So should I have a third?

[pickupthismess]

Against:

Just getting my life back -
Will have to wave goodbye to hope of returning to career -
My twosome are a real team - a 3rd might cause friction -
Would need another car -
Am OLD , DH older still -
Can't afford it/future holidays/university etc etc etc

For:

It might just be a girl -
Really miss having a baby now DSs are 5 & 3 -
If I leave it any longer I really will be too old to have one.

HELP!

I know the feeling - but i guess its about whether you can cope emotionally, physically, mentally, financially.

I would love a girl too as much as i love my DSs.

Well, my ds is no 3, and I had similar age gaps to you! I had 2 dds, but wasn't TOO bothered about having a boy (although ds was a nice surprise)

One thing I would say is that I also worried that I was just getting my life back before I decided to go ahead with no 3, but was surprised by how very much easier it was 3rd time round, and felt I got my life pretty much back far quicker (even though I bf him until 14 mths)- he just seemed to slot in.

We bought an older zafira- it didn't really break the bank, and it has been fine. Think it cost £5000 or therabouts

Went back to work after my 9mths mat leave, and my career is pretty much on an even plain- I'm not dazzling anyone in my 2d a week, but I'm still gaining years of "experience" and continuing to learn and develop.

Financially, it depends what is important to you. We had a lot of baby stuff already, and happily one of my friends had 2 boys then a girl, so we are still swapping clothes! A few of my other friends had boys and were very forthcoming with clothes etc, which we weren't too proud to accept! Ds is the best (and most cheaply!) dressed of all of them!

Don't know how old you are, but I am 36. One of my friends had her 1st at 35, and now has 4 (no twins!)

I do think you are right to consider the implications, but I also think you have to listen to your heart. I always knew that I wouldn't feel "finished" if I didn't have a no 3. Our house is chaotic and crazy, and they all fight and squabble, but I'm still glad we did it! Good luck

Would your DH agree to a third? If so, go for it!

I'd love a third (and a fourth, and a fifth, and...), but DH says no...

We went through the same loop at the beginning of the year. 2 DSs 6 and 4 years old (although 5 and 3 years at the time of deliberation) small family car, small house, just getting life back - all the same stuff really.

DH wasn't at all sure for quite a while but I just had that feeling that the family wasn't quite complete.

DH mulled it all over for a while and when we finally agreed that we would love to have another 'child' in the family rather than just wanting another baby, we decided to give it a go.

So here I am 40+2 and waiting for the arrival of our first (and last) DD.

Pregnancy has been terrible, been ill all the way through and its has been a struggle for us all, but we can't wait to meet her now despite the ups and downs of the past 9 months. The boys are particularly excited and can't wait for her arrival.

Had a minor 'what have I done' wobbly a few days back in the middle of the night, then got a mental image of our family of four as a sort of square with a person at each corner, then imagined adding in the fifth little person to find the shape changed into a sort of a circle which looked like a group hug. Haven't doubted it since. Not expecting it to be easy but looking forward to whatever having 3 throws as us now.

I know I probably sound like a complete nutter with that last paragraph but thats exactly how it went, it was one of those half awake half asleep weird dreams you get, expecially when you are pregnant and hormonal.

(I am 38 by the way.)

Aw, Joolyjoolyjoo, your post has made me fill up. You make having three sound so lovely and doable.

My two are 2.6 and 10m and I just can't escape this feeling I'm not done with babies. I'm old too (37 but maybe it just feels old today) and the thought of all the pregnancy ailments and the worry - eurgh. I keep saying I'm not making a decision til DS is 1. So that's about 9 weeks away.

And we already have the Zafira .

And now yours too Moosemama! You're about to have 3! I am very weepy tonight.

Ohhh Joolyjooly I shall blame you for my third!!!

I really want one more too (though I worry about illness)

Yes. In many ways it is easier with 3. Mainly because no-one is left out, they have each other when you are spending time with one. Two is much harder in that respect. Also, you accept you are 'outnumbered' and so don't stress about things as much.

I didn't do so well with 2, I found it quite hard and often felt guilty. I loved having 3, something just 'clicked'. When the baby was having a nap, the older two would play together. Suddenly (and surprisingly to me) I had some down time.

Had my 4th 18 months ago. Its much harder work, but lovely still

Yeah, meant to say- of all the mums I know who have had 3, the very hardest bit is the actual pregnancy- very very tough with 2 preschoolers in tow! (and I've never enjoyed pregnancy at the best of times)

But three are doable- I love watching the dynamic between them all: dd1(just turned 5) is the caring older sister (who is bullied by the other 2!), dd2(3.6) is the little feisty one who tells her little bro how it is, and sets him straight when he tries to nick HER stuff, and ds(14mths) is just learning how loud he needs to shout to be heard in this house- and managing to elbow his way into the limelight admirably!

