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Big family blues
12

Bmum1 · 22/06/2009 10:37

Hey all

I am new to this board, but I have four boys - aged 5, 3 and four-month-old twins and today I am feeling really peeved at some people's attitude towards my family, and I guess I am looking for a bit of understanding from those who know.

I know you hate it when people post links to their blog on here, but I just vented the whole story there and will summarise here, but if you want all the details there on the blog (link below).

Anyway to cut a long story short my sis in law said yesterday that she had a dream that she was pregnant with what would be number three and found out it was a girl (she has two boys and always wanted a daughter). In the dream she had to choose between going ahead with the pregnancy or paying school fees for her two sons. In the dream she chose to get rid of the baby and pay the fees, and said she would do that in real life too. Hubby's grandma sat there and said that was completely the right choice.

All well and good, but there was I with my four children - who will all go to state school and eldest is very happy there thank you very much. But l left feeling really rubbish as I felt the implication that I was in some way a bad mother for having dared to have four children, thereby ensuring that none would go to private school (in fact when we had two we couldn't afford it either, but that's by the by).

Really just feeling a bit miserable and wanted to vent to those who might understand.

Phew....Thanks for listening.

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TakeLovingChances · 22/06/2009 11:09

I don't have any children yet, but I live in Ireland where there are many large families, so I don't see any harm with it at all.

I'm sure your sis in law is a nice woman, but that was a pig ignorant thing she said! I don't agree with her at all!

I can see why you're so annoyed

Never worry about what other people say, often they don't have a clue what they are saying.

You are lucky to have 4 lovely children, enjoy them and bring them up to be more understanding that your sis in law!

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Rubyrubyrubyinthegame · 22/06/2009 11:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Bmum1 · 22/06/2009 15:57

Thanks. Am feeling better for my rant, here and on blog where I got some lovely comments from readers.

I guess it's her problem, not mine, but it still upset me - particularly the way everyone around the table seemed to agree with her!

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tummytickler · 23/06/2009 20:54

Wowsers! I cant believe somebody would have those kind of priorities, but each to their own.
I have 4 too and FWIW i am a firm believer that it is the child and parents that determine the success of a childs education, not the school! Children can have evry success in a state school! Madness. Private ed. is not the be all and end all! I am very lucky to have excellent state schools in my area though!

Please dont worry about what other people say - i find people very quick to judge a larger family, but they are not the ones living it - and your sil will miss out! (IMO )

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BottySpottom · 26/06/2009 22:10

We knew if we had a third (OK - small family so shouldn't really be here) we wouldn't be able to afford private school fees - we might have been able to otherwise. In all honesty, we couldn't see how you can possibly weigh up an education against another life. Needless to say, we went ahead and had DC3 and it was the very very best decision .

Ignore them.

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LovingtheSilverFox · 26/06/2009 22:26

FWIW we have three girls (single DD and then DTs) and I haven't ruled out having any more. Its a bit of an insensitive thing to mention in front of you, and bully for her that she can afford public school! She may need to look at her priorities, if she does deperately want a girl!

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whereeverIlaymyhat · 28/06/2009 17:35

Clearly she doesn't desperately want her daughter if that's how she feels.
MIL's tend to agree with everything SIL's say just in case they upset them and don't let them see the kids IME, doesn't mean they really agree.

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Madmentalbint · 29/06/2009 08:32

What a thing to say!
I find it hard to believe anybody could terminate a wanted baby in order to pay bloody school fees. Very sad indeed - if it's true!

I do wonder if your SIL is actually jealous of you and your big family and she's trying to project her insecurities onto you. Don't let her get to you and just concentrate on enjoying your family

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Madmentalbint · 29/06/2009 08:33

Eeeek.....I meant if it's true that she'd terminate her pregnancy. I didn't think you were fibbing!

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bumpybecky · 29/06/2009 16:35

what an awful thing for SIL to say

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sobloodystupid · 29/06/2009 16:42

ignore the silly moo, fwiw i agree with madmentalbint as clearly she was punishing you for your larger family, perhaps she didn't realise this herself. And may I say, no one is interested in other people's dreams ever! FACT. Congratulations on your little ones too.

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christie2 · 04/07/2009 19:25

Ignore it. Your kids will have the advantage of siblings to love and love them long after you are gone. If you could see how close my older ones are, best friends for life really. My parents were both teachers and they said that bright kids will thrive anywhere so just keep on being the good mom you are, your kids will make out just fine.

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