Hello,
I'm posting on behalf of a friend (B) who finds herself in a tragic and desperate situation involving divorce, battle for child custody and the very real threat of being kicked out of her home. Please bear with me if this post ends up being a long one, but I would really appreciate any advice that can be offered.
B has been served divorce papers by her husband. They have 2 children under the age of 5. DH has severe health problems, one of them being he is almost completely blind. The family live together in the same property but he does not look after the children at all and never has really. In fact he more or less ignores the elder child, other than to tell her off.
DH has not spoken to B for about a year. Although they live in the same property, the atmosphere and tension as you can imagine is intolerable. When DH is at home, he occupies the living room and no one is allowed in there. They live in a tiny flat and the kids have to either stay in their room or go into the parent?s bedroom. The TV is in the living room; when DH leaves the house, he takes the TV lead with him so no one can watch the TV. B+ kids were out with me all day last week, DH had been at home the whole day, he does not work;( due to disablilities and current economic climate, is unable to find a job). B came home and started running a bath for the Kids, DH comes in and says he has to take a bath. B avoids all confrontation with him, lets him have his bath, he takes 1 and a half hours. Kids eventually do not get their bath until 9pm.
I believe DH is severely depressed. He was mature student, completed his studies a year ago but cannot find a job. He blames B for everything even though she has been nothing but a supportive and loving wife. She helped him with his degree, financially supported him a lot and gave him 2 kids. I know there are always 2 sides to every story but ever since I have known B, I have always thought her to be an incredibly patient person, honest, kind and decent. She is also a wonderful mother.
Family live in a council property. Both applied jointly for council housing, but he signed the tenancy papers whilst B was away (attending funeral of her father) so he is the rightful tenant of the property and she and kids are dependants. DH is not working and gets legal aid. His solicitors sent B a letter informing her that she and the kids had 2 weeks to move out of the flat, even though she has nowhere else to go and they would be homeless.
B is an EU citizen; husband is non -EU citizen and does not have indefinite leave to remain stamp in his passport. DH is now trying to win full/ or partial custody of children. He is completely unable to look after them, never has looked after them, and in fact hardly interacts with them at all now. B has always effectively been like single parent bringing up the kids on her own as she gets no help whatsoever from DH. DH is on benefits, B is self-employed and has been told she's not entitled to legal aid as she earns above threshold (£8,000).
DH entered UK on visa to visit relative, visa expired, he was effectively an illegal immigrant, marries B and then becomes entitled to all benefits of UK/EU citizen through her. I initially could not understand why a man who shuns all responsibility for his kids, appears to want nothing to do with them, would then want to fight for custody. But after speaking to someone today, the penny finally dropped. I believe he is fighting for custody so he can retain the right to remain in this country after divorce and can continue to enjoy his benefits which he became entitled to once he married her. B terrified of losing her kids.
B?s income is currently very limited. The solicitor she employed has given her conflicting advice/information and B has little faith in her. B was effectively cheated out of her council flat as both her and DH applied for housing together, yet he was the one who signed the tenancy agreement. How could the council have allowed this? When she confronted them about this, they said there was nothing they could do as the agreement had already been signed.
There will be a court hearing to decide who will live in that flat. DH I believe is in a strong position as he is the legal tenant and then there are his health issues. I understand the judge while make his/her decision on what is best for the kids. Would they decide that the kids are better off living in the family home with the father and B has to move out? And social services would then have to provide the father with the help he would need to look after the kids? Could a scenario like this occur?
What should B do? What are the chances of DH winning custody of kids? What is the likelihood of B being able to become sole tenant of the family home and live there with kids? B is German, what would happen if she were to return to Germany with the kids and let DH start fighting for custody whist she and kids are in Germany?
Sorry for such a long post. I would be so grateful for any help/ advice given as I feel so sorry for my friend in this terrible and very sad situation. All she ever wanted was for her kids to grow up in a loving home with a mother and father and she was willing to put up with DH?s unreasonableness if it meant keeping the family unit together.
Many thanks in advance.