How do I get DH to change his mind?
libertybod · 10/08/2009 19:10
We have 4 children and I would love just one more. But dh says 4 is more than enough, he does not give any good reasons why he says this. We have the room in the house, the car, and i've kept everything from the others so wouldn't need to buy all the baby stuff. I think he's quite influenced by others saying '4 children, you're brave' His main reason is probably time, he want's more to do his own thing. But he's already got 4 (youngest 10 months) so what difference would just one more make? He even says that when the kids have friends round he doesn't even notice. He works long hours and only sees the children briefly, just before bed (when all the work is done)
a couple of time during the week. Do you think I can change his mind? What can I say to him that might make a difference? Did your dh's all want lots of children or did you have to convince them it was what they wanted
K999 · 10/08/2009 19:11
He probably thinks that if he agrees, it wont be long till you're hankering after no. 6!!
MovingOutOfBlighty · 10/08/2009 19:22
Not sure you will be able to change his mind. I think everyone has a vision of what they are happy with. Mine was 3, my DH was 2. I felt I had to respect his views as they were pretty strong on the subject. Also, he is the main bread winner and I didn't want to put any more stress on him (which was the most strong part of why he didn't want anymore.) He said I could have one more if I went back to work full time. Bollocks to that!
Coming from a family of 5 I can safely say that although I love my bros and sisters, I do feel that none of us got much 'face time' with either parent and my mum agrees our family was a bit too large and it did cause problems.
My middle sister calls herself 'the forgotten child'!
I don't think that will help you, but personally I do think after a while the 'just one more' argument can work, but only if both parents agree. ALso - my dh brought up the carbon footprint argument which he feels really strongly about!
libertybod · 10/08/2009 19:43
My age would probably limit us to just one more unless twins/triplets slipped in . Money shouldn't be a problem, so no more stress on his wallet. And he can't bring up our carbon footprint thingy as we never fly, parents never flew so i'll have their quota too (can I do that?) We never really buy anything new bootfairs, charity shops and freecycle give us all we need. Only go to shops for food. I keep chickens and grow a lot of our fruit and veg. I do drive a 7 seater but only on the school run (village school too far to walk) and one shop. And we share bath water once a week So we are a pretty eco friendly family really.
SolidGoldBrass · 10/08/2009 19:46
You know, his views matter too and if you push him too hard he might decide to walk out. Why are you so desperate for a 5th child, anyway?
dottyaboutstripes · 10/08/2009 20:24
My DH said no to #5 - but then we had a big surprise! We now have a (planned) #6!
I hear what you are saying ab out other people sticking their noses in with their opinions - we had a LOT of comments about our 5th....but funnily enough, no one batted an eyelid when our 6th was on his way! I'm guessing that at some point people will start asking when we'll start work on the next one!
Hope that your DH will agree - or that your baby fever subsides.....
soooobroody · 11/08/2009 13:43
My dh said no more which i kinda accepted and asked him to go for the snip .. which he replied that s a bit final ... so we are now talking about trying again next year .. so you never know he may change his mind
Insanitybecomesme · 11/08/2009 16:26
My dh only wanted 4 and I agreed especially as pregnancy #4 was hard going, But once #4 was 5 months I got very broody again and after a few months he agreed we could try for #5 but that was the limit, for practical reasons that suited we have a 7 seater car etc.
I am now 12 weeks pregnant with n #5 and #6(no history of twins in the family) the car will have to go and our 4 bed house with small bedrooms will be very stretched. We need to buy one more of everything so finances have to be looked into.
Whilst we are both excited about the twins neither one of us would of chosen to have a #6. We also know now of three other couples who went for the 5th and got twins!!
Thankfully we would both rather have 6 than 4,yet 20 months ago we were both certain 4 was our lot.
I hope with a bit of time you find he changes his mind like my dh did.
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