number 4?

[benandoli]

we have three children (8, 4 and 21 mths). DH has had to be persuaded into each one bout is agreat dad. Now that we have three we finally seem to know what we are doing. I look at those with only 1 who are stressing and really think that we have got it sorted. I also work part time as a teacher which I love. So here is the dilema, I really want another but I know DH would say no. However if number 4 happened he would be great once he / she was here. The other children would love another sibling. So ii it awful of be to plan another without telling him?

It would be immoral to make an accident happen, you know that!
Sorry, I had 3 and then No. 4 really threw a spanner in the works, has tied me down a lot and makes it so hard to get a job -- do you have lots of family support? The DC now vastly outnumber me.

You need to be honest and keep trying to persaude him openly .

Yes we do have lots of family support, although the grandparents obviously arent getting any younger. We both have good jobs and although life is very hectic im sure we could manage.

I don't think it would be fair. It has crossed my mind too as we have 3 and I'd love a forth but not for at least 2 years dh has had enough. I just think it would be bad karma so I hope in the meantime that he might change his mind.

It took me years to pursade DH to have number 4 but he did in the end and I'm so glad that the LO is here because DH agreed rather than had DS forced upon him.
I've been in a situation with an accident baby and telling the father isn't nice and not what you'd want for yourself or the baby.

I'm desperate for number 3 and DH isn't sure. I could never put that strain on my marriage by going ahead anyway though.

Your first priority HAS to be your existing DC's and your marriage.

It's so hard, believe me I know, but it is simply wrong to deliberately bring a child into the world where it's not wanted by BOTH parents

I have four children and would have gone for another but when we talked my husbans kinna was happy with four.

I found it hard to accept that I was not having any more babies. I am glad that I settled with four. I have moved on to another stage in my life.

I also childmind five children.

Having four is great. Some things will change as you have more children. Ie most places see a family as two children and two adults. (booking hols etc)

PLEASE DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER ONE WITHOUT YOUR OTHER HALF AGREEING AS IT MAY CAUSE HIM TO RESENT YOU FOR THAT.

Being pregnant was great but I could not keep having babies because of this reason.

I still love babies especially little girls but I have moved on now.

mamatomany What changed your dh's mind? We had a pg scare not that long ago and with our finances and our current situation another baby would have been tricky. Anyway it wasn't the case. My dh got really anxious about it whereas I kind of knew we would have coped well as so far all our dc are great sleepers. However his v obvious relief when the test was negative did make me wonder if he would ever be up for another one. I certainly would not want to coax and cajole but would be delighted if he just said lets go for it. In any case an ideal time would be in just under 2 yrs so maybe by then he might have changed his mind. Maybe I will too but I'm just so terribly broody! I was puked upon by our baby 30 mins ago so have no illusions about blissful family life. I recognise that me and dh need some time together and don't get any help from family as they are all far away we are tired and skint. I should know better!

Constant nagging maybee I think he realised that I wouldn't be happy without number 4 but he wouldn't be unhappy with it I guess.
It's caused us lots of problems challenges but so far DC4 is a little treasure and we all adore him.