very difficult 4th child

[Granny8]

Hi, is there anyone out there who can give me some advice please. My daughter has 4 children, 3 boys and a girl, 13, 11, 8 and 6.The youngest, the girl, is an absolute nightmare. A very strong-willed little girl she is now behaving very badly with constant tantrums when anything isn't quite what she wants, is extremely rude to all the family whenever she likes and completely rules the roost by her bad behaviour. The final straw was tonight when the baby-sitter has refused to come anymore because of her. The 3 older brothers are all normal boys, with good and bad behaviour in equal parts. Never any rudeness so she hasn't picked it up from them. At school she is an angel!!!

I have watched my daughter apply all the modern parenting techniques, with little success. PPositive reinforcement, encouragement, kindness, patience etc. Of course, sometimes she loses her temper. Please help me as my daughter is at the end of her tether and I don't know what to suggest to her.

Blimey, if Granny doesnt' have the answer - then I don't think any of us do!

I think maybe talking though the family dynamics with a professional may help.

Has your grand daughter always been strong willed? Was she a "difficlt" baby? Have things got worse shince she started school?

Hi Granny,

Just wanted to say that I have had a similar problem with my youngest dd who is 5 1/2. I have a ds of 12 and a dd of 10 who are so well behaved and a joy to have.
My DD2 is the most strong-willed, determined little madam ever and I had a horrendous time with her from about 2 until she started school to the point where I loved her but really didn't like her at all . If I had the door unlocked she would open it and just run and run so I had to lock the door all the time and hide the key...

Obviously a lot of it is down to personality, she's settled down a lot since she's started school and we only have probably one bad day a week now. I can't say what did it, I tried everything and my Mum (very experienced mother and granny) couldn't even handle her easily. It's so hard especially when you have kids already and think you have it sussed.

If she is good at school then she obviously has it in her and all I can suggest is be patient and constantly reinforce good behaviour - like go totally OTT so she gets LOADS more attention for good behaviour than bad. It really seemed to help with DD. Even now if she does something and then says sorry afterwards I go totally OTT saying how polite that is and how kind and thoughtful she is.

Probably not much help but just reassure your daughter she's not the only one!!#

Good luck!