child maintenance question

[SpiritualKnot]

Soon to be ex was giving me £250 a month child maintenance. We're separated and getting divorced.

He stopped this last weekend, as I've had some work done on the house and he resents this as I'm hoping to get the house put in my name, increase the mortgage and pay him off. So he doesn't want me to be able to afford to keep the house in good repair.

Question is, can he do this before anything has been settled legally financially? The house is still in joint names. We have 2 children ( aged 11 years and 18years. 18 year old goes to uni soon, so child maintenance was for youngest). Decree nisi in place on Sept 2nd (don't know if this is relavent)

He and the OW earn good money. He says he may be forced to move in with her as he's so broke. All my fault ofcourse. Any wars going on in the world? I probably started those off too.

Anyway, can he stop the child maintainence before the divorce? Don't want to go to CSA at this point, this man is unstable and I do not want to make him any angrier than he is already, but feel if I am able to say I agree with no child maintenance but that he should do it legally as part of the financial arrangement, it'll speed the divorce up for me.

Do not want to go down the big form E route. Soliciotr says it'll take about a year if we do it formally with this form. Trying to reach financial agreement between ourselves. My parents are both frail and I want to get divorced ASAP as I need to be flexible where I live etc and want to get out of any hold he has on me.

Am seeing a solicitor but she wants me to fight and fill in the big form E, try and go part-time to earn less etc. However, I don't want to play games and I don't think he's in the mood for games either. I just want out.

Thank you.

Solicitors often make things worse in these cases.

When there is only a voluntary agreement your husband can stop paying child maintenance and any arrears cannot be enforced. If you can come to an agreement between yourselves child maintenance can be included in the final court order settling finances and the order is enforceable. It isn't really possible to agree no CM because a year after the date of the order either party may apply to the CSA and the order will cease to have any effect.

Although Form E is used during court proceedings many solicitors will use Form E on a voluntary basis even when there is no court application. Without a full disclosure it is difficult to advise a client what the judge is likely consider"fair" ie within the criteria set out in the law.

If your solicitor has a confrontational style I would find another who is committed to the family lawers' organisation, Resolution, code of practice.

Thank you for the replies.

Having an awful time, H is in the Police, they all seem to be divorced and he's getting advice fom every direction and refusing to see a solicitor.

Everything I do, is in his eyes, an attempt to screw him over, when all I want is to move on with my life.

If I agree to form E it'll take him years to fill it out, I'll have to do it for him, he's useless at anything like that.

What is the benefit to him to drag out the finance part? It's absolutely killing me not knowing how I'm going to stand

Even if you come to an agreement between you a simplified statement of financial information is required to be submitted to court before the agreement is turned into a legally binding order of the court. The judge has a duty to ensure the settlement is "fair" and neither party is left disadvantaged.

Anger is often a feature of divorce but this is often a secondary emotion to primary feelings of hurt and fear. Separating partners often seem to want the exact opposite of each other and gender based groups can ratchet up grievances. Sometimes giving someone a little time to come to terms with the realities of divorce allows them to regain their composure and then it's possible to move forward constructively and quickly.

Reaching agreement between yourselves using solicitor negotiation, mediation or collaborative law if necessary costs less and does the least damage to long term family relationships. However, it isn't always possible to avoid conflict. You can't negotiate with or appease someone who continues to be unreasonable.

Ultimately if someone is being that awkward there is little alternative than to apply to court for ancillary relief. There is no point incurring costs in protracted and/or heated negotiations when there is no possibility of agreement.

Thank you for that STIDW, it was very useful.The part about the anger and giving time made me reflect. I spoke with him last night, talked about anger, hurt and fear and we've arranged that he will put money into an account for dd for her to have when she's older. He's also reinstated the child maintenance...actually he seemed to have forgotten that he said he was going to stop it.

Was also able to say that in our financial statement, if he's going to move in with OW, he should put this on the form as it'll help the judge see that we're both going to be ok. He was hinting he was going to deny this, now I think he'll put it.

Thanks again, much appreciated.