4 children- is it right? how do you cope

[PoppyC]

Am just about to have first baby and have always had fantasies of very large family, (preferably 4) maybe because I am an only child.

So if you have lots of kids do you manage ok? is it hard getting all their needs met?
Or even if you were one of many, do the benefits outweigh the cons?

Just to point out this isn't a pressing issue for me right now, just wondering!

I love having four, but never planned it. I have a 9yo, a 7yo who is disabled, and 5yo twins.

I find I can't let anything slip, because if I do it takes me days to catch up with stuff. It's def a lot easier now they are at school! For the first few years I couldn't juggle everything myslef, and dh had to muck in a lot more. There were times when I jsut could have sat and cried!

Now I can get most of it done during the day, so we have a few hours with the kids in the evening, and then they go to bed by 7.30 latest for our adult time. Weekends we can do all the fun stuff with them, so I don't think they do miss out now neither. I also never pass up an opputunity to pack off one or two of them somewhere to give me quality time with the others.

There are downsides, not being able to stay in a hotel very easily, having to drive a massive car, places like theme parks and that are still a bit tricky without another pair or hands, swimming isn't possible with all 4 because of safety ratios.

It's def worth it though.

The kids also have to muck in a lot more. They clean their own rooms, make the beds, clear the table after dinner. They can all load and turn on the washing machine or tumbler, they put their own laundry in the basket. Dt2 dries dishes and puts them away, dt1 loves dusting, dd can make lunch, hang washing out, etc.

It is good for them though, I do notice when we have singletons around for tea, often they seem to expect to be waited on!

I found 1 child very hard and quite frankly I'm surprised I had any more at all, nevermind 4!

Going from 1-2 was the most difficult for me, I left a 3 year gap between 2-3 to recover and then had no4 2 years later.
They're 7,6,3 and 1 and it is unbelievably difficult, however,
all mine are home as we Home Educate too.

My advice would be think very carefully about it because 'a picnic it is NOT!'

The house is constantly trashed, the washing pile is humongous ALL THE TIME, they absolutely outnumber you and they know it. You'll need a BIG house, not necessarily for the bedrooms, but for the amount of living space.
For instance;
a dining room table for 6 (noone ever mentions that)
toys for 4 kids (don't under estimate how much storage that takes)
Other things to note;
things like 4 bikes (where to put them)
uniforms/clubs for them all (costs and time spent ferrying small people about)
the cost of holidays/flights etc (you'll be hard pushed to get a room abroad big enough)
the big car to transport you all
the shopping bill, which has yet to dip under £140 per week, despite my very best efforts
childcare costs if you go to work
proximity of family to help out (mine aren't that close, but I really do wish they were)

Consider your age, the gaps you hope to have in between them, the toll of pg on your body (which got harder with each child due to SPD for me) and finally whether you can cope with the sleep deprivation, which generally lasts at least 8 years with 4 children ;)

Best of luck.... taking all the above into consideration I would still do it all again...I LOVE IT!! :D

I was going to argue about the humoungous washing pile til I saw you home ed them. I do washing as it piles up, so keep on top of it, but that's cos I pack my off to school! Hats off to you!

We also live in a small 3 bed semi, so don't have much space, and manage though it isn't ideal and I think if they didn't go out to school it would def get too much. We have a l shaped lounge, big table in one part, two massive sofas in the other. But I do sometimes get a bit tired of children constantly THERE, cos we dont have another reception room or masses of room upstairs to play.

I can't wait til summer, whne they can be outside more, and in the playhouse, and eat outside too.

Oh yes Chops, I love the Summer, get to chuck them outside!!
Plus if it gets too much we get to skive to the beach everyday if necessary (pluses of HE)

They love it

They are good kids and pretty well behaved, but the constant-ness takes its toll every now and again.
Still wouldn't change it though.

OP you MUST have a very hands-on DH for 4+, imho....that and wine.....lots of wine

I think the one bugbear for everyone is the laundry. I am glad to know I am not alone

I also have to admit I too hate doing socks and I never ever iron (torn shoulder muscles is a great excuse reason)

Poppy - good for you, thinking ahead .

I only have one brother and used to envy our neighbours who had four- 2 boys who played together and 2 girls who played together. Now we have three of the same sex who play together and I love that they are a little gaggle and have fun together.

It is hard work. I like the house reasonably tidy and have to spend hours a day on cooking, washing up, washing, putting away washing, hoovering etc etc. Somehow two children felt too small a family though and I am a much more relaxed mother now I have three. Not sure how I would fare with four though!

Hmm, well everyone has their limits of what they can cope with. I was the perfect mother when I had 2 children, but like the OP, I wanted 4. Everything is now perpetually about to escape me, and my house is a mess. But it is lovely having 4 children.

Dont underestimate the cost, btw. Bigger car, bigger house maybe, 4x everything...

I have 6 baskets in the laundry for everyones clothes so if it doesn't make it to the bedroom they know where it is.Also I keep all the uniforms and sports gear in massive cupboards in the laundry.

With 6 people in the house to feed you need 245 pieces of fruit and veg a week to ensure they all get there 5 a day !!!

Housework and laundry we have a housekeeper.Shit it is a huge job and I also do alot.

I have 6 and it is hard but fab

lol at 'the scream smiley' might ask Mumsnet for one called The Munch to succinctly sum up certain aspects of parenting!!

