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Should we have a 3rd baby?
1

JoJoLouise · 02/05/2010 13:52

This is a joint post from myself and my husband, and we'd really like to get feedback from mums and dads!

We have a 21 month son and a 4 year old daughter, we both work full time and have busy but happy lives. We could afford to have another baby so financial reasons aren't an issue.

I (mum) would love to have a 3rd child, I struggle to verbalise this logically, I just would love to have another baby and for us to have 3 children in our family.

My husband has always said that he only wanted two. As we have one of each he doesn't see the point of having another one. He also struggled with depression after our son was born and so those early months hold particularly bad memories for him. His concern is that he wouldn't bond with a third as he's only ever wanted 2.

This isn't going to tear us apart, but I'm 39 and now that if we are to have one then it would need to be in next 2 years.

He is open to advise and stories from others , particularly men, who have been in this postion, and interested to hear a variety of different outcomes too!

Many thanks x

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luciemule · 02/05/2010 16:40

Are you (mum) sure it's not just another baby you want and have you actually thought about once it's a child? For me personally, I was desperate for another one a couple of years back once DS2 was at preschool but I soon realised it was down to not having a job and being bored and also, the fact that I loved babies. When I spoke to DH, he said he really didn't want another and he couldn't imagine having to go through the sleepless nights/baby stage again. I had pnd after DD1 (not after DS2) and DH also had depression following birth of DD (probably mainly down to me having pnd).
Our life really is complete with two and I have taken a different career path and trained as a doula so having another would mean me putting that on hold. Also, my Dh thinks about the finacial implications and whilst we could afford another on the surface, it was things like uni fees and stuff when they're older, as well all the hobbies/after school clubs etc.
However, if you really want another child (not just loving the baby thing) then if you don't have another, you might regret it and start to resent your DH or he, you. He thinks perhaps he will have depression with another and whilst this is a possibility, it's not a certain.
At the end of the day though, your DH is content with two and it's you that needs to work out if you're content with the two you have or whether you have enough love (and time) for another and also (probably the most important) whether your current two, will adapt to another baby/child. My DH is the middle of three and throughout his life, has always hated being a middle child. The eldest gets all the attention first, and the youngest (who's a girl) still hgets all the help from his parents. As he's good at coping, he seems to get the least attention from his parents which gets him down sometimes.

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