What ages were your children when you felt your house wasn't chaotic?

[TinyTeacher]

I know this has been done on other threads, but often responses are from families with 2 children.

With my eldest, I never really felt out of control - yes, there was often some laundry to put away but the house was usually in a state where if someone took her out to the park for an hour it looked pretty good.

9 years later I've got 4DC (youngest coming up for 3 soon). Really I reckon it wuld take a full day of hard graft to get the house properly decent, and I just don't ever have that much time.

Yes, children do sort of help a bit, but it doesn't make anything faster really! Eldest did everyone's toast this morning, one of the middle ones likes to do sitting room vaccuiming and everyone is expected to help (note: it's not being done independently) with tidying their rooms/the playroom. But tidying always has to be supervised, actual cleaning is all me (it's not like they're tall enough really!), cooking is me and when they "help" with the dishwasher they are basically passing me stuff as they can't reach cupboards.

I've just spent 20 minutes labelling fricking shoes. I haven't started doing uniform and I should probably sew those as the sticky labels don't survive a whole year. While I was doing that 5yo started playing backgammon with 2yo. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't understand the game and keeps getting it wrong. He got fed up and told her off and she turned the board over.....

So.... if you have more than 2 kids, HOW did you get back in control and WHEN did you manage it?

(As someone will definitely ask about DH: yes, he is in the picture, and he isn't much help with housework. Pretty rubbish in fact. Obviously it would be easier if he got on with it more. But he isn't in the totally useless category, he takes a big lead on hobbies and homework help. All big school projects I bow out of, he's coaching two of them for chess (which they love and I can't play for toffee), he does half of school runs, does all the driving round for hobbies and is the one that goes to the majority of concerts/school events. There's definitely an argument that he's getting the more fun end of the deal, but when he's done bedtime for the youngest it has been catastrophic.)

I also want to know. Also have 4 kids and it feels never ending. youngest 3 and a half. I'm hoping when she hits 5 it might feel a bit less crazy

For the labels buy stikins. Indestructible.

I fear the answer is never! I hope somebody with older children joins soon to tell us 😂

Someone told me it got easier with three when the youngest was six. My youngest is 7. Not easier yet. Of course it is in some ways but with two boys in the mix who are currently building a bunker on the sofa or whose favourite game is arena death match, things feeling calm feels some way off. I realised though that outwardly we don’t look that chaotic, everyone has everything they need, labelled, I remember deadlines and the admin for all their commitments and social lives, my youngest did all the beaver scout work he wanted to get done this summer (with quite a lot of support from me needed), my eldest has gone through her summer ‘bucket list’, my middle one has everything he needs to start secondary school in a few days. Trouble is I’m the one who feel like they swam through chaos to get there. I’m always stressed out, inwardly or outwardly, and my mind never feels calm and it’s always meal planning, how can I carve out time for each child, laundry etc. So we present outwardly as having things sorted while I slowly go mad. The house is kind of under control as the only way I cope is knowing things are where they need to be, but even supporting your kids to learn that stuff is another job to add to your list, needs helps and (theoretically patient) supervision and, as they become more independent, often results in a lot of mess (looking at you 11yr old ds who drops milk or yoghurt on a near daily basis and 13 yr old who has a Jekyl and Hyde approach to tidiness).

Gosh I'm glad to hear that it's not just my house 🤣 mine are 9, 7, 5, 2. It is insane , bedtimes my boys go crazy and turn their room upside down. They are like wild animals. The girls are just so messy with their clothes. Youngest wrecks everything I tidy so it's like raking leaves in a hurricane. I work full time and don't feel like I get any downtime. Dh isn't the best, I do all lunches & homework , organising uniforms etc. The house is upside down all the time because I haven't time to get on top of it. We are coasting with the day to day stuff . Everyone keeps recommending a cleaner but I imagine the house will need to be some bit organised before we could bring a poor person into the madness 🙈

Year 6 and above here - still messy but easier. We chilled and watched a series last night. One is great at baking so makes us cakes. Afternoon tea is a habit I recommend starting as young as possible - cups, saucers, teapot, little plates. Brings a bit of civilisation to the afternoon! They still love doing it now. You can pick up lovely old fashioned sets at charity shops. (Doesn’t help the clutter). It will feel bloody awful when they are three but it’s worth the effort as by 8/9 they enjoy it and it’s calm. All of mine like curling up with a cup of tea and a book as teens/pre teens. They can’t disappear quickly if they have a hot drink (milky decaf and red bush are good options for little ones).

Also a book before bed and on car rides - really has been helpful in the long run. A bag with this weeks books in it helped me (and my sanity in the car).

I pack all sports bags once kit has been washed. Including swim hats and travel style towels and have shampoo etc in the bag at all times.

