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Larger families

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Original poster

Help!!! I am SO desperate for number 9

19 replies

busymummybee · 05/12/2008 07:10

....but DH says NO!!
Do you think I am being greedy and should just settle with what we have? I would love 2 more and it is so difficult to accept I might not have any more. Is there anyone else in the same situation as me? Is there anyone with 8 or more?

OP posts:

Tanee58 · 05/12/2008 14:52

Wow BMB - you want 10??? Can you afford two more? Why do you feel you need another 2? What happens if you do have 10 - will you then want 11? or 12? Is it that you love having the children, or is it that you enjoy being pregnant? Also, how do your eldest children feel about getting two more babies in the house? I can't really advise as I only have one DD, but my partner was eldest of 7 and I do think he felt he missed out on getting enough of his mum's attention because there were so many little ones needing her. Ditto another friend, who resented the fact that she was expected to help out with younger siblings when she was still quite young herself.

I wouldn't say you were being greedy, I don't know you so I can't judge - if you love having a large family - and can afford to support 10 children until they can support themselves, and have the space and energy, and if your DH is happy too, then go ahead.

But if your DH says no, you need to discuss this very frankly with him first. And if you CAN'T afford them, there will be many people who would say you shouldn't have children that the state has to support.

Mercy · 05/12/2008 15:02

Keep an eye out for Juuule - she has 9 dc!

Fwiw, one of my closest friends from childhood was one of 9.

RubyrubytheRubynosedReindeer · 05/12/2008 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

storkycake · 05/12/2008 15:28

Juules has 9 and we think she's sane

Personally, 4 is enough for me. I simply could not cope physically with another pg.
I think if I could have a bigger house set in large gardens etc, afford some hired help, with Dh geting a bigger salary, then I would be tempted to adopt another 2, but that's not happening.

If you don't have enough at 8, I suspect you'd only stop when you physically are unable to bear children anymore.

Original poster

busymummybee · 05/12/2008 15:46

I love being pregnant, I love babies, I love chidlren, they are my answers to wanting more. I always said I would stop at 10 unless mother nature got the better of me first. My body craves pregnancy
My oldest three are girls so they love me having more babies.

OP posts:

GaribaldiGirl · 05/12/2008 17:58

i could have 10 children, but 10 pregnancies?? Urgh! Don't you get sick? Aren't you fat and awkward? I have 4 and running around after the 3 i already had while expecting my 4th was soooo hard. or maybe your eldest ones are so helpful it makes it easier (mine are very close). I take my hat off to you. If you can afford it and you have the energy then why not?

dreamydowler · 05/12/2008 19:00

Hi I had a very close friend who had nine children and another who had eight. I am pregnant with my eigth and although house always messy and noisy and we are always skint I certainly dontt feel my kids have missed out on much. My eldest dd is 20 and has been to thailand twice germany and france and is in her third year of a teaching degree. My second eldest daughter is 19 after xmas has a daughter of her own and is due to go to uni in september to train as a midwife.My third eldest daughter is 18 the day before number 8 is due and is also going to uni next september to train as a teacher. My eldest son 16 has always been gifted and talented and is predicted all A* and A grades in his gcses next summer and is hoping one day to get to oxford or cambridge. He has been to germany is going to America next year and is as we speak in London on a theatre studies weekend (lucky devil) My second son is 10 and adores being part of a big family and is very excited about the new arrival secretly hoping it will be another boy as I know he will miss his big brother when he goes off to uni in a couple of years time. He has learnt so much from the older ones that even my being a teacher he couldnt have got from me. They show him education is important give him oodles of confidence help him with homework and on the computer at current levels Enable him to ride his bike to school as there is always someone to ride with him. My fourth daughter is 5 and aspires to be a teacher like her beloved eldest sister who has been a godsend doing primary teaching in helping her to learn her spellings phonetically. My youngest daughter is only 2 and so sweet she gets so much love and affection she certainly doesnt go without. I also mind my 1 year old granddaughter so my 2 year old will already be used to having a younger baby around. It has taught her to love and mother a younger child, to share and they learn so much from each other its funny to watch them. Ive never understood the whole can you afford them argument We have debts like everyone the children have thankfuly never "needed" Nike trainers or Adidas tracksuits and have had some beautiful clothes over the years both new and second hand. They have always got vast quantities of presents from people at birthdays and xmas and have never missed a school trip. We have a wii an x box 360 and numerous mobile phones etc My partner and I work very hard and are happy and proud to have such wonderful kids. If I were you I would ignore all the you must be mad comments and look at all the joys your family have brought and go for it girl xxxx

storkycake · 05/12/2008 20:56

dreamydowler I think the 'if you can afford them' is a reference to working to support you family, ie not relying on the state to support you and your family.

