Number 3? please help!

[AliM7482]

I don't know where to start really, so here goes.

We have gorgeous twins aged 20 months who we adore. We took a long time ttc and eventually had them after IVF treatment, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done but so worth it. It has at times been bloody hard work but now that they are a bit older I finally feel that I'm getting my life back - have recently started a new dream job and generally feel pretty settled and happy.

As we had had problems previously, it didn't occur to me or DH that I could get pregnant. But how wrong we were. I've been feeling a bit off colour recently, and turns out I am now probably around 8 weeks up the duff.

I feel:

• shocked. How could this happen?
• guilty. I keep remembering how I felt last time round - even through terrible morning sickness I felt ecstatic that I was finally going to be a mum. I just don't feel that way this time round.
• terrified. We are just managing to keep our heads above water with the twins but I am worried about the burden of another child on me and DH - we are just so tired all the time! I also worry about how the twins would adapt to having another baby in the house, as they throw massive tantrums if I so much as look at another child.

Please let me know what you think, and if you have any pearls of wisdom I'd love to know what they are.

A
x

That is wonderful news.

I can apreciate how you feel.I was always very worried at the prospect of another pregnancy.

I loved having 3 children so much that I went on to have a 4th.It is tough but so wonderful.

I have been a much calmer and more understanding mother to dc2,3 and 4 as I have the experience and confidence.

I have had a 2,3 and 4 year age gap between my DC the 3 year gap was the easiest.

Yes please, the more positive tales the better. We are going to continue with the pregnancy, although I can't say it didn't cross my mind to think about other options. At the end of the day I see how much I love the twins and I know deep down I would feel the same way about no. 3.

But I am also utterly overwhelmed and anxious and feel like a total idiot for not managing my own contraception properly at the age of 36. And I feel like a bad mother for thinking like this.

A single baby will be much easier than 2 at once.

You will have a fantastic age gap.

I wish it were me. (although I am not good at being pregnant)

3 feels like a big but manageble family.

Hi A!

Let me just say that in my experience, going from having one child to two was the biggest adjustment for us (even more so than having our first), and having a third was a breeze as he has just fit into everything we already do. My age gaps are 14 months between the first two and 19 months between the second, and I am pregs and due in November which will be a 2.5 year gap, by far my biggest! Since you immediately had two (and I can only imagine how tough it must be having twins, as you have twice as many screaming babies urgently needing your attention 24/7 for the first year at least), I would think that a third child would be very little hassle, in a way.

And with regard to worrying about your twins reacting badly to a new sibling in the house, EVERY person I know who worried about this, without exception, found that when the baby was born, the sibling(s) were thrilled and excited. You see, by the time the baby is born, assuming you've chatted to the children about it already, that baby not only belongs to you and your husband, but to them too! =) Children are remarkably fickle too, and what they don't like/want now will probably be totally different in 6 months time. Plus, they will be over 2 by then, and very likely becoming more independent and able to be helpful in their little way, and hopefully past the tantrums phase. I would say, you have many months to adjust to the idea, and I've never known a child to be anything other than thrilled when receiving a sibling. Hope that is a little encouraging! =)