Can my ex veto my choice of childcare provider?

[bottyburpthebarbarian]

Don't know if this should be here or in relationships - sorry. I am going to post it in there too.

This has come from some issues that were raised on another thread I started earlier.

I am interested in knowing what other MNetters who are separated/divorced think.

In a nutshell, my ex and I share custody on a 50/50 basis. We have a set rota, and it generally works not too badly. (At least in terms of looking after the DD's)

I am about to start uni, and my ex wants to know who will be looking after the kids, and the times they will be looking after them. He wants to know so he can decide if he approves of them or not.

I genuinely believe this is none of his business and that since I am considered a sane safe person who is capable of looking after my children, then I am capable of deciding who will take care of them when I am not available?

FWIW he works and sometimes when he is looking after the kids, he gets someone who I definitely don't approve of to mind them - my view is that I just have to "suck it up"

Sorry for the long post but this is wrecking my head.

Yes BB he does.

But that cuts both ways, right?

Thing is - he uses his mum and the kids don't like it because "Granny keeps saying nasty things about you"

I told him this and he told me I would have to just "live with it" - he had the right to use anyone he chose

I really don't want to have to drag it into court for what might even be a non issue depending on my timetable for uni

Parental Responsibility obliges you to consult with him. But it doesn't give him an automatic right to veto your choice. And vice-versa, of course.

If he strenuously objects then he does have the right to take you to court over it. Unless the person/organisation you have chosen for childcare is spectacularly inappropriate - Gary Glitter wouldn't be a wise choice, for instance - then I seriously doubt a court would entertain his request. Generally, a court will take the view that what a parent does with the child(ren) when with that parent is no business of the other parent.

Are your DDs going to be looked after by a registered childminder or will it be more of a friend/family thing?

My mum and dad are going to do it - it'll be an hour or two at the most one day at week at a maximum.

On odd days when they can't do it I have a couple of different friends lined up to help out. Mums from school, older sister of a friend of DD2.

I actually said to him that maybe we could be more flexible and work it between us, and he turned away and shut the door.

Blimey, from your first post I was expecting it to be hours and hours of childcare four or five days a week.

So it's basically going to be your DDs spending an hour or two a week with their grandparents? Plus some backup if required? That sounds absolutely ideal.

Your ex is being a total arse. I cannot imagine that any judge would take him seriously if he complained to court about this arrangement. Maybe write him a letter saying something along the lines of "I have thought carefully about the concerns you have raised regarding childcare for DDs while I am attending courses. I believe that the arrangements I have made are satisfactory and in the best interests of DDs. Yours etc." And then just ignore him.

Snorbs - I only have to be in 2.5 days a week.

So two days i am never ever in

half a day i'll be home in time for them.

Which leaves the 2 days.

We have 50/50 custody and every week he will have them one of the days or he'll have them every other week (depends what day it is)

I really cannot see what his issue is - not a genuine one anyway