3 to 4 on the fence.

[TheMadHouse2026]

Looking for others advice/ experience.
We currently have 3 children aged 13,7 and 1.
The big age age shows massively and the fact 13 year old hates the outdoors and 7 year old loves it.
We (i say we more me) are on the fence for number 4.
5months ago I was all up for it and its on my mind every single day. Husband would continue forever 😅 i absolutely love pregnancy / labour and being a mum. I love the organised chaos and sound daft but the constant mum mum mum. I dont feel there is apart of parenting i dont enjoy. The cooking/cleaning all of it.
Im not sure if its normal to feel this way. I dont know if it's cause I miss the night feeds and everything that comes with a baby.
I know deep down our youngst is going to get to 4/5 years old and im going to feel a huge ache for another one but I dont want the large age gap.
Apart from needing to upgrade the car which we are already considering anyway is there much impact going from 3 to 4?
Going from 2 to 3 didnt fase us at all. We dont have any outside help its just the two of us making it all fall into place.
I feel our evenings have only just becomes ours again 3rd didnt like sleep for 11 months 🤣 were not ones for doing much without kids anyway so it didnt impact us much. Our luxury time is a cheeky take away in front of the TV.
I strongly believe in the saying 'you never regret the kids you have only the ones you didnt'
Iv become a massive overthinker since having number 3. Iv always been one but its alot more noticeable now. I can talk myself out of absolutely anything even little things in life. Im a huge giver so I dont hesitate when it comes to anyone else only myself.

How have others found it?
I know deep down im kinda thinking this could be our chance of a girl something iv never longed for until we have number 3 (all boys) im also convinced if we had number 4 baby would 99.9% chance be a boy.

Please everyone just send over your advice good or bad and your experiences.

We have 4 despite me not being great at being pregnant and all were by CS and I loved being a Mum too. We had to buy a bigger car and a bigger house, money was tight at times, but nobody went without anything they needed. No4 fit into our family just beautifully, she was (and still is) so chilled. I co-slept with her because I needed to get two of the older ones to school. They adored her from the start and still do and there were never any issues, although she still says I only had her so I could get my big Silver Cross coach built pram out of the attic. All mine are now adults and her older siblings are still incredibly protective of her, bless them. You will have plenty of quiet evenings once they have all left home or are out and about as teens/young adults. I have never regretted having 4, not for one second.

I don’t usually say this but if you can afford it and love it so much then why not? But really, can you afford it and will all the children get the time and attention they need?

We’re sticking at 3. I don’t think we’d be able to absorb the financial cost of 4 in the same way we can with 3. Your age gaps might help a bit with this? Less likely to have several in uni at once.

We have 4 ages 11, 9, 4, 1. I don't know if there's a massive difference between 3 and 4 but we are finding the logistics of getting the big ones to activities is a lot just now, especially in the summer holidays! I'm glad we've never had 2 sets of nursery fees at a time, hopefully uni will work in a similar way. Holidays have to be self catering or a youth hostel because of the logistics of bedrooms. Honestly, it's madness! I feel like my brain has been chopped up into tiny pieces by the end of the summer holidays. But it's lovely and they adore each other, I never felt like our family was complete until the baby was born. And it sounds like your mind is already made up 😉 I would say, baby + toddler is a tricky combination which you haven't dealt with yet? But then they get a little older and play together, it's swings and roundabouts

I should add, we are in Scotland so final weekend of the school holidays. I'm a teacher so all the childcare is on me in holidays. I feel like my answer would be more raving positivity in a few weeks when I've had an occasional cup of tea in peace!

This is something iv gone over alot as finances of left to me to deal with husband happily admits hes rubbish with money. Finances wouldn't really be an issue due to the age gap the older two will be pass the big luxury gifts onces the younger ones reach that age and as a family we have a rule of big on birthdays basic on Christmas as you buy for more people at christmas

😅😅 I fully get that one. We are very lucky and husband works at home so can be hands on at the drop of a hat. I think id be going crazy with the 3 if that wasn't the case. Our eldest hates anything that involves leaving the house without us so refuses any clubs/activities and the middle one is an extreme live wire hes attempted many clubs and the only ones he will stick it is after school clubs which thankfully is on our street so one of us can walk and get him if the other is tied up with something.
We have a pretty relaxed essy little group and I think im worry is changing it. I mean if I magically woke up pregnant I wouldn't be disappointed and im sure those worries wouldn't cross my mind its simply due to it being completely in my control and I hate making final decisions.
If my husband turn round and goes i want another baby then id be happy as its taken out of my hands but he says hes happy either way but I need to make the final call as its my body that goes through it 🥰

I have four too. They're 19yo, 16yo, 10yo (soon to be 11) and 9yo. 23 months between the younger two.

I had two sets of two. I felt my third born would be lonely - that's why we went with a fourth. Best decision we made. They are very close in age and have similar interests in life. And I hate odd numbers!🤣

Good luck with whatever you both decide. DH had a vasectomy after no4. Six months after as we didn't want anymore children. 4 is plenty!

I totally hear what you're saying OP, it feels like such a massive decision. I do think though, you never know what kind of child you're going to get or what's around the corner! I think the control is a bit of an illusion, so much of being a mum is about letting go. We also worried about number 3 being left on his own suddenly as he is 5 years younger than number 2. So far he and the baby are best buddies but who knows what will happen! Their personalities account for so much, if we'd had our children in a different order they'd be much closer together as the girls were much easier babies than the boys but we haven't hit the teenage years yet.