Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Child maintenance - pay until "child" is 23 if in fulltime education?

27 replies

ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 13:14

Hello all
not sure where to post this one, so trying here first!
My DH's maintenance (agreed through solicitors, not through CSA) states that he will continue to pay child maintenance up until the time the child leaves full time education maximum 23 years of age.
We have no problem at all in supporting him through his education but my question is - why should the money be paid to the mother, not the son? At 23 (should he still be studying) he will be a man in his own right and most likely living away from his mother.
Tbh, I think my DH's solicitor at the time of the divorce wasnt brilliant and they came to an agreement at the 11th hour to avoid court costs, and my DH was in such a mess he wasnt really paying any attention to the detail.
So, I'd be grateful to know - is this normal procedure? Seems a bit odd to me... but what do I know?
Thanks!

OP posts:
iskra · 20/07/2010 15:50

Well, I don't think somebody counts as a "mature" student until they are 23. So up until that point how much the child is entitled to in student loans is assessed on the parent's income - they will most likely still be supporting them in one way or another.

mumofsatan · 20/07/2010 17:56

Quite often it is agreed that when the child gets to 'x' age the money will then be paid to them as opposed to the mother (who hopefully does pass it on!) A well drafted order would normally provide for this.
Your DH should write to his ex to say that when the child begins at Uni he intends to pay the maintenance direct to the child and hopefully that can be agreed

Original poster
ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 18:51

thanks mumofsatan (quite scary name you have there!).
Yes we're happy to support him - we just want the money to go to him to spend on beer and loose living - not the mother!
thank you

OP posts:
poppy34 · 20/07/2010 18:56

Out of interest what is position if ex doesn't pay it on r son to use in traditional way(pot noodles and cheap beer) ?

Original poster
ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 19:19

sorry Poppy34, didnt quite understand your question there? do you mean what if he choses not to pay at all?

OP posts:
poppy34 · 20/07/2010 19:21

No pays but you have proof that the son is not getting the cash(ie it's not being paid to them in cash or via bank account)

Sweeedes · 20/07/2010 19:40

Your post has made me really cross. If he's a working man at 19, he won't get a bean will he? If he's a med school student at 23 he will get support from his father. That seems eminently reasonable to me.

Academic terms are very short, the student is only away at college for about 26-30 weeks a year? The other half of the year, he needs somewhere to live -- I guess that's with his mum? Given the state of things, he is also unlikely to find much in the way of work during his holidays.

I can't believe you are fussing about this.
How about you pay the son directly and he lives with you during non-term time. Then you'll be really able to keep a close eye on where his money's going.

Original poster
ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 19:45

Sweedes. Boy is very likely to go to med school, which we are delighted about. Absolutely no problem giving him the money either and he is likely to live with us, not his mum during holiday time.
My question is whether the money should continue to be paid to his mother (as stipulates by the court order), and not to him directly. We dont care what he spends it on! I know I didnt spend much of mine on books or laundry particulary, when I was at uni!
What we dont want is to end up paying it twice - i.e. once to her and again to him (if she's not passing it on).

OP posts:
Sweeedes · 20/07/2010 19:52

How old is the boy? ANd where does he live now?

ladysybil · 20/07/2010 19:54

his age is immaterial. if he is in full time education, then his earnings are linked in with his parents. by trying to bypass his mother, just because he is beyond a certain age, i think you are being pedantic.

AppleAndBlackberry · 20/07/2010 19:55

My parents' agreement was that my dad would 'reasonably maintain' us through university and so he just switched the direct debit and paid the money directly to us.

To be honest it didn't go very far (my Mum worked too as the maintenance didn't cover everything) so I didn't give my Mum money in the holidays except a really small amount in the summer when I was working but I didn't take any money from her either so it was just the room and food.

FakePlasticTrees · 20/07/2010 20:01

I think it's quite normal to take into account uni degrees like medicine.

It's assuming the mother is supporting him at uni. I know it can cause problems if your DSS decides to take a year out, as he will then have left full time education, but then I assume your Dh wouldn't be the sort of arse who'd refuse to give his son anything as
"he doens't have to now" (dear friend had to cancel having a year out as his Dad made it clear he'd only have to pay if he had too...)

ivykaty44 · 20/07/2010 20:02

well get the court order changed when the son reaches 18 or if he is now.
It is written in stone - but you can take the stone back to court and say ok things have changed ds is living with us in hols adn at uni so no longer with Mrs xxx
teh court will listen and just can change that part

not really that difficult when they are that much older and living with you.

Original poster
ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 20:06

FakePlasticTrees, you are right, Dh would support in whichever way is required, to be honest, including if he wanted a year out, or in fact decided to work and not go to uni and still need some financial support to get by. I am now sure why others are getting so heated on here!
All I am saying is... we will happily support him through uni for as many years as that will be - we just dont want to have to pay it to the mother...

OP posts:
STIDW · 20/07/2010 20:17

CM is usually paid to the parent with the majority of care for the benefit of the child. Even if an over 18 year old is away at university or a gap year for a few years it isn't considered unreasonable to continue with maintaining a base for them to live.

Your DH is liable to pay CM as per order unless his ex-wife agrees a variation or the court varies it so that the son is paid directly. The Catch 22 is that an application to vary the order can cost as much as the CM in question, although if circumstances change and the son does live with you there is every chance of being successful.

If DH unilaterally decides to stop paying CM to his ex and pays the son directly he risks arrears being enforced and having to pay CM twice. Again this isn't very likely if the situation changes and the son lives with you.

My suggestion would be to continue paying just now and if the child then changes where he lives then try to negotiate a variation. It's in no one's interest to run up solicitor's bills.

Sweeedes · 20/07/2010 20:37

Ladydeedy I've just had a search through your posts. What you are doing is at best ill advised and at worst malevolent. Do you have no respect for your husband's son's mother?

I honestly think you should back off and let your husband deal with his ex wife and child. I think you aren't helping matters at all. I think you know that, though.

Original poster
ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 21:11

Thanks STIDW, our concern exactly - cost of varying could outweigh and to no-one's benefit.

Sweeedes, I am sorry you are so cross and angry. I am not being malevolent. The boy has been kicked out by his mother. We're trying to do what is best for him.

And my honest opinion? No, I dont have any respect for my husband's son's mother, as you describe her. A woman who has physically abused her own son on multiple occasions, and then kicked him out of the house and then continued to bully him by phone.... no, no respect left actually.

OP posts:
Sweeedes · 20/07/2010 21:30

It's not unusual for teenagers to fall out with their parents. It's really not helpful for you to become involved.

DO you have any children of your own?

Original poster
ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 21:45

Sweedes, yes I have two stepchildren.
I am involved.
Are you ok, or just hostile to everyone?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 20/07/2010 21:55

you may find living with a teens is different form a visiting teen - I may be wrong

Original poster
ladydeedy · 20/07/2010 21:56

ivykaty44, yes I am well aware that real life may not be a bed of roses, but am prepared and willing to take that on. thanks.

OP posts:
freedom2010 · 21/07/2010 10:05

I dont agree that he should pay until the child I mean adult is 23, its a joke and if he dose then it should be going straight to his child. If this was with the CSA it would be until they where 19 years of age.

Original poster
ladydeedy · 21/07/2010 10:10

I know.
We'll see what happens once the variance is applied for, as to what the court decides. Thank you.

OP posts:
freedom2010 · 21/07/2010 10:23

I hope you get it sorted!

Original poster
ladydeedy · 21/07/2010 10:36

thanks!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread