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Donor contracts

6 replies

Thinking11 · 06/08/2010 17:01

I was wondering if anyone would be able to help me. I have found a suitable contract that myself and the donor agree to prior to donor insemination and I was wondering if this needs to be done through a solicitor or if both signing it with a witness is enough to make it legal.

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hester · 06/08/2010 17:18

Hi Thinking. I went through this 5 years ago and was advised (by a solicitor) that these contracts are NOT legally binding. You need to be aware that you cannot sign away your child's rights to a relationship with their biological father and to his duty to provide support to any children. However, if you got into a dispute about access, or example, any contract would probably be taken into account by the courts as indicating the agreement between you at this point. And they are a useful exercise in themselves, in helping you and your donor clarify mutual expectations and resolve any misunderstandings between you.

If you are looking for a good solicitor experienced in these things, I think BurtonWoods in central London are excellent.

Stonewall last year published a guide for lesbians on donor insemination etc - you might find useful information on their website.

Good luck x

Thinking11 · 06/08/2010 17:29

Thanks for your help

Through my hours of internet serching I can find lots of advice for same sex couples but less advice for single women.

I have heard many times that donor contracts are not legally binding but will help during any dispute. My thinking is that if this is the case then I could save the stress and expence of drawing up a contract with a solicitor and sign a contract we both agree to without involving impersonal, expensive solicitors.

If im not being too personal, what was your experience? Did you use a contract?

OP posts:
hester · 06/08/2010 19:04

You are right, you can do it without a solicitor, if you are happy with the model contract you have found. We did get a solicitor's advice - but it was for free because she is a friend.

I am a lesbian mother with a 4 year old birth child. We used a known donor and he is an involved father - sees our daughter every week, pays child support, is named on the birth certificate etc. We used a known donor because we wanted our daughter to know her father: once we had decided that, it made sense to kind of give him from the start what a court would be likely to give him if we did fall out: regular contact, consultation on major issues etc. In return, we expected him to make a financial contribution and leave us to get on with the day-to-day parenting.

In the first year, there were some prickly moments when the contract was useful: i was able to point to it and say, "This is what we agreed" and use that as our default position. As time went on, we have grown to trust each other more and be more flexible, but I think we're all glad to have a contract. Just drawing it up was a great help, forcing us to discuss the difficult issues at a time when all of us just wanted to be nice to each other.

I don't know if this is the kind of arrangement you have in mind, but whatever your level of involvement I think a contract is very useful - so long as you are both aware of what it can and can't do.

Have you made contact with the Donor Conception Network? i think they have lots of single members.

You may also find it worth posting this under 'Lesbian and Gay Parents'. I know you're not lesbian, but that's where you'll find the most expertise on this issue!

But I'm also happy to answer any further questions. It's a fascinating subject!

Thinking11 · 06/08/2010 19:56

Thanks for your help, its really nice to be in contact with someone that has already been there and done it.

I have been wanting children for a long time and I had decided that if I hadn't already met someone by the time i was 35 i would start the ball rolling on unknown donor insemination. Then out of the blue an old friend contacted me and told me that he had been talking to a friend and he was thinking about becoming a sperm donor. He didnt want a family of his own but would like to know that a piece of him was out there. He also said that he wished he knew somebody that wanted a baby as he'd love to know he had helped someone.

Thats when me old friend told him about me. We have met many time before and have known about each other for many years. The donors best friend and my best friend are both brothers. We have talked at length and it looks like we are going to do this. My only fear is that I need to get the ball rolling as he might change his mind, i know thats really bad but i really want this.

Im not niave and i understand that being a single mum is going to be VERY hard, i have stated that i will not want any money from him and that is going to form the main part of the contract. I have spoken to my family and although my parents are struggling to understand they are supportive but just worried about me.

I am meeting with the donor again and i think we should go throught the contract i have found.

Thank you so much for listening to(reading) my story. There is so much to think about xx

OP posts:
hester · 06/08/2010 21:44

Wow, that's an interesting story. I really wish you well and hope that you'll soon have your baby.

I'm about to disappear for a week (off to pick up my second daughter, who we are adopting!) but do keep us in touch with how you get on. If you want to contact me directly, please do so.

xx

Thinking11 · 06/08/2010 22:00

Wow congrats on your second daughter, im sure she's going to be a very lucky little girl.

I will keep in touch if thats ok and ill be able to talk to you all about the new addition to your family

xx

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