The young bit is a doddle - the teen bit puts YEARS on you but gawd I would do it all again 'and do it and do it and do it...'

please don't say it will get worse mcbitchy! I keep telling myself it will get better when dts are 3 and this is the hard bit but then I had them very close together (4 in less than 5 years).
Haven't got into the big pots thing yet as we can't fit any in our tiny kitchen. And dts throw majority of their food on the floor anyway so not inclined to try too hard right now! Do you really all do industrial cooking? I can cope with the laundry, I make the older two (6 and 3) put their clothes away, I sort it all on the ironing board 2 or 3 washes at a time. No ironing, the drier is my iron! I suspect it does get worse because as the kids get bigger so do their clothes but will make them do more at that point I think.
sorky has some really good points, I didn't want or expect 4 so hadn't thought about any of that and am a bit resentful about the implications really (don't want to drive some horrible big car, spent a fortune on food, can't easily go on holiday etc). Trouble with more children is that you spend more time cleaning/tidying/cooking and a lot less quality time with them if you don't want to live in a hell hole. I seem to spend my whole day picking things up so they won't get broken or younger ones will trip over them. When I do get quality time with them, I do enjoy the feeling of having 4 (I was 1 of 4), I love it when they pile on top of me or giggle with each other. Seems less effort to entertain them as they're doing it for each other.

I have 5, but I have cheated a bit by spreading them out over a long period of time. DD1 is 18 and DD5 5 months. I would have had even more if I could've talked Dh into it. I think it must make it easier not to have more than 2 in nappies at a time, for example (and I only had 2 because they're twins) but lots of people take that in their stride.

I must admit I smiled at your OP with 'a very large family, preferably 4'. I don't think I ever even clicked on the larger family link until I had 5, I didn't think 4 counted as a large family! A very large family sounds like 10 or more (my FIL is one of 11).

I met a lady today with 10 including twins under 1.
She looked like she'd been hit by a train.

I often feel like I have been hit by a train LOL

we have 4 (but only to get an even number )

ds1 is 6.3, dd is 3, ds2 is 3 and ds3 is 14 mths

I wouldn't say it is getting easier or harder just different!!!! I am also expecting things to get really easy now as I no longer have 3 under 3 (or 3 under 2 for that matter)

I don't iron just chuck it all on dining room table and sort and fold into 5 piles for the 5 bedrooms

I am organised and stick to a sort of routine (especially at bedtime) as dh works shifts/goes away so I am often on my own.

I find the school run the hardest, dragging 3 little ones out, but that should be changing as dts start pre school after Easter holidays

I do make work for myself as I am a tidy freak - will learn to leave it one day

accessorize, it gets better, but then they all hit the teenage years together...

I'm so glad to see most of you girls refuse to enslave yourselves to the tedium of IRONING!!!

Just think what our Grandmothers and Great Grandmothers had to put up with. Both my parents were from big families, though normal for their time - my Father had 7 siblings my Mother 10, though 8 surviving - my GGma had TWENTY ONE! All girls - they adopted a boy!

Maternal Gma spent entire time bent over the bath with a wash board, then the mangle....and she sang all the time!

I love mt huge washing machines.

I have 4 and always wanted 4 am am totally delighted to have 4. They are all so different, it's fascinating really to watch them. They all are also pleased to have 3 siblings (say they feel sorry for their friends who only have 1 sibling, esp when it's the opp gender and say 5 or 6 years younger.)

Eldest is 10 btw. Youngest 2 in a couple of months.

I don't find the laundry that bad, though I do tons of it. I guess the only pain is putting it away. Doing it, washing & drying & folding/ironing etc not too bad. It's putting the damned stuff away. grrr.

im one of 4 and love that i have 3 siblings,im the eldest so im boss!.

but i agree-have first one then see if you still want 4!

i wanted 4 but have 3.took me a few years to get over not having more but thinking now that personally 3 is more than enough for me!

oh ernest i TOTALLY agree,i dont mind washing, drying, folding laundry etc, but then the piles of it get put on our bed, or ds4's bed (that he NEVER sleeps in) and can stay there for days till i have a mountain to put away, as i HATE HATE HATE putting it away. ds1 puts his away himself and the middle two put some stuff away but anything that needs hanging up i have to do.

oh and dp's stuff just lives in a pile or gets shoved in his wardrobe, if he wants it neat he can do it himself

periodically ihave a bigt blitz and sort out all the clothes so they are nice and neat and all mine are hung neatly in the wardrobe etc but within a few weeks it goes back to piles in my wardrobe and stuff just shoved in the right drawers etc

but its fun really

nighbynight that is not making me feel any better! [puts hands over ears] God forbid ds1 is any worse as a teenager, I couldn't stand it.
I used to enjoy ironing, how sad is that. Now I look at all the girls clothes for dd (finally get to buy them) and think nope, nope, nope, they'd need ironing! Don't mind putting away at all.
What I REALLY hate is picking 700 toy pieces/lego/whatever at least 3-4 times a day. 1 child was so much more manageable, if you turn your back on 4 they'll wreck a room in minutes.

I have 4 girls and am one of 5 so am used to large families.

The benefits definitely do outweigh the cons when I weigh it up. They get on very well (most of the time) and are very good company for one another. There is lots of activity/noise/constant stream of friends in our house. It makes for a very intersting life.

As for meeting all their needs, we have found that, a lot of the time, they fill each other's needs. Especially when they were younger. As they get older they do like individual attention and I try to have one to one days out with each of them from time to time, shopping or whatever. On the whole though, because they are used to being with one another, we have found that they demand very little individual attention.

The only downside that I can think of is that you will have four teenagers to cope with, hopefully not all at the same time! We have two teens and two younger ones (15mths apart from both sets). Mind you, after you have been through the joys of teenage angst with the first, you should find it easier with the second and so on. That applies however many you have.

In retrospect, I would do it all again. Definitely. And would probably have had more.

And btw I LOVE having 4 siblings. They were and still are my very best friends.

ha ha so true about the ironing - Im looking forward to taking it up again one day!