Montessori nightmare

[charlindubai]

My son has not settled at his montessori nursery after five days. He is completely traumatised every morning and I wish to stop going. The owner has said I must pay a terms fees - is this legal?

why does he hate it? is the problem specific to montessori-style settings, do you think, or is it just a general problem? has he been to other nurseries/daycare?

I just have a mums instinct that it is not right for him and would like to try him at a different nursery but obviously impossible if I have to pay the current nursery.

that's a pain. no idea if it's legal but it was probably in the contract when you signed him up.

anyway, 5 days is pretty early, lots of kids take far longer to settle so it may be worth persevering.

You would have to check your contract - this should have full details of the terms of cancellation

5 days? it's too early to decide, more so if this is the first time he is in nursery.

I think the advantages of Montessori are worth another 2 weeks trying to help him settle.

Even if I signed the contract I think it is awful that you can't have a trial period - it is not like asking for your money back because you don't like the top you have bought - it is little peoples lives and welfare - anyone agree? (I have a bruise on my arm where he was clinging on to me as he was pulled away by one of the staff this morning).

it is harsh, but TBH this is the kind of thing you should have asked about before you signed, sorry :(

Yes i realise that now and I hope other mums reading this will be warned. Money is the major factor not children's well being.

Five days is not that long. I know it is too you as you must feel awful. My oldest was dragged off me the firsst few weeks she went to nursery and I felt awful, but I kept going and she began to love it.

I don't agree that you should get your money back if you have changed your mind. Especially after such a short period of time as you haven't really given them a chance to try and settle him in. If you are worried about his welfare then don't take him back any more. But you shouldn't get your money back. The nursery might not be able to fill his place and then they would be out of pocket when they have not done anything wrong.

Its nice to know I am not the only one going through this - I will persevere - its not a question of changing my mind - it is what is best for my son and money shouldn't come into it as far as I am concerned - the nurseries should not be running to purely make money the same as schools are not run to purely make money. They should be putting the welfare of the mothers and children first.

That's what I am saying, if it is the welfare of your son money shouldn't come into it. I'm sure they are not running a nursery purely to make money, but they still have to make it or there would be no nurseries at all.

There is a possibility that they think that you haven't waited long enough for your ds to settle and that therefore it is a decision that you are making.

Char - I assume the nursery is doing all they can to help your DC to settle? If so, then they are clearly concerned about your child's welfare. If not , complain to the nursey management.

The issue of money is not relevant to the welfare of your child. They are merely saying that you have the right to take your child off to another nursery if you wish, and they have the right not to be left out of pocket through no fault of their own.

Most Dcs take a little while to settle into a nursery. The nursery would soon close if every mother of a child who took a few weeks to settle took the child out after five days. The nursey would soon be empty and would close.

I went through exactly this with both my DCs. And they soon settled.

Have you tried sneaking a look at them through the window after you have left? I did this after a particularly traumatic handover of my DS then 2 - within ONE MINUTE he was calmly playing with no hint of any upset. Even at this early age, they are capable of playing it up just to get their own way!

What's in your contract? At ds's nursery (also Montessori but it doesn't matter) it was a month's fees.

Agree with Dancing Hippo, what's he like after you have gone?

Montessori is really a wonderful method, my DS has benefited so much from it since his horrible isolated start in life when we were overseas.

5 days is really too soon, TALK to the head of the school. The staff have seen worse and better than your DS in settling, let them lead the way, at least for the first term. Ask them for ways that you can help him settle, ask them what if anything you can be doing.

It's OK Char, he'll settle, I promise. TBH, Montessori is such a calm environment, he's more likely to settle there than anywhere else. Stick it out, it'll be worth it.

Once he has made a friend or two, he'll be racing off to nursery!

It took 2 months before DS would happily be left at the child minder by me. He was fine if DH dropped him off though... Can you try this?

It might be an 'i want mummy' thing rather than an 'I hate this nursery' thing.

I expect you'll find that he doesn't settle well at any nursery TBH....

Another suggestion... can you stay with him for an hour or so in the morning so the transition is less sudden? OR what about doing half days for a week or so?

It may be that the transition of starting nursery was just too sudden for your DS...