatic. They are very keen not to just hand out PR, they can and will question the form when it goes in and will often arrange a hearing if the answers are not 100% what they need to hear.

Thanks for the honest advice.

This is not something that we plan to run out and do tomorrow, but is something that we are considering for the future.
We have had many long talks about it and although we both see this as long term and are very happy just now we do also discuss what is best for our family in the long run and the affect the decisions we make will have on the kids in the future.

Just now i am just trying to find out as much information as i can and the way in which we would approach it. I would love for my son to be able to rely on his own father but sadly it doesn't look like he will ever have that option.

FioFio., that is our main concern just now, hospital appointments, staying in hospital with my son. I didn't realise how many times i would have to sign forms and give consent for things. Sometimes very minor but still legally required. Also school and the various things he is involved in that are not hospital based appointments.

I know you can also have grand parents or other nominated people who can apply for it but i would feel that would be a bit of a kick in the teeth to my partner (and you haven't met my mother!!).

We have also discussed marriage and although i love partner to bits and am 100% commited to him i seem to cringe at the idea of a wedding, but thats just me. Really i should run away, marry him, then worry about the inlaws wrath for not going all out on a wedding.

At the end of the day my kids and family come first.

I had PR for SS2 when he came to live with us at 13.
His mum took the forms to court and it was granted with no issues.
This was because DH worked quite long hours and I worked from home so I was around when anything needed dealing with at school or when he needed any medical appointments.

However, I don't think his stepdad ever had official PR but has signed for him at doctors / hospital as far as we know.

But was easy - no problems.

PR can in fact be retracted or removed at a later date. When my DS's father was granted PR (when DS was seven)because of his previous conduct the Judge made it very clear to him that if he interfered in his everyday life then PR would be removed.

With regard to grandparents, they cannot apply for PR per se, it comes hand in hand with a residence order. Anyone with an RO automatically gets parental responsibility.

My DH got parental responsibility for my dd by filling in a form and signing it at a court with ID, then sending it off to be stamped somewhere in london along with a letter explaining why my dd's name was different to mine and that I had never been married to my ex. It was not expensive and no questions were asked, did not have to tell ex, and he still doesn't know.

You can also getting it by getting a residence order, but i think this is more expensive and you would have to inform the father.

The most straightforward and cheapest way is to get hitched and get step parent PR. You don't have to tell anyone you're married, or change your name if you don't want. Then at a later date if it becomes relevent you could still have a blessing and a do with all the family.