Hats off to you! Your family sound like they're doing very well

mrsdisorganised · 05/12/2008 23:14

I am the eldest of 8 and loved being in a big family, now and growing up! I have 4 and would love more...I think as long as everyone is happy and healthy then go for it good luck!

CuddlyUnderTheMistletoe · 05/12/2008 23:26

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. You nutter!

As one who decided with out a second thought, to stop at one I am in awe!

Original poster

busymummybee · 06/12/2008 07:47

dreamydowler - Hi and congratulations. Our house is usually messy, although on a Saturday morning we all work very hard to tidy up the house. The older ones are very helpful around the house.
Yes, we are often skint but nobody ever goes without. We do not reply on the state.
Using re-useable nappies, not buying formula milk, growing our own veggies and some fruit, having a small holding with chickens etc.. and having solar energy in our house is a huge benefit.

GaribaldiGirl - No I am not fat and awkward! thank you for asking. I am size 16 at the moment.

OP posts:

TheInvisibleManDidItWithSanta · 06/12/2008 08:05

Dreamydowler, your family sounds lovely and you must be so proud of them all.

Plus your post has put a few things in perspective for me, as dh recently told me he would like another baby, and although I would too, I've been telling him we can't afford it, there'd be too much a gap between ds's and baby...

and we only have 2 just now. and I've been doubting we can manage 3.

After reading this, I realise I'm being totally ridiculous. Bringon no 3!!

Thankyou

mrsdisorganised · 06/12/2008 09:32

It's amazing what reading other peoples comments can do TheInvisibleMan... good luck
Busymummybee you're just like my mum!! Lovely

Tanee58 · 06/12/2008 22:38

Dreamydowler, your family sound fantastic - lucky you!

BMB, yes, the 'can you afford it' question certainly does refer to whether you can support them yourselves without relying on the state - as that is the point at which those of us who have stopped at small families can become irked by families who expect us to help support them! However, you obviously don't fall into that category, I love the sound of your smallholding, attitude to avoiding formula milk etc and I think, if your DH can be won round, go for it ! So why is he against it? Can he be persuaded, do you think?

Good luck, if you go for your even 10. You must have some fabulous Christmases

babyblue3 · 07/12/2008 00:28

Hats off to you ladies with big families I have been lurking for a couple of days and you have all provided me with a lot of inspiration. I am currently pg with #4 (a rookie by your standards), and often get nervous on how I will manage. Big families are not common where I come from, so I often get the strange looks and comments when I say I am on my fourth. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy your many blessings!

GaribaldiGirl · 07/12/2008 14:16

BMB - I didn't mean fat and awkward NOW - i meant when you're pregnant. am assuming you're one of those lucky ladies who seem to bloom and enjoy pregnancy. you must be young or pretty fit to cope so well. i do nothing but moan and groan when i'm pregnant (despite normally being of a seunny disposition.)

popperdoodles · 07/12/2008 14:27

For those with big families, how do you fit them all in your house? I mean bedroom wise. I have 3 and would love more but probably won't as we live in a fairly small 3 bed house. Where do you put them all.

idobelieveinsanta · 08/12/2008 13:59

I have 8..and would love more but DP said no..so i got sterilised after last c-section so i wouldn't get pregnant. Very sad though...i have to say as mine are getting older it it becoming more difficult...not physically but mentally...teenagers are hard hard work..give me newborn non sleeping twins anyday!

What ages are your DC?

juuule · 08/12/2008 15:04

I have 9 and agree that it does get more difficult as they get older. Especially if you are trying to cater for the needs of teens and toddlers at the same time

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