I think 3 will be our lot, though! Sounds crazy, but when ds was born, I felt like a purring cat with all her kittens, all contented and settled

lastyearsmodel- I bet you go for it!!

Stop making me cry, you lot! This isn't even my thread...

pickupthismess Have you decided yet?

I'm pg with my No3 (and probably last) - will be 35 when it arrives.
I felt (despite career, money etc) that I would be forever sad if I didn't have my No3. having always wanted 3 (DH only ever wanted one but managed to talk him round! - twice!) and so here I am 21wks pg. This pg has been much easier than the last one and my other 2 dc are looking forward to the new arrival. I'm dreading the first 6 months TBH I find having a new born really hard but once that bit is out of the way I love having the chaos and kids around.
All I can say is I think it will be hard but I couldn't have NOT. IYSWIM? I love the idea of 3 and hopefully will feel complete. I like the description of being a purring cat with kittens BTW

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Thanks for all your messages.

I just don't know what to do. When I came out of hospital with DS2 I remember thinking well that's the last time I'll ever have to do that thank God. I hated being pregnant and had really horrible births. And yet, when DH started lining up the cots, crib etc to sell on ebay I was saying but what if we want another? DH looked at me like I was stark staring mad.

I'm now 40 so I need to make a decision fast.

DH is 44 and doesn't want to be working until he's 65 to support kids. However......he has lately said, "well if you want another baby then we'll have one". The other night he was even encouraging me.

But I'm worried because we are older. I'm v tired now and know I don't really have the energy, especially with 2 DSs wearing me out. Is it fair to have kids when we are a bit past it?!! Also worried how I'll cope if like moose, I'm really ill throughout (I was with first two and at that time my mum was nearby to help).

Why am I not happy with my two LOs?

my DD3 is now 22wks and the way we decided was this

we came to conclusion that we'd always regret not having another one but would never regret it if we did

we didn't actively try iyswim but didn't use contraceptives and gave ourselves until a certain date before we'd review it again and she's here and she's an absolute dream

I'm in the same boat. Packing up all dcs baby clothes made me really yearn for another, but I'm not sure if I am yearning for a baby or another child, iyswim. I'm over-analysising, wondering if secretly it's because I'm getting older and that choice to have a child will no longer be mine to make. Will I regret not taking the plunge or should I just be damn grateful for the lovely 2 children we have?

DD3 is 25 weeks and a little gem

The pregnancy was very hard, I had a 3yo a 2yo and bad SPD plus no family help and a partner working 13 hour days, not a good combination.

Once she was here it all clicked into place yes it's hard sometimes but brilliant, like tonight DD3 was getting all excited watching the other two run about, they utterly adore, DD2 borders on being obsessed with her, she won't leave her alone always over getting her toys, reading to her etc.

If I could bypass the pregnancy and just have a newborn baby I would have one tomorrow.

I would love a third but DH is another one who just wanted one. Managed to talk him around once, but i kind of feel doing this twice may be unfair. And as DH is now 45 and finds small children stressful, yearns for a tidier, quieter life, i suspect it really is unfair. Also had horrible pregnancies and births (seeking counselling re this). So i guess everything is telling me to stick at two. But i know that if i do, it will always be one of my life's regrets. I suspect it is just a regret i will have to get used to .
Don't worry about the career , money aspect though, as long as you can manage / make do. In 10 years time these will not be the things you really remember. It sounds like you really want to go for it.

it IS hard work, but probably less so with your other children being the ages they are.

i have a 5-year-old who is not in school FT because of her dyspraxia and a just turned 3-year-old who is in nursery.

and a 9 week old.

it is pretty hard work.

but we know it will get better .

it already is now he is smiling and cooing away and even sort of laughing.

our elder two are girls and because DD1 is such a wonderful, sweet, sociable soul, she and DD2 are a real team.

we couldn't afford holidays or university fees even with just two of them so three isn't that much different.

Eldest two DD's were 6 and 4 when DS was born. I loved having three and found it wasn't much more difficult than having 2, work wise. It did take me a bit longer to recover after he was born as I had a CS - but it couldn't have been that bad seeing as I did it again!

If you would both like another child then go for it!

When I read all these posts I really want no3. But when the kids were playing up an hour ago I didn't even want them LOL. The boys really want another baby.

I think what is really putting me off is not so much the practicalities but the thought of going through another pregnancy. I've had diabetes twice and they said if I had another I'd probably never shake it (i.e. I'd be a diabetic). Also, I know the risks for the baby are much higher.

Then, I have just set up a business and it's doing Ok and I'd have to throw it all away if I had another. Basically I wish I had a few more years to ponder - decisions decisions.

What a lovely posting Moosemama! You really made me smile and definitely fueled my 'for' argument for having baby 3. Good Luck, Lou x