I kept school coats in the boot if we weren’t going back out that day (can’t wear them to school as they were in car seats) rather than bringing them in and out. I kept wellies/walking books in a big bag for life in my boot so the car and hall don’t get caked in mud. Ball and frisby in the boot so you can do a quick visit to the park if they are too energetic after school.

I found a 40 minute walk or bike ride first thing really helped on non school days. Get them to ride as young as possible. My wildest one - a daily run helps.

I used to get them to tidy in 10 minute bursts to music. Only adult songs (no kids stuff that made me want to block my ears). How much can we tidy before this song finishes etc. Maybe include dance moves as you tidy to increase the ‘fun’.

Also spend time at clubs or the park or walking or the library - keeps the house tidier 🤣.

I sometimes add another two younger ones to the mix (relatives) and they like the tea cups and 40 minute walks.

It gets easier. Someone once said work towards what you want your home to be like when they are 10. So persevere with the hard bits that you think are important (tea, bike rides, walking, no floordrobes, well behaved when eating out, outdoorsy, tea parties and curling up with a tea and a book were mine).

The floordrobes need work - any suggestions appreciated

Also we celebrated anything and everything - new plant/fridge/end of term - afternoon tea with a toast to the plant/fridge/school finishing. Stuffed toys birthdays!

I think organising the ‘event’ together and tidying up after it was useful maybe in some way. And they wanted to be civilised and had to be careful as they loved the China cups.

When they were aged between 10 and 16. All knew how to use appliances, and all had jobs they were responsible for.

Second the afternoon tea suggestion, it can be fancy or simple but making time for a chat immediately after school with some substantial food helps so much with the hangry emotional meltdowns

I had five.

For labeling uniforms, I wrote our phone number with a sharpie on the washing instruction tags. Made hand me downing easier, and sharpie ink doesn't need redoing very often.

Board games and playthings with millions of tiny pieces were kept in a high cupboard. They could only play under supervision, and all pieces had to be put away carefully afterwards. This meant a Friday evening board game or polly pocket session, and they looked forward to it. Lego bits were all in a big box and they could have at it whenever they wanted. Ditto wooden blocks. We never did Playmobil.

The years when the oldest was 8 and the next three were 5, 3, and baby were the hardest, as we were also renovating a wreck of a house. I kept clothes to a minimum for us all, and had a dryer (in US) so avoided ironing. Their school uniform pinafores were an easy care, drip-dry overnight fabric.

I also cooked about every second day. Sometimes i got away with a meal that stretched for three days. A big pot of spaghetti bolognese lasted two days, with fresh side salad both days. Next meal would be a fairly mild chili over noodles or rice, with coleslaw. Followed by pulled pork, etc. They all helped set the table and clearing away, and as they grew older they could help with cooking.

Once the oldest were 11, 8, 6, I gave them responsibility for straightening up one specific room each daily - sitting room, dining room, study/ computer room. No massive top to bottom cleaning - just empty the waste paper basket, put cushions back on the couch, make the computer desk reasonably functional, put books back on the shelves, pick up toys and drawing materials before meals, wipe the table, etc. They liked having their own little turf. I helped them with their rooms, bedding, and keeping their toys and books tidy.

All laundry went into one big basket, which they added to every day. Around age 12 they started doing laundry - it all went into the machine together (no separating) and then got dumped in the dryer. The trick was to fold it carefully after the dryer cycle ended.

It would have been much easier to do all of this myself, but that would have taught them nothing useful - a short term solution that would have bitten me in the bum in the end.

I also did a one size fits all bedtime - no schlepping DCs upstairs one by one all evening. They all went to bed between 8:30 and 9, and were up at 7. They could read or do some quiet activity in the sitting room in the evening. This was a nice family time.

Mine are 14, 12, 9 and 7.

There are less toys and dropped food underfoot than there used to be, and they do help out a bit these days.

But they also drop stuff everywhere, all the time (dirty sports kits, library books etc etc) and take up a lot more space than they used to.

I go area by area so the whole house does get cleaned, just I can't do it all at once any more- I have given up expecting to get the whole house under control at the same time until at least 3 of them leave home.

My 5 are adults. My house is still chaos. Mainly to do with with adhd and autism. And the fact they are a lot bigger so take up more space, or maybe my house has shrunk!

But they did their own packed lunches from secondary school age, made their own breakfast from around 8. They also put their laundry away from a young age, and then started doing their own washing as teens. Helped with washing up/dishwashing and cooking from teens as well. 2 have moved out, 1 is soon. I don't do much cooking now as they like to do it. It's great!

No toys anymore, so less of that sort of clutter, but they have collections of stuff that fill space. The two that moved out have left a load of clothes and books. 🙄 One day my house will be clutter free!