ACCESS ISSUES - PLEASE HELP.

[veyron]

I wonder if anyone can help me with this and my dd7's father. I have just been threatened with legal action as I refused to drop DD off today.

Long story so please bare with me..

Ex and i split over two and a half years ago and ex moved back in with his mother. DD stayed with me and it was mutually agreed that DD would see her father all weekend from friday evening till sunday evening on alternate weekends. and ex would pay weekly maintenance.

Problem is ex doesn't drive and sends his Live-in girlfriend to do all the picking up and dropping off which has been fine with me (they live with her 4 kids about 6-7 miles away with no direct bus route) This has happened for around 2 years, the first time was when his girlfriend (who i had never met dropped my DD on a sunday night) i had no clue who this woman was when she turned up with my DD btw. I made no fuss about it as she seemed nice enough and i didn't want yet another row with ex (a real bully)

I have never ever stopped ex having access to DD and have never questioned his GF from picking and dropping off dd.

The problem that has been annoying me for a long,long time is that the weekends DD is at her Dad's is often cancelled or re-arranged at the last minute. (I have just checked my text messages from ex partner and his gf and this has happen 4 times in the last 4 months)

This weekend DD was supposed to be at her Dad's so I text him last night to ask what time DD was being picked up today, no answer. So DD and i went out for lunch with family and i get a text at 1pm 'are you in will pick DD in 10' I reply that no I am not in I am out so not convenient. He then texts back, 'what time are you dropping her off then' i reply and say that i am not dropping her off and that he/his gf can pick her up at usual time in evening (usually about 6-6:30) and if he'd replied to my previous nights text he would have known we wouldn't be back home till later. He then says by text that he was taking me court as it's always about me and he was fed up with it, i explained that i had never ever refused him access and that if he wanted to do things legally then in future I would not let anybody else collect DD only him. Am i legally entitled to do this? I feel i have been very reasonable with regard to access over the last two years (i have never changed any access arrangements) and it seems because i wasn't willing to drop DD to his GF's house he is threatening me with courts etc.

All i want is for DD to have regular contact with her Dad, I want him to make the effort to pick his daughter up and drop her off and not keep canceling at the last minute.

BTW he has decided he is not seeing DD this weekend now as I told him i would not let her leave with his GF only him.

I really don't need/want the stress of seeing DD upset like this when her Dad cancels, but at the same time i want him to realise that his DD is his responsibility not his GF's.

so my question really is.. Can I refuse his GF picking DD up or not? can i insist on DD's dad picking her up dropping her off, would a court see it this way?

TIA

i think you may struggle to stop gf picking/dropping off as you have agreed it for so long, if he gets a new gf then yes you can, at first, but the court's view it that people do and are allowed to move on.

i think he does need to stick to the routine though and not keep changing it as it will be very unsettling to you dd

countydurhamlass

Thanks for your reply,

'but the court's view it that people do and are allowed to move on'.

I appreciate what you are saying and it's not a question of people moving on etc.(can see how it sounds though) It just annoys me when DD comes home with her Dads GF a bit upset that 'Daddy's looking after x's kids.'

he just doesn't seem to make any effort whatsoever for his daughter.

Some weekends when she is there, Daddy has spent the whole of Saturday at the football and pub afterward while his GF looks after his daughter.

so can you not to collect her then??

dragonfly68

I have done in the past but not very often I admit due to the fact that I have gone to pick her up at an arranged time and nobody in. After sitting in traffic for half an hour or so to get only 6 miles away, this is not what you want to hear.

After that I refused to do it.

thing is,if it goes to court,you might be told you have to pick up or drop off. its the fairest way. a judge wouldnt care about the ins and outs of traffic/not being in etc....courts expect more from grown adults

mjinhiding

'no you would have no control over who was dropping her off, picking her up or looking after her'

is that right? A court would say that anyone could come and collect my daughter from my house? and i would legally have to let them?

wrt his spending 'his' time with dd at the football/pub. he see's his dd every other weekend, that's all, is it too much to expect him to spend that time catching up with his dd and not spending it in the pub. funnily enough its the euro qualifiers tonight and he's found another way of not seeing her.

sorry i don't mean to rant at you, it's just i keep seeing dd's little face when Daddy decides to cancel on her again!

dragonfly68

'courts expect more from grown adults'

OMG i sound really childish don't i?

Am so angry though

For what it is worth, the court will take the view that it is about your DDs right to contact with her father, not the other way around.

And yes, the court would generally take the view that the arrangements her father makes for picking her up, dropping her off and caring for her are his own business (within reason). That doesn't mean you have to hand her over to every Tom, Dick or Harry who turns up claiming to be collecting your DD on her father's behalf, but it does mean you have to hand her over if her father has told you that Tom, Dick or Harry will be collecting her.

I agree that he should be spending time with his DD rather than in the pub but I'm afraid that is none of your business. It may, of course, mean that your DD is less willing to visit him when she is old enough for her views to be taken into account.

I don't think it's as cut and dried as some posters here have stated with regard to contact collections. However, it is unlikely the court would intervene in long established contact collection arrangements.

The reality is that it really does depend upon which Judge you get as to their viewpoint upon these issues. For example our first Judge refused point blank ex's request that his GF collection DS from school, stating that he would not let just any tom, dick or harry make collections.

Second Judge wanted to know why, in detail, that ex could not make collections on Friday tea times, even asking if he could not change his work arrangments to accommodate this.

The bottom line is that I can't see a reason to take you to court - have you breached an existing order? he already has contact which seems to work other than his cancelling, or does he want to formalise arrangements through an order so you had to comply?

I would avoid court at all costs, it will destroy any relationship you have and cost you a fortune and your poor DD will be caught in the middle of hostilities.